Re: Recall

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Aardvark, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. Aardvark

    Aardvark Guest

    On Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:06:42 -0400, Goat Boy < Baaaaaaa! wrote:

    > U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths
    >
    > April 13, 2010
    >
    > WASHINGTON—Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777,
    > flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be
    > recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both
    > foreign and domestic markets.
    >
    > Representatives from the nation's leading flag producer claimed that as
    > many as 143 million deaths in the past two centuries can be attributed
    > directly to the faulty U.S. models, which have been utilized extensively
    > since the 18th century in sectors as diverse as government, the
    > military, and public education.
    >
    > "It has come to our attention that, due to the inherent risks and
    > hazards it poses, the American flag is simply unfit for general use,"
    > said Annin & Company president Ronald Burman, who confirmed that the
    > number of flag-related deaths had noticeably spiked since 2003. "I would
    > like to strongly urge all U.S. citizens: If you have an American flag
    > hanging in your home or place of business, please discontinue using it
    > immediately."
    >
    >
    > Added Burman, "The last thing we would want is for more innocent men and
    > women around the world to die because of our product."
    >
    > Millions of U.S. flag–related injuries and fatalities have been

    reported
    > over a 230-year period in locations as far flung as Europe, Cuba, Korea,
    > Gettysburg, PA, the Philippines, and Iraq. In addition, the company
    > found that U.S. flag exports to Vietnam during the late 1960s and early
    > 1970s resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, a clear sign that
    > there was something seriously wrong with its product.
    >
    > Despite fears about the flag's safety—especially when improperly used

    or
    > manipulated in ways not originally intended—sales continued unabated
    > over the years, potentially putting billions of unsuspecting people in
    > danger.
    >
    > "At first, we wanted one of our flags in every home in America," Burman
    > said. "Unfortunately, the practical applications of this product are far
    > outnumbered by the risks it presents. Millions have died needlessly, and
    > when you ask people why, they point to the flag."
    >
    > Unfortunate casualties of Old GloryÂ’s near-continuous 230-year use.
    >
    > Added Burman, "Frankly, we should have pulled it off the market decades
    > ago."
    >
    > Studies conducted by the Annin & Company research and development
    > department revealed that faulty U.S. flags have caused more than just
    > injuries and deaths. During the mid-1950s, the flags were found to have
    > the bizarre side effect of causing fear, paranoia, and hysterical
    > behavior among millions of Americans. This was dismissed as an isolated
    > event until September 2001, when similar symptoms reemerged on a massive
    > scale.
    >
    > As hazardous as the flags may be on their own, Annin & Company officials
    > claimed the products become even more dangerous when used in conjunction
    > with other common household items.
    >
    > "When combined with alcohol, excessive patriotism, grief, or
    > well-intentioned but ultimately misguided ideals, U.S. flags transform
    > into ticking time bombs, just waiting to go off," Burman said.
    >
    > Manufacturers are addressing the flag's unsafe and potentially lethal
    > alignment of stars and stripes by designing a revised model that they
    > hope will cut down on deaths in the United States and overseas, where
    > experts say the flag is nearly 1,000 times as deadly.
    >
    > In the meantime, Annin & Company is advising all Americans to either
    > ship their flags back to the manufacturer or, if no time permits,
    > dispose of them in an efficient manner.
    >
    > "I understand that people might be reluctant to stop using a product
    > they have found to be reliable over the years," Burman told reporters.
    > "But I can't in good conscience allow them to use something I know to be
    > dangerous. We'll try to make adjustments soon and come up with something
    > that benefits everybody rather than hurting them."
    >
    > Added Burman, "In the interim, I would recommend that all Americans
    > switch to the Canadian flag, which seems to be working just fine."


    The best Health and Safety recall notice I've ever seen.

    Cheers!

    --
    I'm Josef Fritzl, and No Windows was my idea.
     
    Aardvark, Jun 15, 2010
    #1
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