MCNGP Constitution, According to Kat

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by Kat, Jun 30, 2004.

  1. Kat

    Neil Guest

    dang I thought I had something there....
     
    Neil, Jul 1, 2004
    #61
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  2. Kat

    Kat Guest

    Nominated PotD......

    Kat

    Satisfied kitten
     
    Kat, Jul 1, 2004
    #62
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  3. Kat

    Sandworm Guest

    Actually, Space Balls is the long awaited sequel to History of the World
    part I, don't you remember they said in the coming attractions at the end
    about the Jews in Space? The title was obviously changed during script
    revisions!!!
     
    Sandworm, Jul 1, 2004
    #63
  4. Kat

    Sandworm Guest

    Like I said in the other post, Space Balls is Jews in Space, the title
    was changed during script revisions.
     
    Sandworm, Jul 1, 2004
    #64
  5. Kat

    Neil Guest

    ok, if you have to look at it that way...

    just they missed about 1000 yeas or so....
    ;)
     
    Neil, Jul 1, 2004
    #65
  6. Kat

    Sandworm Guest

    Well I don't have to look at it that way, I could look at it this way,
    or siht yaw, but I prefer to look at it

    y
    a
    w

    s
    i
    h
    t
     
    Sandworm, Jul 1, 2004
    #66
  7. Kat

    Neil Guest

    you try to confuse....

    that's a clear violation of commanment #5...

    do you know how to play religious roulette?
    You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by
    lightning first.
     
    Neil, Jul 1, 2004
    #67
  8. Kat

    Sandworm Guest

    LOL, good one.

    Actually, my grandfather (mom's dad) was a preacher (church of nazareth),
    my aunt is a minister (wesleyan church), my first wife was catholic and
    my current wife is jewish.....

    I figure (if I were ever to get divorced again...not likely though) if I
    married a buddist next I'd pretty much have all the bases covered when I
    shuffle loose this mortal coil.

    But then again considering I'm an agnostic/atheist I'm not really too
    worried, I'm just eventual worm food as we all are, but I think my
    cremation should cover me on that one too.

    Scatter my ashes into the wind, I was pretty much three sheets too them
    most of the time anyway!!!!
     
    Sandworm, Jul 1, 2004
    #68
  9. Kat

    Rowdy Yates Guest

    howz aboutz this...

    "We Are The MCNGP"

    There comes a time when we need a certain post
    When the MCNGP must come together as one
    There are people brain dumping
    Oh, and it's time to put them out of misery
    It's the greatest dump of all

    We can't go on pretending day by day
    That someone, somehow will soon put a stop to this
    We're all a part of Bill Gates' great big family
    And the truth - you know posting is all we need

    (Chorus)
    We are the MCNGP, we are the posters
    We are the ones who make a brighter day
    so let's start posting
    There's a choice we're making
    We're saving the MCSE
    It's true we'll make a better day
    Just Consultant and the MCNGP

    Well, we'll send'em packin'
    So they know to never come back
    And their lives will be worse and MCSE-free
    As Consultant has shown us
    By turning dumpers away
    And so we all must lend a helping post

    ( REPEAT CHORUS )

    When you're down and out
    There seems no hope at all
    But if you just believe
    There's no way the MCNGP can fall
    Well, well, well, let's post
    That one change can only come
    When MCNGP stand together as one

    ( REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )

    Yabba Dabba Doo...

    :)
     
    Rowdy Yates, Jul 1, 2004
    #69
  10. Kat

    Rowdy Yates Guest

    but not before the biotch gets me my beer.



    Rowdy Yates, MCSE
     
    Rowdy Yates, Jul 1, 2004
    #70
  11. Kat

    Spyke Guest

    Hmmm ... both you and Kat have left out mentioning Kerpalisms in the
    constitution and commandments. Have things changed that much already?
     
    Spyke, Jul 1, 2004
    #71
  12. Kat

    catwalker63 Guest

    Nice job!

