Re: A #1 Baby Raping Festival TV Show

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Stevie Surrealist, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. [Top-posting corrected...]

    "Frosty the Serial Baby Raper" continues his quest in
    > "American Baby-Raping Idol"
    > I have a great idea for a new TV show. This is my pitch to you, the
    > American people. Here's the show : a bunch of people up on a stage rape
    > babies. Now, you might be saying that this idea is a tad simplistic, if
    > not the worst fucking thing you've ever heard, but just stick with me on
    > this.
    > A show made up of a bunch of people raping babies may seem like a
    > one-note idea that would run out of steam real quick, but here's the
    > hook : a panel of three judges evaluate the baby-rapers. Throw some
    > judges into the mix and the most repellant, repetitive thing on earth
    > becomes a contest. And who doesn't love a contest? No matter how
    > boring or nauseating something is, if you turn it into a competition,
    > idiots will watch in droves.
    > And this idea is hardly without precedent. If you doubt how successful
    > this will be, let me pose this question to you : Do you know anyone that
    > likes, or even anyone that doesn't hate, karaoke? No, of course you
    > don't. We all fucking hate karaoke except for the one fucking asshole in
    > the bar that drank until he forgot his wife cheated on him. And yet a
    > constant string of people singing karaoke has dominated television
    > ratings for the past five years. The secret? It's a competition. This
    > is why I'm positive that my baby- raping show will do well.
    > Just like karaoke, roughly one in 10,000 Americans like baby-rape.
    > Hardly the kind of numbers that would warrant centering a show around
    > baby-rape, but make it a competition and you've got millions upon
    > millions of viewers tuning in week after week to witness the
    > bone-snapping insanity.
    > "But you can't compare baby-rape to American Idol. Singing is a
    > talent." My first response to that would be that molestation is a
    > talent, but even if you disagree with that, there still exists a
    > blueprint to prove that my idea can work. Consider the success of Fear
    > Factor for a moment. At its peak Fear Factor was a top 10 show. Now, if
    > you just show a bunch of guys eating cow placenta or giraffe fetuses you
    > would do well to get half a million viewers on "Max X" or "America's
    > Nuttiest Animal Eaters." But the producers of Fear Factor had the good
    > sense to make it a competition and turn what would otherwise be a Jerry
    > Springer episode into a prime-time hit.
    > Now that I've convinced you this can work, let me give you a more
    > detailed rundown of how the show will go. First things first. The
    > judges will need to be washed-up celebrities and/or have crazy
    > personalities. This isn't a necessity, but my target demographic is
    > fucking morons, and they eat that shit up. The idea is that the
    > celebrity judges are at least loosely associated with baby-rape, so I
    > have a pretty broad field of people to choose from in Hollywood. Here's
    > a short list of people I'm looking at right now. Any of the men from
    > Full House, Gabe Kaplan (Welcome Back, Kotter), Bruce Vilanch, Scott
    > Baio, the retard from Life Goes On, Phylicia Rashad and Dakota Fanning.
    > I'll have to narrow down the list, obviously, but I think it's a good
    > group.
    > As far as the show itself goes, there will be three stages to the
    > season. For the first stage I'll show a bunch of people that aren't good
    > at raping babies and the judges will make fun of them. People fumbling
    > with the baby, dropping the baby, having trouble getting all the way in,
    > guys that can't get it up and have to resort to fingering the baby,
    > stuff like that. For example, some guy with a premature baby might blow
    > his load before he has a chance to rape it, and the judge will say
    > something like "Looks like the baby isn't the only one who came early."
    > That'll be the funny stage of the show.
    > Stage two will be when the competition starts to heat up. Only the
    > truly serious baby-rapers will be left and they will force each other to
    > raise their game. They'll want to leave something for the final round,
    > but don't be surprised if you see some contestants go for double
    > penetration. Or a contestant raping one baby with his mouth while he
    > rapes another with his cock.
    > Stage three will start with the 10 best baby-rapers. At this stage the
    > home viewers will be asked to vote on their favorites. In this
    > democratic process I can't very well control how you vote, but please
    > vote for who you think is the most qualified baby raper. Don't just
    > vote for someone because the baby he raped was Chinese or because you
    > liked the crazy Hawaiian shirt he tied the baby up with.
    > So that's the show. If all goes smoothly, it should be on the air later
    > this year. I hope you all tune in. And if you're interested in
    > auditioning please remember that your baby can't be any older than 18
    > months and it must be alive.
    > Thanks for your time and I'll see you all in Hollywood!
    > --
    > .--------.
    > * . |________| . *
    > | __|/\
    > * .-'======\_\o/.
    > /___________<>__\
    > |||||| / (o) (o) \
    > |||||| | _ O _ | .
    > . |||||| | (_) (_) |
    > |||||| \ '---' / *
    > \====/ [~~~~~~~~~]
    > \\// _/~||~`|~~~~~\_
    > _||-'`/ || | \`'-._ *
    > * .-` )| ; || |) ; '.
    > / `--.| || | | `\
    > | \ |||||) |-, \ .
    > \ .; _ ; |_, |
    > `'''||` ,\ (_) /, `.__/
    > ||.` '. .' `. *
    > * || ` ' ' ` \
    > || ;
    > . * || | .
    > || | *
    > || |
    > .__.-""-.__.-"""|| ;.-"""-.__.-""-.__.
    > || /
    > ||'. .'
    > || '-._ _ _ _ _.-'
    > `""`

