Re: Ten Ways You Can Help The UFO Cover-up Continue

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Baron Maximillian von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimh, Oct 19, 2003.

  1. Sir Arthur C.B.E. Wholeflaffers A.S.A. wrote:
    > Ten Ways You Can Help The UFO Cover-up Continue by Scott H. Colborn
    >
    > 1) First but foremost, don't talk about the subject! If you're
    > hunched over the coffee pot at work and your coworker asks if you
    > watched the UFO special on TV the previous night, plead ignorance
    > and say you were watching the Gilligan's Island reruns. If you
    > are forced to make a statement, say something like "well, some say
    > there may be something to this stuff, but I don't know...." Kind
    > of roll your eyes back in your head and laugh nervously. But don't
    > say any more, because if you do, someone else might get the idea
    > that YOU BELIEVE! (To believe is a fate worse than being caught
    > in a time warp dancing cheek-to-cheek with Richard Nixon on top of
    > the big desk in the Oval Office with all your friends watching and
    > laughing hysterically and knowing that it's true.....Dick is a GOOD
    > dancer.)
    >
    > 2) Don't join any organizations that purport to be actively studying
    > the UFO mystery. If they dare to suggest that there may be a
    > reality in the thousands of worldwide reports from pilots, housewives,
    > retail clerks, farmers, psychologists, doctors, the young and the old;
    > just drop `em flat. Don't contribute any money, and heavens don't
    > give `em any of your time. 99.9% of all the organizations
    > investigating UFO's depend totally on member support. No members-no
    > support. It's that simple. Don't give `em anything and they can't
    > exist. If they don't exist, we've won. There won't be anyone to
    > challenge the "party line (see #3)." Better yet, if you gotta join
    > something and the bowling league is filled, join CSICOP. You can
    > surround yourself with such good people as Philip Klass or Joe Nichol,
    > who rarely have to interview a witness to a paranormal event before
    > making a pronouncement because after all, they know what's "going on,"
    > and they know what they are going to find before they find it. A
    > witness might just mess up "the facts." Don't worry, we have suitable
    > patriots infiltrating most of the UFO and paranormal groups, and we
    > won't let `em get too far spreading their swill about alien abductions
    > of our children and the like.
    >
    > 3) Don't read any books or magazines that have articles about UFO's.
    > Don't encourage people around you to read `em either, because if you
    > can keep `em dumb and stupid, they'll go on believing the "party
    > line." You know which party line I'm talking about, don't you? Stand
    > up while you read this and repeat after me, with your hand held over
    > your heart and your eyes suitably glazed over. Ready.....? "THERE
    > ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS UFO's...AND ANYONE REPORTING A UFO IS A
    > CRACKPOT, WEIRDO, COMMIE-LOVING LIBERAL, PERVERT
    > ALCOHOLIC DRUG TAKING SCHIZOPHRENIC WACKO
    > PEROT BELIEVER."
    >
    > 4) Never, I repeat, NEVER ask anybody important (anybody important is
    > someone that pays good money to have their shirts professionally
    > laundered) questions in public about the UFO subject or about the
    > paranormal. Especially politicians, or more importantly, politicians
    > that you helped get elected by either not voting, or by not voting for
    > the other folks. Always ask `em really deep questions like "Are you
    > going to raise taxes?" If we can just keep the UFO questions out of
    > the public arena, we have won the game. By not telling your elected
    > officials your concerns about UFO's or the paranormal, you'll never
    > endanger yourself or them with a possible violation of the "party
    > line." Of course if you're with me here, you really don't have any
    > concerns anyhow. Don't elect anyone who is a "free thinker." Keep
    > electing the folks who will listen to reason (...the "party line").
    > Keep the professional politicians going back into office year after
    > year after year, because it's the way it's always been. And it's
    > worked for the last 50 years or so.
    >
    > 5) If you ever hear anyone in your immediate vicinity talking about
    > the UFO subject or the paranormal, point your finger at `em and burst
    > out laughing. Tell `em you're going to call the people wearing the
    > white coats to take `em away. Try to make them feel as uncomfortable
    > as possible. A bunch of half-baked loonies...like they expect us to
    > take them seriously. Let `em know real quick that no one in the world
    > will listen to them or take the subject seriously. After all, you
    > don't, and you're happy, aren't you? (The scar on my calf is nothing.
    > I probably got it playing football. Those defensive tackles really
    > can gouge a guy up.)
    >
    > 6) Attempt to keep any and all discussion of UFO or paranormal
    > subjects out of the public and private schools. Remember that before
    > we adults can "mold their little minds (I heard this exact phrase
    > years ago from an adoring father of two children)," kids can be
    > freethinkers, and that's dangerous. Try to impress on your children
    > and the children of others at the very earliest age possible that
    > they should always believe everything that our government and
    > military tells `em. Always conform, don't rock the boat and never
    > ask silly questions. And never ask silly questions that might
    > reflect back on the parent and the lack of "proper values" that
    > didn't get instilled at an early age. Point out to the kids that
    > after all, if there was anything to this UFO business, the press
    > would have been all over this stuff a long time ago. Anyone knows
    > the government can't keep a secret, so we can't be expected to
    > believe for one minute that factions within our elected
    > or appointed government have little gray men! Or, that the biggest
    > secret in the history of this planet is being kept. Come on now!
