posted without comment

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by billyw, Jun 8, 2004.

  1. billyw

    Guest Guest

    So you guys are saying that billyw has definately heard this
    phrase?

    "Are you my daaaaaaddddyyyy

    Sorry to hear that, just when you think you know a guy.

    Sandworm (digging a hole as we speak)

    ----- JaR wrote: ----

    On Tue, 08 Jun 2004 17:25:54 -0400, Ken Briscoe extemporised

    Ah, yes. Scotland. Where the men wear dresses, and the sheep are nervous

    *doesn't bother to run, either, but steps behind Ken

    Ja
    Prudent Thu
     
    Guest, Jun 9, 2004
    #21
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  2. billyw

    Neil Guest

    *snif*
    I want a story! come on Uncle Vigo! I wont go to bed without a good
    story...
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #22
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  3. billyw

    Neil Guest

    your split personality is showing again...
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #23
  4. I "F" that up so frequently that it no longer deserves comment.
     
    Vigo Breadcrumbs, Jun 9, 2004
    #24
  5. You employed people, always with the want, want, want. You want a story?
    I want cash money. Doesn't mean either of us will be happy.
     
    Vigo Breadcrumbs, Jun 9, 2004
    #25
  6. billyw

    JaR Guest

    Awwww, c'mon. Tell us another one about the dot-communists!

    JaR
    Capitalist Thug
     
    JaR, Jun 9, 2004
    #26
  7. billyw

    Neil Guest

    I work for the gummint, how much $$ would you like....
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #27
  8. billyw

    Neil Guest

    I could probably write it off as a research project....
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #28
  9. billyw

    Neil Guest

    couldn't you make it into a story? (the tale of Rick Vigorous by Uncle
    Vigo)
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #29
  10. billyw

    JaR Guest

    Sounds like a pr0n movie title.

    JaR
    Video Thug
     
    JaR, Jun 9, 2004
    #30
  11. billyw

    Neil Guest

    a review of "the Broom of the System":

    Do words create reality?

    Lenore Beadsman's great-grandmother, a former student of Wittgenstein,
    thinks so. And apparantly Lenore's pet cockateel Vlad the Impaler does
    too, his ever-expanding vocabulary considered. Lenore's impotent
    boyfriend Rick Vigorous is starting to think so as well, as evidenced in
    the short stories he tells Lenore in place of sex. When great-granny and
    a group of elders are discovered missing, Lenore's life begins to
    unravel, and Pynchonesque enigma, conspiracy, and madness take over.
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #31
  12. Awright, dammit, but just so's you'll shaddap.

    There was once a Ukranian DBA on staff named Alexi, but I called him
    "Dirtclod" because he made the "Peanuts" character of Pigpen look (and
    smell) well turned out. We were having one of our daily application-
    induced crises with one of our Sybase servers, and I was sitting at the
    server room console with the "head" DBA, who was a native-born citizen.
    He was tasked with training Dirtclod, as irrational as it seemed, in
    handling these types of crises. He decided it would be best to fetch
    Dirtclod so he could see how these types of problems got resolved. He
    fetched Dirtclod from his desk, who took up a position behind my chair.

    You have to understand the server room, though. It was a converted
    office, totally unsuited to task. Nosferatu (the company owner, in case
    you'd forgotten) paid a semi-drunken air conditioner contractor to
    shoehorn a residential-grade air conditioning system into a converted
    closet, as he was too cheap to spring for a datacenter-grade unit. An
    example of just how big an abortion this was was the fact that the cold-
    air vents were in the ceiling, and the hot-air return was down by the
    floor.

    (The fact that the "server room" wouldn't have even had a lock on the
    door unless I'd gone to Home Depot and bought one out of my own fvcking
    pocket, I'll leave for another story.)

    Anyway, the result of this air conditing insanity was that the room
    temperature would swing wildly between about 60 and 90 degrees.
    Residential units are designed to run intermittently, and this one
    couldn't manage the constant hot-air outflow from the jam-packed server
    racks.

    When Dirtclod entered the server room, it was near the upside of the
    temperature curve, so the funk he emitted in waves quickly polluted the
    whole room. Eyes watering, I continued to wrestle with the server
    issue. It was then that I heard a window-rattling burst of flatulence
    erupt behind me, followed by a decidedly Eastern-European-accented wail
    of "ohhhh...my stomach!" Before I could dive for the door, a green-
    brown haze descended on the room. The stench was what I imagine would
    result from a dead goat being locked in the trunk of a Miami rental car
    for a week in August.

