Attn BEN SMITH!!!!

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by Guest, Jul 22, 2005.

  1. Guest

    Guest Guest


    Actually, it was speculation. For your information, I am going to pee soon,
    maybe even before I click send.

    The F-Word
     
    Guest, Jul 26, 2005
    #61
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  2. Guest

    Guest Guest

    While it's somewhat vile to consider, this is a problem that could be
    solved, if the trucking industry could take a hint from NASA. Probably some
    big business here, although I think it will fall far short of the revenues I
    will reap from MCNGP-DOS and my inuktatuk line of products.

    The F-Word
     
    Guest, Jul 26, 2005
    #62
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  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    What's the world coming to? Urine by the gallon on the highways, LARTs, and
    people who refuse to starve in order to read Neil and Doom's posts. In the
    history of our great nation, this would have been inconceivable! Despair,
    for we now live in a world without heroes, morals, or principles. Oh, the
    humanity! And all this, just so they can have mansions and jobs! It's... a
    Actually, I don't intend to spend any time studying for any of Microsoft's
    tests. I have been working on several methods by which I will approach these
    tests which will involve no intellectual requirements on my part. Of course,
    with my efforts at creating a new text to speech system for inuktatuk,
    MCNGP-DOS with LART support, and a new cheese twinkie, there may be little
    time for me to attempt all of this, however, sometimes you've just got to go
    for it.

    So here's my current thinking on how I will pass the tests to become an
    MCSE....

    First, after my inuktatuk speech products generate enormous revenues, I will
    hire 1 million monkeys to take the tests for me, and over the course of a
    hundred years, I believe they will eventually pass the tests. Those monkeys
    that fail will be sentenced to pick up urine bottles on the side of the
    highway.

    Now, I'm highly confident that the original plan above will work without
    flaw, however, it's always important to have a fallback plan, because
    experience has taught me, you simply can't put all your eggs in one google
    of monkeys... So here are several other proposed initiatives I am working
    with the Board Of Directors to ratify:

    If all of the monkeys fail, I will proceed with a more scientific approach,
    based on mathematical probabilities -- and the process of elimination. The
    first time I take each test, I will answer all questions with answer "A". If
    this fails, I will try again, with "B". And so on, through whatever letters
    are available. If I continue to fail, I will answer them in a variety of
    patterns. "A" "A" "B" "B" "C" "C" "D" "D", "A" "B" "C" "D", "A" "C" "D" "B".
    Eventually, through the process of repetively taking the tests, I will
    locate a pattern which will successfully pass each test. According to my
    latest estimates which I derived from a random program which excludes the
    name 'BOB', there are 7 tests I need to take, with roughly 60 questions
    each, totalling 7.6 million questions, with (e = i.pi - 1) = 0 total
    combinations, give or take 7.6 million.

    If that fails, I will assassinate the manager of the local Wendy's by
    pushing him face first into the special sauce. I will do this repeatedly
    until there is a worldwide shortage of Wendy's managers, thus putting a stop
    to the Wendy's system of animal cruelty, because secret sauce is people.

    If that fails, I will pose as a Microsoft employee, and proceed to use the
    word Smurf haphazardly in any and all posts I make to this newsgroup, until
    the many Smurf fans who visit this group have had enough, and become
    enraged -- in their mob mentality they will retaliate by setting fire to all
    of the Microsoft testing centers. While the Microsoft testing centers are on
    fire, I will sneak in the back, and print up an MCSE, forge Steve's
    signature, and add myself to the MCSE database. Afterwards, I will put out
    the fire, and apologize to Microsoft, and to the creator of the Smurfs, so
    there will be no harm done, and no one will be the wiser.

    If that fails, I will eat my chili with a fork.

    If that fails, I will join a monastery and pray to Vince Neil of Motley Crue
    for wisdom and the answers to the MCSE, while I endure a lifetime of
    self-prostration, because Megadeth sucks.

    If that fails, I'll post a message here asking for braindumps so I can get
    called a derogatory name.

    If that fails, I'll steal someone's tagline and write 'I've run out of
    stupid things to type'.

    Ultimately, I believe if I can accomplish all of these things in thousands
    of hours, it will actually have been VERY efficient, because killing Wendy's
    managers, hiring monkeys, taking the tests 7.6 million times, posting Smurf
    haphazardly, eating chili with a fork, joining a monastery, asking for brain
    dumps, and writing 'I've run out of stupid things to type' can be time
    consuming.

    Hope this helps,
    The F-Word
    http://www.roblindman.com/ - I'll never run out of stupid things to type
     
    Guest, Jul 26, 2005
    #63
  4. Guest

    Neil Guest

    I like to think of the "tomfoolery" as the reward for attaining the cert.
    One more cert and I get to graduate to pure jocularity.
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #64
  5. Guest

    Neil Guest

    *sniff*
    That was beautiful, man.......here's the $50
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #65
  6. Guest

    Neil Guest

    monkeys are passing some of those tests now...
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #66
  7. Guest

    Neil Guest

    oh, and PotD
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #67
  8. Guest

    CBIC Guest

    *GASP*
    I can't believe you feel that way.
     
    CBIC, Jul 26, 2005
    #68
  9. Guest

    CBIC Guest

    I think you have your priorities all wrong. I'd rather starve to death
    I hereby nominate this for PotD, PotW, PotM, and PotY.
     
    CBIC, Jul 26, 2005
    #69
  10. Guest

    Neil Guest

    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #70
  11. Guest

    Neil Guest

    quick, grab a bottle...
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #71
  12. Guest

    Neil Guest

    I too am shocked and dismayed
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #72
  13. Guest

    Guest Guest

    uh-oh... Someone get that man a new keyboard....
     
    Guest, Jul 26, 2005
    #73
  14. Guest

    Jtyc Guest

    uh-oh... Someone get that man a new keyboard....

    Haven't you people ever heard of Depends?
     
    Jtyc, Jul 26, 2005
    #74
  15. Guest

    Neil Guest

    well, that depends....
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #75
  16. Guest

    Ben Smith Guest

    I am so glad that my name will forever be associated with this thread
    spur.
     
    Ben Smith, Jul 26, 2005
    #76
  17. Guest

    Neil Guest

    Glad to be of service :)
     
    Neil, Jul 26, 2005
    #77
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