Re: Dark Conspiracy

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe, Oct 14, 2003.

  1. Harlow wrote:
    > For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to
    > believe they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer,
    > a service for which they charge a substantial rate. The recent
    > accidental acquisition of secret records from a well known power
    > company has led to a massive research campaign which positively
    > explodes several myths and exposes the massive hoax which has been
    > perpetrated upon the public by the power companies.
    >
    > The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    > emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK
    > which is then transported back to the power generation stations via
    > wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
    > scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.
    >
    > This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory,
    > which proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark
    > has great mass, and further, that dark particle (the anti-photon) is
    > the fastest known particle in the universe. Apparently, even the
    > celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not suspect the truth.. that just
    > as COLD is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE of
    > DARK... scientists have now proven that light does not really exist!
    >
    > The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck
    > dark. Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are
    > right now. There is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than
    > there is elsewhere, demonstrating their limited range. The larger the
    > darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a
    > parking lot or on a football field have a much greater capacity than
    > the ones used in the home, for example. Because of their larger
    > capacity, they need larger wires to transport the dark back to the
    > power company.
    >
    > It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a
    > celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark,
    > sucking it in from all the planets and intervening dark space.
    > Naturally, the Sun is better able to suck dark from the planets which
    > are situated closer to it, thus explaining why those planets appear
    > brighter than do those which are far distant from the Sun.
    >
    > Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions,
    > dark spots appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long
    > studied these 'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize
    > that the dark spots represent leaks of high pressure dark because the
    > Sun has oversucked dark to such an extent that some dark actually
    > leaks back into space. This leakage of high pressure dark frequently
    > causes problems with radio communic ations here on Earth due to
    > collisions between the dark particles as they stream out into space
    > at high velocity via the black 'holes' in the surface of the Sun.
    >
    > As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime
    > caused by the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting
    > collected dark back to the power company via the wires from your
    > home, causing dark to build up slowly within the device. Once they
    > are full of accumulated dark, they can no longer suck. This condition
    > can be observed by looking for the black spot on a full darksucker
    > when it has reached maximum capacity of untransmitted dark... you
    > have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds a full darksucker
    > because it no longer has the capacity to suck any dark at all.
    >
    > A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick.
    > You will notice that after the first use the wick turns black,
    > representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold
    > a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn
    > black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
    > It is of no use to plug a candle into an electrical outlet; it can
    > only collect dark..... it has no transmission capabilities.
    > Unfortunately, these primitive darksuckers have a very limited range
    > and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.
    >
    > There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in
    > these devices collect dark which is passed to a dark storage unit
    > called a battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be
    > either emptied (a process called 'recharging') or replaced before the
    > portable darksucker can continue to operate. If you break open a
    > battery, you will find dense black dark inside, evidence that it is
    > actually a compact dark storage unit.
    >
    > The darksuckers on your automobile are high capacity units with great
    > range, thus they require much larger dark storage units mounted under
    > the hood of the vehicle. Since there is far more dark available in
    > the winter season, automobile dark storage units reach capacity more
    > frequently than they do in the summer, requiring 'recharging', or in
    > severe cases, total replacement.
    >
    > Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction
    > caused by the speed and mass of the dark particles (called
    > anti-photons) actually generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise
    > to touch an operating darksucker. Candles represent a special
    > problem, as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through
    > clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat, making it very
    > dangerous to touch an operating candle.
    >
    > Because dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just
    > below the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of
    > dark, to be more precise). As you go deeper and deeper beneath the
    > surface, you will notice that it gets darker and darker. When you
    > reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness.
    > This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake,
    > making it appear 'lighter' near the surface.
    >
    > The power companies have learned to use the dark which has settled to
    > the bottom of lakes and rivers by pushing it through turbines, which
    > generates the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean
    > where it may be safely stored for their devious purposes.
    >
    > Prior to the development of turbines, it was much more difficult to
    > get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians
    > recognized this problem, and developed means to assist the flow of
    > dark on its long journey to the ocean. When on a river in a canoe
    > travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled
    > slowly, so as not to impede the flow of dark; but when they travelled
    > against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to help propel the
    > dark along its way.
    >
    > Scientists are working feverishly to develop exotic new
    > instumentation with which to measure the actual speed and energy
    > level of dark. While such instumentation is beyond the capabilities
    > of the average layman, you can actually perform a test to demonstrate
    > the unbelievable speed of dark, right in your own home.
    >
    > All that is required for the simple test is a closed desk drawer
    > situated in a bright room. You know from past experience that the
    > tightly shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on
    > the drawer's handle. Quickly yank the drawer open.. the dark
    > immediately disappears, demonstrating the blinding speed with which
    > the dark travels to the nearest darksucker!
    >
    > The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies.
    > Dark must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect
    > it in vast quantities. By some well hidden method, more modern power
    > 'generation' facilities have devised methods to hide their collection
    > of dark. The older facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles
    > of solidified dark in huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these
    > facilities are told that the huge black piles of material are
    > supplies of coal, but such is not the case.
    >
    > The power companies have long used secret acronyms to disguise their
    > activities; 'D.C.' stands for 'Dark Conspiracy', while 'A.C.' is
    > suspected to represent the 'Alternate Conspiracy' which will most
    > likely be used exclusively once the secrets of D.C. are totally
    > understood. D.C. is rapidly yielding its secrets to the probing eyes
    > and instruments of honest scientists around the world. The U.S.
    > Attorney General is considering action to be taken against the power
    > companies for the theft and stockpiling of dark from 'consumers'. New
    > developments are being announced every day and we promise to keep the
    > public informed of these announcements as they occur via this
    > newsletter.


