[Waaaay OT) Leviticus

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by JaR, Mar 2, 2004.

  1. JaR

    JaR Guest

    Found on U.F. http://www.userfriendly.org/static/

    'scuse me, I think I need to get some new stones. <EG>


    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
    people who call in to her radio show. Recently she said that
    homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22,
    and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The
    following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which
    was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
    learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
    as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
    lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
    states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
    claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
    21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
    her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
    period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do
    I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
    female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
    mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
    clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
    clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
    him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    abomination -- Lev. 11:10-- it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
    I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
    vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
    around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
    19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
    crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
    different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
    and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
    of getting the whole town together to stone them? -- Lev.24:10-16.
    Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
    with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
    can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
    unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
     
    JaR, Mar 2, 2004
    #1
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  2. JaR

    Jtyc Guest

    > 'scuse me, I think I need to get some new stones. <EG>

    I didn't know you were Jewish.
     
    Jtyc, Mar 2, 2004
    #2
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  3. JaR

    Consultant Guest

    lol, nice

    "JaR" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    >
    > Found on U.F. http://www.userfriendly.org/static/
    >
    > 'scuse me, I think I need to get some new stones. <EG>
    >
    >
    > Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
    > people who call in to her radio show. Recently she said that
    > homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22,
    > and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The
    > following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which
    > was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.
    >
    > Dear Dr. Laura:
    >
    > Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
    > learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
    > as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
    > lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
    > states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
    >
    > I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    > specific laws and how to follow them.
    >
    > 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    > pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
    > claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
    >
    > 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
    > 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
    > her?
    >
    > 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
    > period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do
    > I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
    >
    > 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
    > female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
    > mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
    > clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
    >
    > 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
    > clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
    > him myself?
    >
    > 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    > abomination -- Lev. 11:10-- it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
    > I don't agree. Can you settle this?
    >
    > 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    > defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
    > vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
    >
    > 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
    > around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
    > 19:27. How should they die?
    >
    > 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    > unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
    >
    > 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
    > crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
    > different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
    > and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
    > of getting the whole town together to stone them? -- Lev.24:10-16.
    > Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
    > with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
    >
    > I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
    > can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
    > unchanging.
    >
    > Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
     
    Consultant, Mar 2, 2004
    #3
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