For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Mavra Chang, Feb 18, 2004.

  1. Mavra Chang

    Mavra Chang Guest

    To: undisclosed-recipients:
    Subject: For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer
    Would Say

    Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

    12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

    11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if
    I am to do battle with this code!

    10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the
    original Klingon.

    9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

    8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
    'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers
    and quality assurance people in its wake.

    7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have
    'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.

    6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.

    5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
    contest. They will not concern us again.

    4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

    3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family.
    Prepare to die!

    2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you
    stand!

    And finally, the most important thing a Klingon Programmer would say
    about his/her code:

    1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it!
    Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!

    mc
    Live every day like it's your last...One day you'll be right!
     
    Mavra Chang, Feb 18, 2004
    #1
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  2. Mavra Chang

    gb Guest

    You wanna be careful Mara doesn't pounce and report you for an unnecessary
    posting to this NG. Mind you, she needs a constant stream of people to
    report, otherwise she'd run out of things to do. She only seems to live for
    telling people not to spam to the group. Talk about a boring life! Can you
    imagine? Spending all your time on here and for the most part, moaning
    about spamming and making witless comments. No wonder the internet is so
    clogged up with people like her around.....blah blah blah
    blah..................

    gb
     
    gb, Feb 18, 2004
    #2
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  3. Mavra Chang

    why? Guest

    X-No-Archive: Yes
    <snip>

    http://home.online.no/~ihoeglun/prog_guide.html

    THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES
    TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
    In various languages, C C++ Fortran Pascal ADA, 19 in total.

    C: You shoot yourself in the foot

    C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
    all in the foot. Providing emergency
    medical assistance is impossible, since you can't tell which are bitwise
    copies and which are just pointing
    at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

    FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iterative, until you run out
    of toes, then you read in next foot and repeat.
    If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot
    yourself anyways because you have no
    exception-handling capability.

    Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

    More,

    http://www.cs.man.ac.uk/~pjj/cs211/language.html
    Humourous looks at programming languages

    How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using

    Smalltalk
    You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
    system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
    workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.


    Me
     
    why?, Feb 18, 2004
    #3
  4. Mavra Chang

    DC Guest

    Mavra Chang wrote:
    [...]
    ROTFLMAO!

    [...]

    Thanks for this. }:O)
     
    DC, Feb 18, 2004
    #4
  5. Mavra Chang

    Mara Guest

    Did you find it amusing that Jim PKP jumped right on the ol' bandwagon until
    trout replied to him, and then suddenly back off? Especially since "gb" was
    simply doing the exact same thing that Jim PKP has done himself, in the past? :)

    I know I did.

    You know, I believe it's people with that kind of attitude that are responsible
    for this kind of thing:

    http://www.dailystar.com/dailystar/news/10230.php
    (Get it while it's hot, won't be up long)

    But it's the ones who fight spam that help to bring about this:

    http://thewhir.com/marketwatch/foo021604.cfm

    and this:

    http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=...lm=

    or

    http://snipurl.com/4l76

    "The choice seems simple enough to me. :)"
     
    Mara, Feb 19, 2004
    #5
  6. Mavra Chang

    trout Guest

    Considering your apparent mental age; I imagine dangling car-keys or
    an offer of candy makes you equally happy.
     
    trout, Feb 19, 2004
    #6
  7. Mavra Chang

    gb Guest

    That's sweet, you imagining things about me.

     
    gb, Feb 19, 2004
    #7
  8. Mavra Chang

    trout Guest

    It's fun to imagine. Like you imagining that your lowing grunts of
    discontent are worth posting.
     
    trout, Feb 20, 2004
    #8
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