    [Top-posting corrected...]

    I bet someone thinks that is funny - just a harmless "troll"?

    That is absolutely *digusting*!!! Sick bastard! I hope
    they throw someone *under* the jail. You definately need
    some help.

    It is totally disrespectful of all decent conventions and
    behaviours; and someone makes jokes about it as if it is
    somehow entertaining.

    This is *America* - and people will *not* put up with this!!!

    We are not French, Canadian or Scandinavian -- after all!

    Unless... they limit the babies to unwanted or unadoptable
    African orphans; Mexican dumpster babies, and Central American
    wards of social services - while their parents are serving out
    their drug trafficing sentences; Oriental babies of unwanted
    pregnancies or whose parents died in the shipping containers;
    and maybe some American homeless crack-babies, but only on a
    case-by-case basis; and absolutely *no* British babies, because
    raping them will cause your teeth to rot. (The Scottish are
    proof of that.)

    That might even be providing a service - a pathway to full
    American citizenship for these TV kids, if they pay the fine,
    do the time and pass the tests. [Examples: Who is the 5th
    president of the US? Which was the 7th state to sign the
    Declaration of Independence? "I" before "E" except after
    "[ ? ]"? etc.]

    It's a way to get them off the dole, and *paying* taxes...

    Oh yeah, to stay they should have to learn *English*,
    remain employed, and none of those car-horns that play
    "La Cucaracha" or little-round-chain steering wheels.
    Stevie Surrealist, Jun 6, 2007
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  2. Robb

    Robb Guest

    Re: Chrome Chain Steering Wheels (was) #1 ....

    Stevie Surrealist wrote:

    [deleted that]

    >little-round-chain steering wheels.

    If you don't use them in cars, what do you propose to do with
    them? They don't work as submarine ballast.

    Robb, Jun 6, 2007
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  3. > "Frosty the Serial Baby Raper" continues his quest in
    > news:Xns9947852FD6561CztuM@
    >> "American Baby-Raping Idol"
    >> I have a great idea for a new TV show. This is my pitch
    >> to you, the American people. Here's the show : a bunch of
    >> people up on a stage rape babies.
    >> [...]

    Stevie Surrealist <> wrote in
    > [...]
    > This is *America* - and people will *not* put up with this!!!
    > [..]

    Evidently you idiots do not believe in the baby Jesus,
    because He *is* *going* *to* *burn* *you* *in* *_Hell_*
    for srewing with children. Tsk, tsk... for shame!


    My newest company is developing computer chips which
    store and play music for implantation into women's boobs.

    This may resolve complaints from women about men always
    staring at their breasts - but never listening to them!
    Bucky Breeder, Jun 7, 2007
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