Re: A #1 Baby Raping Festival TV Show

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Stevie Surrealist, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. [Top-posting corrected...]

    "Frosty the Serial Baby Raper" continues his quest in
    news:Xns9947852FD6561CztuM@193.202.122.24:
    >
    > "American Baby-Raping Idol"
    >
    >
    > I have a great idea for a new TV show. This is my pitch to you, the
    > American people. Here's the show : a bunch of people up on a stage rape
    > babies. Now, you might be saying that this idea is a tad simplistic, if
    > not the worst fucking thing you've ever heard, but just stick with me on
    > this.
    >
    > A show made up of a bunch of people raping babies may seem like a
    > one-note idea that would run out of steam real quick, but here's the
    > hook : a panel of three judges evaluate the baby-rapers. Throw some
    > judges into the mix and the most repellant, repetitive thing on earth
    > becomes a contest. And who doesn't love a contest? No matter how
    > boring or nauseating something is, if you turn it into a competition,
    > idiots will watch in droves.
    >
    > And this idea is hardly without precedent. If you doubt how successful
    > this will be, let me pose this question to you : Do you know anyone that
    > likes, or even anyone that doesn't hate, karaoke? No, of course you
    > don't. We all fucking hate karaoke except for the one fucking asshole in
    > the bar that drank until he forgot his wife cheated on him. And yet a
    > constant string of people singing karaoke has dominated television
    > ratings for the past five years. The secret? It's a competition. This
    > is why I'm positive that my baby- raping show will do well.
    >
    > Just like karaoke, roughly one in 10,000 Americans like baby-rape.
    > Hardly the kind of numbers that would warrant centering a show around
    > baby-rape, but make it a competition and you've got millions upon
    > millions of viewers tuning in week after week to witness the
    > bone-snapping insanity.
    >
    > "But you can't compare baby-rape to American Idol. Singing is a
    > talent." My first response to that would be that molestation is a
    > talent, but even if you disagree with that, there still exists a
    > blueprint to prove that my idea can work. Consider the success of Fear
    > Factor for a moment. At its peak Fear Factor was a top 10 show. Now, if
    > you just show a bunch of guys eating cow placenta or giraffe fetuses you
    > would do well to get half a million viewers on "Max X" or "America's
    > Nuttiest Animal Eaters." But the producers of Fear Factor had the good
    > sense to make it a competition and turn what would otherwise be a Jerry
    > Springer episode into a prime-time hit.
    >
    > Now that I've convinced you this can work, let me give you a more
    > detailed rundown of how the show will go. First things first. The
    > judges will need to be washed-up celebrities and/or have crazy
    > personalities. This isn't a necessity, but my target demographic is
    > fucking morons, and they eat that shit up. The idea is that the
    > celebrity judges are at least loosely associated with baby-rape, so I
    > have a pretty broad field of people to choose from in Hollywood. Here's
    > a short list of people I'm looking at right now. Any of the men from
    > Full House, Gabe Kaplan (Welcome Back, Kotter), Bruce Vilanch, Scott
    > Baio, the retard from Life Goes On, Phylicia Rashad and Dakota Fanning.
    > I'll have to narrow down the list, obviously, but I think it's a good
    > group.
    >
    > As far as the show itself goes, there will be three stages to the
    > season. For the first stage I'll show a bunch of people that aren't good
    > at raping babies and the judges will make fun of them. People fumbling
    > with the baby, dropping the baby, having trouble getting all the way in,
    > guys that can't get it up and have to resort to fingering the baby,
    > stuff like that. For example, some guy with a premature baby might blow
    > his load before he has a chance to rape it, and the judge will say
    > something like "Looks like the baby isn't the only one who came early."
    > That'll be the funny stage of the show.
    >
    > Stage two will be when the competition starts to heat up. Only the
    > truly serious baby-rapers will be left and they will force each other to
    > raise their game. They'll want to leave something for the final round,
    > but don't be surprised if you see some contestants go for double
    > penetration. Or a contestant raping one baby with his mouth while he
    > rapes another with his cock.
    >
    > Stage three will start with the 10 best baby-rapers. At this stage the
    > home viewers will be asked to vote on their favorites. In this
    > democratic process I can't very well control how you vote, but please
    > vote for who you think is the most qualified baby raper. Don't just
    > vote for someone because the baby he raped was Chinese or because you
    > liked the crazy Hawaiian shirt he tied the baby up with.
    >
    > So that's the show. If all goes smoothly, it should be on the air later
    > this year. I hope you all tune in. And if you're interested in
    > auditioning please remember that your baby can't be any older than 18
    > months and it must be alive.
    >
    > Thanks for your time and I'll see you all in Hollywood!
    >
    > --
    >
    >
    >
    > .--------.
    > * . |________| . *
    > | __|/\
    > * .-'======\_\o/.
    > /___________<>__\
    > |||||| / (o) (o) \
    > |||||| | _ O _ | .
    > . |||||| | (_) (_) |
    > |||||| \ '---' / *
    > \====/ [~~~~~~~~~]
    > \\// _/~||~`|~~~~~\_
    > _||-'`/ || | \`'-._ *
    > * .-` )| ; || |) ; '.
    > / `--.| || | | `\
    > | \ |||||) |-, \ .
    > \ .; _ ; |_, |
    > `'''||` ,\ (_) /, `.__/
    > ||.` '. .' `. *
    > * || ` ' ' ` \
    > || ;
    > . * || | .
    > || | *
    > || |
    > .__.-""-.__.-"""|| ;.-"""-.__.-""-.__.
    > || /
    > ||'. .'
    > || '-._ _ _ _ _.-'
    > `""`


