Something for Brat

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by TechGeekPro, Apr 25, 2004.

  1. TechGeekPro

    TechGeekPro Guest

    Urban Legends Reference Page: Weddings (Advice to Young Brides)

    The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall
    Issue, 1894:

    on the
    Conduct and Procedure of the
    Intimate and Personal Relationships
    of the Marriage State
    for the
    Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
    Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
    Ruth Smythers
    beloved wife of
    The Reverend L.D. Smythers
    Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
    Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
    Published in the year
    of our Lord 1894
    Spiritual Guidance Press
    New York City

    To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing,
    the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of
    her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the
    bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony,
    symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for
    the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night,
    during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the
    first time the terrible experience of sex.

    At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young
    women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and
    pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily
    take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never
    Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
    sexual lust.

    On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at
    best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has
    been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the
    monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

    It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to
    forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would
    approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting
    offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the
    average man.

    Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride
    will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the
    first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to
    reduce this frequency.

    Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends
    in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very
    effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband
    would normally commence his seduction.

    Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and
    discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect
    to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year
    of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

    By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child
    bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual
    contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the
    children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

    Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as
    possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and
    degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if
    given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting
    practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in
    abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile
    bodies to be mouthed in turn.

    Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs
    and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male
    is likely to acquire if permitted.

    A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her
    unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.
    Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total
    darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns
    for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in
    separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum
    of flesh is exposed.

    Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should
    lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the
    room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take
    this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There
    is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which
    she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

    When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion
    on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic

    If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so
    that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss
    her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss
    her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring
    from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will
    generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

    If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife
    will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he
    answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it
    may seem at the time.

    Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual
    contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife
    will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only
    permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

    She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his
    huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never
    under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon
    as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him
    about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men
    obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful
    exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that
    there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be
    encouraged to soon try for more.

    One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that
    the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working
    together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in
    regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch
    apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The
    wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first
    to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual
    TechGeekPro, Apr 25, 2004
    1. Advertisements

Ask a Question

Want to reply to this thread or ask your own question?

You'll need to choose a username for the site, which only take a couple of moments (here). After that, you can post your question and our members will help you out.