Oh boy SLOW DAY

Discussion in 'NZ Computing' started by Collector»NZ, Mar 28, 2005.

  1. Q. Why are there are no "shift" keys on my keyboard, but
    there are two keys labeled "hif"?

    A. Again, you may want to consider cleaning your keyboard,
    and washing your hands more frequently for that matter.

    Q. Are there shift keys on my Macintosh?

    A. Yes, although instead of the notation "shift", the key
    may be labeled with an excited Mac face, something like
    :O . Press this key to use shift, and be thankful you're
    using a friendly Mac instead of a mean old PC with all
    them confusin' words 'n stuff on it.

    Q. I'm sick of pushing the shift key every single time I
    want big letters. Is there any other way to do this?

    A. This is the Modern Age of Convenience, and you may be
    able to activate the shift key merely with the power of
    your voice! Check to see whether your computer is
    equipped with speech-recognition equipment by saying
    the word "shift" very clearly and slowly into its
    speaker. Then watch the keyboard closely to see if the
    Shift key moves down. Note that you may have to repeat
    this action several times to "train" the computer to
    recognize your voice before the feature works reliably.

    Q. There are two shift keys, which should I use?

    A. Avoid unnecessary wear on either shift key by
    alternating between the two. Keep track of your usage
    of each key so that you press them in equal amounts.
    Your keyboard may be equipped with a small notepad;
    you should use this to make little tally marks in two
    columns for each time you shift. Remember, it's better
    to go to a little trouble than wind up with a broken
    shift key.

    Q. If I press the shift key at the wrong time, or too
    many times, will my computer explode?

    A. No. Well, generally no. Not unless you are using a NEC
    laptop. Or VT100 terminal emulation. But even then,
    hardly ever. Really, don't worry about it. Forget I
    mentioned it. Just type softly. Move along, next
    question.

    Q. Why are the shift keys bigger than the other keys?

    A. They aren't. This is simply an optical illusion.
    Just as the moon appears much larger when it is close to the
    horizon, your shift keys look larger because of their
    proximity to other keys. To verify this, go out in a
    large field at night with your keyboard, place it in
    an upright position, and view it from a distance of
    200 yards. Sure enough, the keys all look the same
    size!


    --
    -- ======================================================================
    | Local 40.9000°S, 174.9830°E |
    ======================================================================
    "I used to jog, but the ice kept bouncing out of my glass."
    "With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine......
    However, this is not necessarily a good idea...."
     
    Collector»NZ, Mar 28, 2005
    #1
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  2. Olly-olly option-key. :)
     
    Lawrence D¹Oliveiro, Apr 1, 2005
    #2
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