    ..
     
    Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe, Oct 14, 2003
    #1
    1. Advertising

  2. Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe

    Phil Guest

    If you should ever visit our planet, feel free to pop in for a quick
    visit!!!!!

    "Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe" <> wrote in message
    news:7rGib.731$...
    > Harlow wrote:
    > > For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to
    > > believe they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer,
    > > a service for which they charge a substantial rate. The recent
    > > accidental acquisition of secret records from a well known power
    > > company has led to a massive research campaign which positively
    > > explodes several myths and exposes the massive hoax which has been
    > > perpetrated upon the public by the power companies.
    > >
    > > The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    > > emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK
    > > which is then transported back to the power generation stations via
    > > wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
    > > scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.
    > >
    > > This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory,
    > > which proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark
    > > has great mass, and further, that dark particle (the anti-photon) is
    > > the fastest known particle in the universe. Apparently, even the
    > > celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not suspect the truth.. that just
    > > as COLD is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE of
    > > DARK... scientists have now proven that light does not really exist!
    > >
    > > The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck
    > > dark. Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are
    > > right now. There is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than
    > > there is elsewhere, demonstrating their limited range. The larger the
    > > darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a
    > > parking lot or on a football field have a much greater capacity than
    > > the ones used in the home, for example. Because of their larger
    > > capacity, they need larger wires to transport the dark back to the
    > > power company.
    > >
    > > It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a
    > > celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark,
    > > sucking it in from all the planets and intervening dark space.
    > > Naturally, the Sun is better able to suck dark from the planets which
    > > are situated closer to it, thus explaining why those planets appear
    > > brighter than do those which are far distant from the Sun.
    > >
    > > Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions,
    > > dark spots appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long
    > > studied these 'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize
    > > that the dark spots represent leaks of high pressure dark because the
    > > Sun has oversucked dark to such an extent that some dark actually
    > > leaks back into space. This leakage of high pressure dark frequently
    > > causes problems with radio communic ations here on Earth due to
    > > collisions between the dark particles as they stream out into space
    > > at high velocity via the black 'holes' in the surface of the Sun.
    > >
    > > As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime
    > > caused by the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting
    > > collected dark back to the power company via the wires from your
    > > home, causing dark to build up slowly within the device. Once they
    > > are full of accumulated dark, they can no longer suck. This condition
    > > can be observed by looking for the black spot on a full darksucker
    > > when it has reached maximum capacity of untransmitted dark... you
    > > have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds a full darksucker
    > > because it no longer has the capacity to suck any dark at all.
    > >
    > > A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick.
    > > You will notice that after the first use the wick turns black,
    > > representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold
    > > a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn
    > > black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
    > > It is of no use to plug a candle into an electrical outlet; it can
    > > only collect dark..... it has no transmission capabilities.
    > > Unfortunately, these primitive darksuckers have a very limited range
    > > and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.
    > >
    > > There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in
    > > these devices collect dark which is passed to a dark storage unit
    > > called a battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be
    > > either emptied (a process called 'recharging') or replaced before the
    > > portable darksucker can continue to operate. If you break open a
    > > battery, you will find dense black dark inside, evidence that it is
    > > actually a compact dark storage unit.
    > >
    > > The darksuckers on your automobile are high capacity units with great