    [Top-posting corrected...]


    I bet someone thinks that is funny - just a harmless "troll"?

    That is absolutely *digusting*!!! Sick bastard! I hope
    they throw someone *under* the jail. You definately need
    some help.

    It is totally disrespectful of all decent conventions and
    behaviours; and someone makes jokes about it as if it is
    somehow entertaining.

    This is *America* - and people will *not* put up with this!!!

    We are not French, Canadian or Scandinavian -- after all!

    Unless... they limit the babies to unwanted or unadoptable
    African orphans; Mexican dumpster babies, and Central American
    wards of social services - while their parents are serving out
    their drug trafficing sentences; Oriental babies of unwanted
    pregnancies or whose parents died in the shipping containers;
    and maybe some American homeless crack-babies, but only on a
    case-by-case basis; and absolutely *no* British babies, because
    raping them will cause your teeth to rot. (The Scottish are
    proof of that.)

    That might even be providing a service - a pathway to full
    American citizenship for these TV kids, if they pay the fine,
    do the time and pass the tests. [Examples: Who is the 5th
    president of the US? Which was the 7th state to sign the
    Declaration of Independence? "I" before "E" except after
    "[ ? ]"? etc.]

    It's a way to get them off the dole, and *paying* taxes...

    Oh yeah, to stay they should have to learn *English*,
    remain employed, and none of those car-horns that play
    "La Cucaracha" or little-round-chain steering wheels.
    Stevie Surrealist, Jun 6, 2007
    #1
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  2. Stevie Surrealist

    Robb Guest

    Re: Chrome Chain Steering Wheels (was) #1 ....

    Stevie Surrealist wrote:

    [deleted that]

    >little-round-chain steering wheels.


    If you don't use them in cars, what do you propose to do with
    them? They don't work as submarine ballast.

    --
    Robb
    Robb, Jun 6, 2007
    #2
    1. Advertising

  3. > "Frosty the Serial Baby Raper" continues his quest in
    > news:Xns9947852FD6561CztuM@193.202.122.24:
    >>
    >> "American Baby-Raping Idol"
    >>
    >> I have a great idea for a new TV show. This is my pitch
    >> to you, the American people. Here's the show : a bunch of
    >> people up on a stage rape babies.
    >>
    >> [...]



    Stevie Surrealist <> wrote in
    news:Xns9947A757F4F6BCztuM@193.202.122.102:
    >
    > [...]
    >
    > This is *America* - and people will *not* put up with this!!!
    >
    > [..]



    Evidently you idiots do not believe in the baby Jesus,
    because He *is* *going* *to* *burn* *you* *in* *_Hell_*
    for srewing with children. Tsk, tsk... for shame!

    --

    My newest company is developing computer chips which
    store and play music for implantation into women's boobs.

    This may resolve complaints from women about men always
    staring at their breasts - but never listening to them!
    Bucky Breeder, Jun 7, 2007
    #3
    1. Advertising

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