    > Take as your litany the phrase made popular by a best-selling beer
    > manufacturer: "Why ask why?" There is nothing at all to get all
    > steamed up about....trust me.
    >
    > 7) Ridicule anything you read in the press, or any comments favorable
    > to the study of the UFO subject or the paranormal by broadcast media.
    > Let `em know that there are more important issues facing us. Any
    > issue will do. Take as an example the ABC Nightline program in 1983
    > that was going to feature an interview with the late Dr. J. Allen
    > Hynek on UFO's. Thank goodness at the last possible minute someone
    > in authority at ABC made the right decision (do you remember "War
    > of the Worlds?"). With Dr. Hynek seated in the ABC affiliate in
    > Omaha, NE, Nightline switched the show's focus at the last minute to
    > another subject far more important that the UFO subject, thus
    > averting the potential UFO "riot-in-the-strees" scenario. What was
    > it, you say?
    > It was the Greyhound bus strike. So don't give the UFO crazies an
    > inch of favorable coverage. If ever in doubt, remember the "party
    > line." By Jove, I think you've got it!
    >
    > 8) Let's just say for example that you know someone who purports to
    > have had a "close encounter" experience (estimates are now of possibly
    > one in fifty having had some sort of crazy wacko UFO experience).
    > Convince `em that there is just a little problem with their internal
    > hardwiring in their brains. A little medication, a little therapy to
    > resolve angst over father-mother stuff and they'll be in good shape in
    > no time, and more importantly they won't be talking about UFO's (with
    > the appropriate amounts of drugs or alcohol, they won't be walking,
    > talking or doing much of anything). Furthermore, there are ALWAYS
    > mundane explanations for someone's half-baked memories of UFO contact,
    > or worse yet, contact with occupants of UFO's. Never mind that the
    > mundane explanations are sometimes far stranger and much more twisted
    > than the possibility of alien contact. Just look `em right in the
    > eyes and say, "Come on now, you don't expect me to believe that
    > garbage, do you?" Let `em know that no one in their right mind will
    > listen to their tall tales. Certainly not us!
    >
    > 9) If this talk about UFO's or the paranormal still bugs you after
    > reading all the above, here's a simple cure: get religion. Not just
    > any old religion. You've got to get one that will make you feel bad
    > about your UFO or paranormal experiences. You've got to feel bad so
    > you can feel good. This UFO stuff...."it's the devil's business." If
    > you just change your ways and become a God-fearing person (put your
    > tithe right here) the poor old devil will just leave you alone. So
    > you've got to get a religion that discourages thinking.....thinking
    > about UFO's or the paranormal, and encourages you to view any subject
    > that is not fully understood as suspicious and to be fearful of.
    > Never mind all the references in the Christian Bible to events that
    > bear a marked similarity to UFO accounts, to ground traces and to
    > spectacular lights seen in the skies. Or, for that matter, to many
    > other sacred texts that mention accounts involving what we might
    > possibly call UFO's...that is, of course, if we believed in UFO's.
    >
    > 10) With all this said, if you yourself ever have a way-out, wild
    > UFO or paranormal experience, just call up one of your buddies in
    > CSICOP & they'll set your right. They'll tell you what you did and
    > didn't see and assure you that it's a normal reaction brought about
    > by too little sleep, too much coffee and an overactive imagination.
    > I hear that the same flocks of geese that confused veteran UFO
    > researchers with spectacular UFO (ha-ha-ha, read "geese" here)
    > overflights for years have flown indoors and are being seen in
    > bedrooms all across America. Just disregard those "visitor" tall
    > tales. A lot of talk about nothing, just silly old Mother Goose
    > stories. So, if you have any problems after "your" imaginary
    > paranormal experience,
    > a little therapy or perhaps a serious alcohol or drug addiction and
    > you won't even think about those weird memories. At least you won't
    > think about them a lot. And never mind those silly repetitious dreams
    > about imaginary encounters with the little grey guys. Just keep
    > repeating to yourself as you pour another glass for medicinal
    > purposes, "This is just in my head and it's really not happening."
    > See, you're feeling better already, aren't you? Never mind the time
    > you woke up in the middle of the night and you were in the backyard
    > with the house deadbolted from the inside. Disregard all your
    > natural senses that something fishy is going on and just get on with
    > your life. Straighten up those shoulders and fly right! Grow up-be
    > mature! Raise your family and mold their little minds, and when they
    > come to you with their nightmares about little men in their bedrooms
    > and the nosebleeds that you also had as a kid, just remember that
    > it's happening all across this country and it's as "apple pie and
    > flag-waiving right" as anything else in this great land. After all,
    > you want to be patriotic, don't you?
    Baron Maximillian von Schtuldeworfshiseundurheimh, Oct 19, 2003
    #1
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