    > > range, thus they require much larger dark storage units mounted under
    > > the hood of the vehicle. Since there is far more dark available in
    > > the winter season, automobile dark storage units reach capacity more
    > > frequently than they do in the summer, requiring 'recharging', or in
    > > severe cases, total replacement.
    > >
    > > Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction
    > > caused by the speed and mass of the dark particles (called
    > > anti-photons) actually generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise
    > > to touch an operating darksucker. Candles represent a special
    > > problem, as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through
    > > clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat, making it very
    > > dangerous to touch an operating candle.
    > >
    > > Because dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just
    > > below the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of
    > > dark, to be more precise). As you go deeper and deeper beneath the
    > > surface, you will notice that it gets darker and darker. When you
    > > reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness.
    > > This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake,
    > > making it appear 'lighter' near the surface.
    > >
    > > The power companies have learned to use the dark which has settled to
    > > the bottom of lakes and rivers by pushing it through turbines, which
    > > generates the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean
    > > where it may be safely stored for their devious purposes.
    > >
    > > Prior to the development of turbines, it was much more difficult to
    > > get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians
    > > recognized this problem, and developed means to assist the flow of
    > > dark on its long journey to the ocean. When on a river in a canoe
    > > travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled
    > > slowly, so as not to impede the flow of dark; but when they travelled
    > > against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to help propel the
    > > dark along its way.
    > >
    > > Scientists are working feverishly to develop exotic new
    > > instumentation with which to measure the actual speed and energy
    > > level of dark. While such instumentation is beyond the capabilities
    > > of the average layman, you can actually perform a test to demonstrate
    > > the unbelievable speed of dark, right in your own home.
    > >
    > > All that is required for the simple test is a closed desk drawer
    > > situated in a bright room. You know from past experience that the
    > > tightly shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on
    > > the drawer's handle. Quickly yank the drawer open.. the dark
    > > immediately disappears, demonstrating the blinding speed with which
    > > the dark travels to the nearest darksucker!
    > >
    > > The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies.
    > > Dark must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect
    > > it in vast quantities. By some well hidden method, more modern power
    > > 'generation' facilities have devised methods to hide their collection
    > > of dark. The older facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles
    > > of solidified dark in huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these
    > > facilities are told that the huge black piles of material are
    > > supplies of coal, but such is not the case.
    > >
    > > The power companies have long used secret acronyms to disguise their
    > > activities; 'D.C.' stands for 'Dark Conspiracy', while 'A.C.' is
    > > suspected to represent the 'Alternate Conspiracy' which will most
    > > likely be used exclusively once the secrets of D.C. are totally
    > > understood. D.C. is rapidly yielding its secrets to the probing eyes
    > > and instruments of honest scientists around the world. The U.S.
    > > Attorney General is considering action to be taken against the power
    > > companies for the theft and stockpiling of dark from 'consumers'. New
    > > developments are being announced every day and we promise to keep the
    > > public informed of these announcements as they occur via this
    > > newsletter.

    >
    > .
    >
    >
     
    Phil, Oct 14, 2003
    #2
    1. Advertising

  3. Phil wrote:

    > If you should ever visit our planet, feel free to pop in for a quick
    > visit!!!!!


    Actually, this has been floating around in geekdom for years. Still funny
    though, regardless of the instant source.
    --
    Gary G. Taylor * Rialto, CA
    gary at donavan dot org / http:// geetee dot donavan dot org
    "The two most abundant things in the universe
    are hydrogen and stupidity." --Harlan Ellison
     
    Gary G. Taylor, Oct 14, 2003
    #3
  4. On 10/13/2003 4:20 PM Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe spake thus:

    > Harlow wrote:


    [...]

    >> The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    >> emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK
    >> which is then transported back to the power generation stations via
    >> wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
    >> scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.


