OT: SQL humor

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by Thor, Oct 13, 2007.

  1. Thor

    Thor Guest

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  2. Thor

    Thor Guest

    Thor, Oct 13, 2007
    #2
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  3. Thor

    Jtyc Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    I'm laughing on the inside...
     
    Jtyc, Oct 15, 2007
    #3
  4. Re: SQL humor

    SELECT * FROM users
    WHERE clue > 0

    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "Jtyc" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > I'm laughing on the inside...
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #4
  5. Thor

    Jtyc Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    > SELECT * FROM users
    > WHERE clue > 0


    Are you implying that I don't get it?
     
    Jtyc, Oct 15, 2007
    #5
  6. Re: SQL humor

    No, I was making my own SQL humor. If I was implying you didn't get it I'd
    have written something like

    SELECT ngID, ngName
    FROM users
    WHERE joke NOT IN ('gotit', 'getsit')
    GO

    UPDATE users
    SET joke = 'gotit'
    WHERE ngID = 'UPPER(jytc)

    :)

    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "Jtyc" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    >> SELECT * FROM users
    >> WHERE clue > 0

    >
    > Are you implying that I don't get it?
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #6
  7. Thor

    kpg* Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    INSERT INTO Existance (Life) VALUES ("getOne")

    kp "it was funnier in my head" g
     
    kpg*, Oct 15, 2007
    #7
  8. Thor

    catwalker63 Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "The Rev [MCT]" <> prattled ceaselessly in news:
    #:

    > SELECT * FROM users
    > WHERE clue > 0
    >


    Returns 0 rows.

    --
    Catwalker
    MCNGP #43
    www.mcngp.com
    "Definitely not wearing any underwear."
     
    catwalker63, Oct 15, 2007
    #8
  9. Re: SQL humor

    CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    WITH ENCRYPTION AS

    --BEGIN PROC

    DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)

    USE TEMPDB
    GO

    CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    (fname varchar(50),
    lname varchar,(50),
    ssid int (9),
    birthdate date)

    INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    GO

    USE Mankind
    GO

    SELECT * FROM RevLife
    INTO RevLifeBackup
    GO

    TRUNCATE RevLife
    GO

    SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    INTO RevLife
    GO

    TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    GO

    INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    FROM #FakeIdentity
    GO

    USE TEMPDB
    DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    GO

    --END PROC




    EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife
    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "kpg*" <> wrote in message
    news:Xns99CA814AA687Fipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
    >
    > INSERT INTO Existance (Life) VALUES ("getOne")
    >
    > kp "it was funnier in my head" g
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #9
  10. Re: SQL humor

    Sounds about right. ;)

    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "catwalker63" <> wrote in message
    news:Xns99CA6DA13C48Ecatwalker63athotmail@216.196.97.136...
    > "The Rev [MCT]" <> prattled ceaselessly in news:
    > #:
    >
    >> SELECT * FROM users
    >> WHERE clue > 0
    >>

    >
    > Returns 0 rows.
    >
    > --
    > Catwalker
    > MCNGP #43
    > www.mcngp.com
    > "Definitely not wearing any underwear."
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #10
  11. Thor

    Frisbee® Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in message
    news:%...
    > CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    > WITH ENCRYPTION AS
    >
    > --BEGIN PROC
    >
    > DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
    >
    > USE TEMPDB
    > GO
    >
    > CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    > (fname varchar(50),
    > lname varchar,(50),
    > ssid int (9),
    > birthdate date)
    >
    > INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    > VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    > GO
    >
    > USE Mankind
    > GO
    >
    > SELECT * FROM RevLife
    > INTO RevLifeBackup
    > GO
    >
    > TRUNCATE RevLife
    > GO
    >
    > SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    > INTO RevLife
    > GO
    >
    > TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    > GO
    >
    > INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    > SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    > FROM #FakeIdentity
    > GO
    >
    > USE TEMPDB
    > DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    > GO
    >
    > --END PROC
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife


    Thanks for reminding me why I never took any SQL exams.
     
    Frisbee®, Oct 15, 2007
    #11
  12. Re: SQL humor

    LOL

    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "Frisbee®" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in message
    > news:%...
    >> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    >> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
    >>
    >> --BEGIN PROC
    >>
    >> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> GO
    >>
    >> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    >> (fname varchar(50),
    >> lname varchar,(50),
    >> ssid int (9),
    >> birthdate date)
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    >> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE Mankind
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM RevLife
    >> INTO RevLifeBackup
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    >> INTO RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    >> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    >> FROM #FakeIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    >> GO
    >>
    >> --END PROC
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife

    >
    > Thanks for reminding me why I never took any SQL exams.
    >
    >
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #12
  13. Thor

    kpg* Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in news:#
    :

    > CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    > WITH ENCRYPTION AS
    >
    > --BEGIN PROC
    >
    > DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
    >
    > USE TEMPDB
    > GO
    >
    > CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    > (fname varchar(50),
    > lname varchar,(50),
    > ssid int (9),
    > birthdate date)
    >
    > INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    > VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    > GO
    >
    > USE Mankind
    > GO
    >
    > SELECT * FROM RevLife
    > INTO RevLifeBackup
    > GO
    >
    > TRUNCATE RevLife
    > GO
    >
    > SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    > INTO RevLife
    > GO
    >
    > TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    > GO
    >
    > INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    > SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    > FROM #FakeIdentity
    > GO
    >
    > USE TEMPDB
    > DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    > GO
    >
    > --END PROC
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife



    You passed the interview...

    I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
    project.
     
    kpg*, Oct 15, 2007
    #13
  14. Thor

    Frisbee® Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "kpg*" <> wrote in message
    news:Xns99CA91CA28E1ipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
    > "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in news:#
    > :
    >
    >> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    >> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
    >>
    >> --BEGIN PROC
    >>
    >> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> GO
    >>
    >> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    >> (fname varchar(50),
    >> lname varchar,(50),
    >> ssid int (9),
    >> birthdate date)
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    >> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE Mankind
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM RevLife
    >> INTO RevLifeBackup
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    >> INTO RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    >> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    >> FROM #FakeIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    >> GO
    >>
    >> --END PROC
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife

    >
    >
    > You passed the interview...
    >
    > I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
    > project.


    HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!

    Er... cough. Maybe I should wait until after this Saturday.
     
    Frisbee®, Oct 15, 2007
    #14
  15. Re: SQL humor

    You do realize I chagre like 100 bucks an hour for AdHoc work and I tend to
    drink alot while doing it so it might take me a while. :)

    --
    ..rev

    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without
    accepting it"
    ~Aristotle
    ..
    "kpg*" <> wrote in message
    news:Xns99CA91CA28E1ipostthereforeiam@207.46.248.16...
    > "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in news:#
    > :
    >
    >> CREATE PROC up_stealidentity
    >> WITH ENCRYPTION AS
    >>
    >> --BEGIN PROC
    >>
    >> DECLARE @hIdentity varchar(20)
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> GO
    >>
    >> CREATE TABLE #FakeIdentity
    >> (fname varchar(50),
    >> lname varchar,(50),
    >> ssid int (9),
    >> birthdate date)
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO #FakeIdentity
    >> VALUES ('Butt', 'Pirate', 123456789, '12-31-1999')
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE Mankind
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM RevLife
    >> INTO RevLifeBackup
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> SELECT * FROM @hIdentity
    >> INTO RevLife
    >> GO
    >>
    >> TRUNCATE @hIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> INSERT INTO @hIdentity(fname,lname, ssid, birthdate)
    >> SELECT fname, lname, ssid, birthdate
    >> FROM #FakeIdentity
    >> GO
    >>
    >> USE TEMPDB
    >> DROP #FakeIdentiyy
    >> GO
    >>
    >> --END PROC
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> EXEC up_stealidentity KGPLife

    >
    >
    > You passed the interview...
    >
    > I'll send you a list of stored procedures I need written for my latest
    > project.
    >
     
    The Rev [MCT], Oct 15, 2007
    #15
  16. Thor

    kpg* Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    > HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!

    At least were still in single digits.

    For now.

    kp" Auburn who?" g
     
    kpg*, Oct 15, 2007
    #16
  17. Thor

    CBIC Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "Frisbee®" <> wrote in message
    news:...

    > HAW HAW YORE TEAM LOST TO KENTUCKY!
    >
    > Er... cough. Maybe I should wait until after this Saturday.
    >
    >


    Speaking of college football, during the UT vs Iowa State game I believe the
    term "face r@pe" was used for the first time in prime time. I almost died
    laughing.
     
    CBIC, Oct 15, 2007
    #17
  18. Thor

    kpg* Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in
    news::

    > You do realize I chagre like 100 bucks an hour for AdHoc work and I
    > tend to drink alot while doing it so it might take me a while. :)


    That's OK. I write my best code when I'm sloshed. Or is that when
    I'm stoned? I dunno, I forget.
     
    kpg*, Oct 15, 2007
    #18
  19. Thor

    Thor Guest

    Re: SQL humor

    I use reporting services, and it times out.
    What am I doing wrong?
    53

    "The Rev [MCT]" <> wrote in message
    news:%...
    > SELECT * FROM users
    > WHERE clue > 0
    >
    > --
    > .rev
    >
    > "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought
    > without
    > accepting it"
    > ~Aristotle
    > .
    > "Jtyc" <> wrote in message
    > news:...
    >> I'm laughing on the inside...

    >
     
    Thor, Oct 15, 2007
    #19
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