So anyway, a cowboy walks into a bar

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more
than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced
every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet
first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting
in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at
the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in
his day.

The young cowboy took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink,
and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could
give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing,
you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on
your leg.

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure
will," said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot
the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" said the cowboy.
"Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the
hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You
bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun
in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learning' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that
axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over
to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-time, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the
piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass and it won't hurt as much."

 

OMG - didn't see THAT coming! <grin>

 

Haven't heard that in a dog's age. Blinkynet needs it for the Story
Jokes section.

Here's one you might enjoy:

http://blinkynet.net/humor/story/mikedied.html

 

It was on, or about, Wed, 13 Jun 2007 05:06:04 +0000, that as I was

In a similar vein..;-)
In mid January, an international businessman arrived back in England from
a visit abroad.
He got off his plane, & got into the back of his Rolls-Royce where he
poured himself a whisky.
He was looking forward to a quiet weekend, & riding through the
countryside on his favourite horse.
"How's Golden Boy?" he enquired about it, to his chauffeur.
"I'm sorry to say the horse is dead, sir." replied the chauffeur.
"DEAD?!, How the hell did that happen?" he asked, sitting bolt upright.
"A beam in the stables dropped on his head & killed him, before we could
get him out, sir. And unfortunately in his dying spasm, he kicked your
dog & killed it."
"WHAT?!? He killed Rover?" cried the man, pouring himself a *very* large
whisky.
"Afraid so, sir," replied the chauffeur "..kicked him in the head."
"What the bloody hell caused all this?" demanded the man.
"Well, it seems a spark from the fire at the manor set the stables
alight, sir." answered the chauffeur.
"FFS, a FIRE? What fire?"
"Err...the firechief thinks it was one of the candles surrounding your
wife's coffin which set a tapestry on fire, & then 'WOOSH' the whole lot
went up"
"Dear god" groaned the man, downing yet another large scotch.
"However" continued the chauffeur, "there is some good news"
"There is? WTF is it?" asked the man.
"Yes, sir. Due to all the heat, the daffodils & tulips have bloomed 3
months early!"