Urban Legends Reference Page: Weddings (Advice to Young Brides)\n\n[URL]http://www.snopes.com/weddings/newlywed/advice.htm[/URL]\n\nThe following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall\nIssue, 1894:\n\nINSTRUCTION AND ADVICE\nFOR THE\nYOUNG BRIDE\non the\nConduct and Procedure of the\nIntimate and Personal Relationships\nof the Marriage State\nfor the\nGreater Spiritual Sanctity of this\nBlessed Sacrament and the Glory of God\nby\nRuth Smythers\nbeloved wife of\nThe Reverend L.D. Smythers\nPastor of the Arcadian Methodist\nChurch of the Eastern Regional Conference\nPublished in the year\nof our Lord 1894\nSpiritual Guidance Press\nNew York City\n\nINSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE\nTo the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing,\nthe wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of\nher life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the\nbride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony,\nsymbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for\nthe rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night,\nduring which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the\nfirst time the terrible experience of sex.\n\nAt this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young\nwomen actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and\npleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily\ntake advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never\nbe forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.\nOtherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of\nsexual lust.\n\nOn the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at\nbest revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has\nbeen by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the\nmonogamous home and by the children produced through it.\n\nIt is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to\nforego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would\napproach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting\noffspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the\naverage man.\n\nMost men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride\nwill permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the\nfirst months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to\nreduce this frequency.\n\nFeigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends\nin this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very\neffective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband\nwould normally commence his seduction.\n\nClever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and\ndiscouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect\nto have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year\nof marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.\n\nBy their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child\nbearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual\ncontacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the\nchildren and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.\n\nJust as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as\npossible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and\ndegree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if\ngiven half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting\npractices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in\nabnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile\nbodies to be mouthed in turn.\n\nNudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs\nand drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male\nis likely to acquire if permitted.\n\nA wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her\nunclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.\nSex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total\ndarkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns\nfor themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in\nseparate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum\nof flesh is exposed.\n\nOnce the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should\nlie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the\nroom she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take\nthis as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There\nis always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which\nshe can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.\n\nWhen he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion\non her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic\nhusband.\n\nIf he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so\nthat the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss\nher hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss\nher anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring\nfrom the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will\ngenerally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.\n\nIf the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife\nwill suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he\nanswers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it\nmay seem at the time.\n\nEventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual\ncontact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife\nwill allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only\npermit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.\n\nShe will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his\nhuffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never\nunder any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon\nas the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him\nabout various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men\nobtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful\nexhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that\nthere is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be\nencouraged to soon try for more.\n\nOne heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that\nthe husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working\ntogether all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in\nregards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch\napologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The\nwise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first\nto limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual\nexpression.