A beautiful story

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen, Oct 6, 2003.

  1. I ate some bad paella at a shady restaurant. Within two hours, I was on the
    can.

    Fiery hot streams of diarrhea erupted from my ass like a dragon breathing
    fire. I could
    feel lettuce and undigested foot chunks being shot out of my ass, I could
    hear their
    splash. I could feel the sticky, runny diarrhea clinging to my ass hairs
    like chocolate
    covered sprouts. Then I felt my stomach lunge. I flushed the toilet and bent
    over it,
    vomiting -- only the smell of diarrhea made me sicker. When I blew my nose,
    food
    chunks caught in the back of my throat shot into the kleenex -- corn, more
    lettuce and
    what looked like a piece of shrimp.

    I began to wipe my ass, intermittently stopping to shit again. I couldn't
    move. Finally, I
    was done. I wiped and wiped, half a roll of toilet paper gone, my ass red
    like a
    baboon's from the chafing -- some blood was on the paper. I used two
    washcloths to
    clean my asshairs, hopelessly caked as they were with quick drying feces. I
    hobbled into
    the shower, gritting my teeth as the hot water stung my sore and chafed ass.
    I felt the
    stream cleanse me, breaking up the crust that had soldified like quick
    cement.

    Soon I'm out of the shower, gritting my teeth as I dry off. Tasting puke and
    smelling shit,
    I wobble. Gingerly, I rub some cream on my raw ass and the expended dirt
    star and
    gingerly put on my boxers.

    I feel a fart coming on, and gently, gently begin to release it. But the
    fart takes on a life
    of its own and explodes, spattering my underwear with the resounding slap of
    a fastball
    hitting a catcher's glove.

    Defeated, I remove my soiled boxers and sit on the toilet, beginning the
    process anew.

    The gas and diarrhea smell was so bad I exhausted two candles trying to get
    rid of it!
     
    Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen, Oct 6, 2003
    #1
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  2. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    Yeah, but WE had it TOUGH!

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 7, 2003
    #2
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  3. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Simon Slavin Guest

    Just a quick heads-up that this post was cross-posted to

    24hoursupport.helpdesk,
    alt.alien.visitors,
    alt.folklore.ghost-stories,
    alt.folklore.urban,
    alt.movies.monster,
    alt.tv.sentai,
    rec.arts.horror.movies,
    rec.games.frp.dnd

    If you decide to post a follow-up, please make your post only to
    groups where your post is on-topic. Thanks for your help.
     
    Simon Slavin, Oct 7, 2003
    #3
  4. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    wnl Guest

    Of course, now you're just being silly. ;)
     
    wnl, Oct 8, 2003
    #4
  5. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    What, you mean it isn't on-topic here?

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #5
  6. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    OH! *I* get it! You just didn't want me cluttering up your newsgroup
    with off-topic posts!

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #6
  7. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    After thinking about it, I realized that my last two posts were probably
    off-topic. Sorry about that.

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #7
  8. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    Actually, I think my LAST post was probably also off-topic. As it this
    one.

    Sorry, again.

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #8
  9. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    Do you like beans?

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #9
  10. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Werebat Guest

    Sez you, Yoda.

    - Ron ^*^
     
    Werebat, Oct 8, 2003
    #10
  11. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    slumpy Guest

    "So, Mr Slumpy you *really* are the perpetual comedian, aren't you ?" I
    threw back my head and roared with laughter as Tweek continued:
    What story was that ?
    http://dts-l.org/goodpost.htm
     
    slumpy, Oct 8, 2003
    #11
  12. Are you posting in the future ? and x posting too
    Check your clock
    ...
     
    This is Rip Off UK, Oct 8, 2003
    #12
  13. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Tweek Guest

    This story was awesome!
     
    Tweek, Oct 8, 2003
    #13
  14. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Mr. Midnight Guest

    What is your real name, so I can give you credit to you when I tell
    this story at my next party,, HEH!!
     
    Mr. Midnight, Nov 15, 2003
    #14
  15. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Krhis Guest

    What is "paella"?

    (Sorry for piggybacking, but didn't get original post)
     
    Krhis, Nov 15, 2003
    #15
  16. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    billy_bunter Guest

    Mr. Midnight spluttered almost incoherently...:
    PMSL
     
    billy_bunter, Nov 15, 2003
    #16
  17. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Ubiquitous Guest

    It's a Spanish dish made with mussels, lobster, shrimp, chicken, pork,
    pepperoni, rice, saffron, and wine.
     
    Ubiquitous, Dec 1, 2003
    #17
  18. Baron Wolfgar von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimhoppen

    Olivers Guest

    Ubiquitous muttered....
    Most would call the sausage component "chorizo", v. "pepperoni" and both
    pork and even wine are sort of additions. Paella can vary widely between
    Spanish Mediterranean coastal cities of geographic origin, and many would
    confuse Zarzuela and paella.

    'Jou got to have a paella pan to make paella!

    TM "There's tortillas and tortillas and never the twain shall meet" Oliver
     
    Olivers, Dec 1, 2003
    #18
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