    I fought down my own retching. The head DBA was curled on the floor
    with an attack of the dry heaves. Electrical arcs appeared between the
    wall sockets and the server racks, and the servers themselves began
    emitting showers of sparks and clouds of thick black smoke. The
    building fire alarm sounded, and I heard the distant wail of sirens from
    the first station just down the street. I caught a vague image of
    figures in bulky haz-mat suits. Just before I lost consciousness, I
    heard Dirtclod giggling nervously.

    As the Dot Commie's diet consisted entirely of Wendy's super value meals
    and Cup-o-Noodles bought in bulk at the nearby Super Wal-Mart, it's a
    wonder the whole building wasn't declared a Superfund site.
     
    Vigo Breadcrumbs, Jun 9, 2004
    #32
  13. I already explained the origins of the "Rick Vigorous" moniker. Perhaps
    you should
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    before asking next time?

    No, not! I'm just kidding!
     
    Vigo Breadcrumbs, Jun 9, 2004
    #33
  14. billyw

    JaR Guest

    ???What were you trying to get across here???
     
    JaR, Jun 9, 2004
    #34
  15. Okay, now you've done it. The nice men in the white coats are being
    gracious enough to let me type this last reply before they put that funny
    looking jacket on me with the belts on the sleeves. Seems I took "laughing
    out loud" a bit too literally and have convinced others in the office that I
    need a bit of counseling.

    Thanks a lot, I needed a vacation.

    --
    Fris "They're coming to take me away hee hee ha ha" beeĀ®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.tk

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
     
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jun 9, 2004
    #35
  16. billyw

    JaR Guest

    Thanks, Unca Vigo! Now I won't need to go to lunch today.

    JaR
    Queasy Thug
     
    JaR, Jun 9, 2004
    #36
  17. billyw

    Neil Guest

    <regretably snipped>

    I feel better now. I can go back to work...

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #37
  18. billyw

    Neil Guest

    you were on the edge any way. (I'm over the edge. ya know I can hug
    myself all day long in this jacket...)
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #38
  19. billyw

    Neil Guest

    no, and how many questions are on the Rick Vigorous exam?

    do you have to pass all of the Rick Vigorous exams in order?

    How do I get acces to the Rick Vigorous private web site?

    should I get my Rick Vigorous Certification or wait for the Vigo
    Breadcrumbs certification?

    What's the minimum score and the time limit for the Rick Vigorous exam?
     
    Neil, Jun 9, 2004
    #39
  20. Awww...this group spoils me.

    As always, there are a few ficticious embellishments and comic
    exaggerations, but the stories are always based firmly in reality. Were
    I to tell them cold, you'd likely just weep yourself to death.

    Since you've put me in a magnanimous mood, here's a brief bonus tale:

    The building this company inhabited was a five-story office building
    with a glass exterior. The air conditioning either had to run for the
    whole five floors, or not at all. The system had a timer that turned
    everything off between 6:00PM and 6:00AM and on weekends. Since the
    rest of the tenants were sane, they were absent the building during
    these hours. Since we worked for Nosferatu (who also owned the building
    through one of his shell company tax dodges), we were confined to the
    building for much of this period. As the building was in the lower
    Sunbelt, it became decidedly uncomfortable.

    The Dot Communists all lived in cheap apartments, and had little in the
    way of personal belongings and entertainments. It was "fun" for these
    characters to take advantage of the slack usage of our multiple T1s
    after hours and hang out in the office listening to (I jest you not) a
    Ukrainan all-dance-music radio station via streaming audio. I even
    witnessed some actual terpsichory, in a decidedly Steve-Martin-and-Dan-
    Akroyd-Wild-and-Crazy-Guys style. They were, naturally, gorging
    themselves on Wendy's super value meals during these interludes.

    I mentioned the B.O. problem before, and it was only amplified by the
    hot and stuffy atmosphere prevalent throughout the building. Add to
    this mountains of grease-soaked Wendy's wrappers and bags that sat in
    garbage cans, fermenting in the still heat, and one had a veritable
    olfactory Badlands. There was nothing quite like making a quick trip to
    the office Sunday evening, when the stench was reaching its zenith,
    opening the door and being assaulted by french fries and feet. The air
    was so laden that one could see vapor trails following one's waved
    hands.

    After months of this, the smell was so ingrained in the carpet that it
    never really went away.

    I think there's a cancer at the heart of a company when an all-staff e-
    mail reminding everyone to dress up because customers will be on-site
    also includes an admonition to bathe and wash one's head...
     
    Vigo Breadcrumbs, Jun 9, 2004
    #40
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