    As someone who likes to fool around with cameras, I can tell you that it's
    well known among photographers that the purpose of light seals, bellows, etc.,
    on cameras is not to keep light from leaking in; it's to keep the dark from
    leaking out.
     
    David Nebenzahl, Oct 14, 2003
    #4
  5. Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe

    Crashj Guest

    David Nebenzahl <> wrote in message news:<>...
    > On 10/13/2003 4:20 PM Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe spake thus:
    >
    > > Harlow wrote:

    >
    > [...]
    >
    > >> The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    > >> emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK

    <>
    > As someone who likes to fool around with cameras, I can tell you that it's
    > well known among photographers that the purpose of light seals, bellows,
    > on cameras is not to keep light from leaking in; it's to keep the dark from
    > leaking out.


    A neglected part of this is that there is magic smoke in the wires. If
    it leaks out the dark process stops. The darkening smoke can be
    directed away in ducts.

    Crashj "do I have to spell it out for you?" Johnson
     
    Crashj, Oct 15, 2003
    #5
  6. On 10/15/2003 7:09 AM Crashj spake thus:

    > David Nebenzahl <> wrote in message news:<>...
    >> On 10/13/2003 4:20 PM Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe spake thus:
    >>
    >> > Harlow wrote:

    >>
    >> [...]
    >>
    >> >> The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    >> >> emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK

    > <>
    >> As someone who likes to fool around with cameras, I can tell you that it's
    >> well known among photographers that the purpose of light seals, bellows,
    >> on cameras is not to keep light from leaking in; it's to keep the dark from
    >> leaking out.

    >
    > A neglected part of this is that there is magic smoke in the wires. If
    > it leaks out the dark process stops. The darkening smoke can be
    > directed away in ducts.


    No; magic smoke is in chips only (as in "you let the magic smoke out of that
    PAL"). Never heard anyone refer to it as being in wires.


    --
    The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK
    which is then transported back to the power generation stations via
    wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
    scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.

    - Flotsam collected from Usenet (probably alt.alien.visitors)
     
    David Nebenzahl, Oct 15, 2003
    #6
  7. Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe

    JC Dill Guest

    On Wed, 15 Oct 2003 11:37:02 -0700, David Nebenzahl
    <> wrote:

    >No; magic smoke is in chips only (as in "you let the magic smoke out of that
    >PAL"). Never heard anyone refer to it as being in wires.


    Nonononono. The magic smoke is what runs your computer monitor and
    directs it to absorb differing amounts of dark to produce the picture
    on your screen. And as we all know, if you let the magic smoke out,
    the monitor won't work anymore.

    jc
     
    JC Dill, Oct 15, 2003
    #7
  8. On 10/15/2003 2:16 PM JC Dill spake thus:

    > On Wed, 15 Oct 2003 11:37:02 -0700, David Nebenzahl
    > <> wrote:
    >
    >>No; magic smoke is in chips only (as in "you let the magic smoke out of that
    >>PAL"). Never heard anyone refer to it as being in wires.

    >
    > Nonononono. The magic smoke is what runs your computer monitor and
    > directs it to absorb differing amounts of dark to produce the picture
    > on your screen. And as we all know, if you let the magic smoke out,
    > the monitor won't work anymore.


    Finally, something we all can agree on.


    --
    The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs
    emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK
    which is then transported back to the power generation stations via
    wire networks. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new
    scientific name for the device is DARKSUCKER.

    - Flotsam collected from Usenet (probably alt.alien.visitors)
     
    David Nebenzahl, Oct 15, 2003
    #8
  9. Lord Avner Williamsburr Smythe

    Crashj Guest

    David Nebenzahl <> wrote in message news:<>...
    > On 10/15/2003 7:09 AM Crashj spake thus:

    <>
    Crashj previously on afu:
    > > A neglected part of this is that there is magic smoke in the wires. If
    > > it leaks out the dark process stops. The darkening smoke can be
    > > directed away in ducts.

    >
    > No; magic smoke is in chips only (as in "you let the magic smoke out of that
    > PAL"). Never heard anyone refer to it as being in wires.


    You must be an electronics engineer, what with chips and all.
    I am a mechanical engineer; we deal with wires.

    Crashj 'do not piss on electrical equipment' Johnson
     
    Crashj, Oct 16, 2003
    #9
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