    Here are some fee guidelines for when you've got that certification:

    New Tech Support Fees:

    *Calling me with a question - $10
    *Calling me with a stupid question - $30
    *Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $50
    *Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate
    problem description - $1000 + punitive damages
    *Questions received via phone without first trying help desk - $50
    *Questions where answer is in TFM (The @#$% Manual) - $100.00
    *Calling me back with the same problem after I fix it once - $100
    *Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my
    end somehow - $200
    *Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $25/step
    *Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile +
    gas
    *If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody
    else's problem - $170/hr
    *If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $250/hr
    *If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr
    *If you've come to ask me why something isn't working while I'm
    currently working on it - $270/hr
    *If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday -
    $175/hr
    *If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday,
    but never did fix - $85/hr
    *If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn't work
    - $95/hr
    *If you're bugging me while there's another admin in the room who
    could have done it for you -$150/hr
    *Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving
    immediately after hanging up the phone - $1500.00
    *Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having
    and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to
    look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. -
    $1700.00
    *Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning
    it's your personal machine at home - $500.00
    *Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do - $150.00
    *Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you
    not to do - $300.00
    *Not telling all of your co-workers about it - $850.00
    *Me figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive -
    $50.00
    *BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive - $250.00
    *Me fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad - $25.00
    *Me fixing your "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50.00
    *Me fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge - $35.00
    *Me fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button - $250.00
    *Me fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet drop back in -
    $375.00
    *Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger -
    $25
    *Installing programs without informing me / getting permission first -
    $100 per program
    *Technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour (regardless
    of whether I know the program or not)
    *Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of keyboard
    *Spilling coke on monitor - $50 plus cost of monitor
    *Spilling coke on CPU - $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly
    rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
    *Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to
    fix a brand new machine - $200
    *Me Spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what your problem is, and
    another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you
    say..."So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was
    telling me to do!" - $40
    *Me Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to
    see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying
    five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to
    you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind." - $35
    (including discount for polite apology)
    *Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software -
    $25

    Special Rates:
    *Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at
    site - $150.00/hour
    *Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but
    still calls every other day for help - $300.00/hour
    *Dealing with computer hobbyists - $500.00/hour
    *Questioning the other prices - $50

    These are old, I know, but I love them. I've forgotten where I got
    them.

    Enjoy but use at your own risk! <eg>

    catwalker
     
    catwalker63, Jul 1, 2004
    #72
  13. Kat

    Kat Guest

    Nope! That was in sections 4-7, which were cut for brevity.

    If you like, I can post all 24 pages....

    Kit Kat bar- snack of champions
     
    Kat, Jul 1, 2004
    #73
  14. Kat

    Kat Guest

    Snipped:

    *Deleting your user account because your too stupid to have one - Priceless


    Kat
     
    Kat, Jul 1, 2004
    #74
  15. Kat

    Spyke Guest

    Sure, post away. I have the next week and a half off :)
     
    Spyke, Jul 1, 2004
    #75
  16. Young Frankenstein.

    "What Knockers!"

    "Sank you heir doktor"

    High Anxiety

    "Today we're going to discuss... uh... pee-pee envy"

    --
    Fris "Where Wolf?" bee®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.tk

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
     
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jul 1, 2004
    #76
  17. =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jul 1, 2004
    #77
  18. Here, Kat. Here's your swimsuit. I know it's just a little flip-top
    plastic dispenser with the name Johnson & Johnson on it, but there's a
    spindle inside and you just need to pull out as much "swim suit" as you
    need. Don't waste any.

    --
    Fris "Let me know when you're done using it, I need a floss" bee®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.tk

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
     
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jul 1, 2004
    #78
  19. Kat

    kpg Guest

    May the Swartz be with you.
     
    kpg, Jul 1, 2004
    #79
  20. Kat

    Consultant Guest

    you mean like that shower scene from american history x?
     
    Consultant, Jul 1, 2004
    #80
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