OT: My mother sucks

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by Ken Briscoe, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. Ken Briscoe

    Ken Briscoe Guest

    Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While I'm not
    in Alaska or anything, -5 overnight is still pretty cold. And, of course, I
    didn't have a bottle of DryGas in my gas tank. So that bitch froze my fuel
    lines. So I get ready to go to work this morning, and the car won't start.
    Yay. So I pushed it into the sun, whatever that's worth, and waited half an
    hour. Of course, by this time, we're up to 1 degree (Fahehehhehheherenheit),
    so maybe I'll get lucky. Nope. Wait 10 seconds, try again. Nope. Wait 10
    seconds, try again. Nope. I figure I'll spray some ether up in there, give
    it a little kick start. If the pistons pump a few times, it might create
    enough heat to melt the fuel just a whisker. Nope. I even got a frigging
    hair dryer out there, but I know cars like I know astrophysics, so I'm just
    pissing in teh wind at this point. But, cut to the chase, I killed my
    battery trying to start the car. Christ! I knew this would happen. Luckily,
    I was running early this morning, so I figured I still had time to get over
    to Wal-Mart and buy a battery. Yeah, I walk the 1/2 mile to WalMart, buy a
    battery and some fuel treatment, and head back. Like I said, I'm rather
    inept when it comes to cars, and I couldn't even get the dead battery out.
    It's locked in there somehow. I even googled "Pontiac Grand Am battery
    removal", like a retard. Google sucks when you actually need something.
    Anyway, I called in and said I wouldn't be in at 9, but maybe I'd be in by
    lunch. Yeah, I've lounged around for the last two hours, and I don't think I
    have any plans to go back out there to fiddle-diddle with the car today.
    Screw that - beer thirty starts now. I'll just wait for the old man - he's
    good with cars. Maybe by the time he can get over here the ice in the fuel
    lines will have melted. God, I hate mother nature.

    Whore.


    Ken
    Ken Briscoe, Jan 21, 2005
    #1
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  2. Ken Briscoe

    Jtyc Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    Didn't you plug you car in for the night?





    I remember it getting so cold the tires would be flat in the mornings.
    Jtyc, Jan 21, 2005
    #2
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  3. Ken Briscoe

    Doom Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    "Ken Briscoe" <> wrote in message
    news:eas9a18$...
    > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp.

    <nice rant snipped>

    I have a tip for you. fill your tank with ethanol gas. It has alcohol in it
    so there's no water in it. NO water no ice. also get a block heater for your
    car. Plug it in at night. Starts much easier. I can't believe you googled
    for instructions on removing a battery. Now that's funny. I live where it
    gets pretty cold, not as cold as our colleagues up north but my stuff starts
    every morning.
    Doom, Jan 21, 2005
    #3
  4. Re: My mother sucks

    Ken Briscoe wrote:
    > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While
    > I'm not in Alaska or anything, -5 overnight is still pretty cold.
    > And, of course, I didn't have a bottle of DryGas in my gas tank.


    Too late now, since your battery's dead, but you probably should have tried
    a spray can of starter. I don't remember what they call it anymore, it's
    been 25 years since I've had to drive in cold weather. You take off the
    cover to your air filter and spray the stuff right in the air intake. Never
    failed for me to start the car no matter how cold.

    Your battery was most likely NOT dead, it's just a reaction to the cold.
    Keep your receipt on the new battery. Let the old one warm up a bit inside
    your place and test it later. No point in buying a new battery that will
    only get cold, too, if the old one still works. What about the contacts?
    Was there a lot of corrosion? Believe it or not, coca-cola makes a good
    terminal contact cleaner, but in your case, you just might make a frozen
    coke instead.

    Good luck (or bad luck if you'd rather stay home).

    PLEASEdon'ttrytostartme...

    PLEASEdon'trytostartme....

    I'mtooCOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOld.
    I'mtooCOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOld.

    Damb...

    --
    Fris "Not a mechanic, but I play one on USENET" bee®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.com

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jan 21, 2005
    #4
  5. Ken Briscoe

    Ken Briscoe Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    "Frisbee®" <> wrote in message
    news:uws1HH9$...
    > Ken Briscoe wrote:
    > > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While
    > > I'm not in Alaska or anything, -5 overnight is still pretty cold.
    > > And, of course, I didn't have a bottle of DryGas in my gas tank.

    >
    > Too late now, since your battery's dead, but you probably should have

    tried
    > a spray can of starter. I don't remember what they call it anymore, it's
    > been 25 years since I've had to drive in cold weather. You take off the
    > cover to your air filter and spray the stuff right in the air intake.

    Never
    > failed for me to start the car no matter how cold.


    I don't know the technical term, but "ether" is what I used. I don't feel
    like going down to the garage to read the label.

    > Your battery was most likely NOT dead, it's just a reaction to the cold.


    Right....it *was* not dead. I'm pretty sure it was just iced in teh fuel
    lines. But after trying 85.3 times to start the car, *now* it's dead.

    > Keep your receipt on the new battery. Let the old one warm up a bit

    inside
    > your place and test it later. No point in buying a new battery that will
    > only get cold, too, if the old one still works.


    I'm 100% sure that if I can get it started (jump start, whatever), that the
    battery will hold a charge, as I installed some fancy-pants electronics in
    it a few weeks ago, and over the course of the day, almost killed the
    battery. Gave it a jump with my dad's car, and I haven't had a problem
    since. So the alternator works, but I don't (and didn't this morning) have a
    car handy to jump it. So I figured what the hell, I'll just drop $50 on a
    new battery, instead of waiting for a tow truck or calling one of my parents
    at work to come jump me. Or, god forbid, tracking down one of my crazy
    neighbors.

    > What about the contacts?
    > Was there a lot of corrosion?


    Clean as a whistle. Not an ounce of muck.

    > Believe it or not, coca-cola makes a good
    > terminal contact cleaner,


    I've heard that...imagine what that crap does to your teeth? Damn.

    > but in your case, you just might make a frozen
    > coke instead.


    Yes, coke-sicle under the hood.

    > Good luck (or bad luck if you'd rather stay home).


    What the hell? I have sick days and vacation days just burning a hole in my
    pocket.

    > PLEASEdon'ttrytostartme...
    >
    > PLEASEdon'trytostartme....
    >
    > I'mtooCOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOld.
    > I'mtooCOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOld.


    Whoa, you *do* know cars! That's the sound it was making!


    Ken
    Ken Briscoe, Jan 21, 2005
    #5
  6. Ken Briscoe

    BrianS Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    Dude , you really wanted to go to work today. I would have called it quits
    somewhere after pushing it into the sun and before the hair dryer. Kudos
    for the effort. That's why I moved from Canada to sunny SoCal.

    Kind regards,
    Your boss.

    "Ken Briscoe" <> wrote in message
    news:eas9a18$...
    > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While I'm not
    BrianS, Jan 21, 2005
    #6
  7. Ken Briscoe

    Worm Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    Gosh...it's been 80 (Fahehehhehheherenheit) here. I know why I'd neveh live
    anywhere else. *smirk*
    (Good luck with the car. When I lived in Wyoming, my battery died, too. Went
    to relase the hood and the hood release handle broke off in my hand. When I
    got the vice grips attacked to the cable, the mount broke. After securing
    the mount with Hose clamp, I opened a beer. End of story. I moved right
    after the ground defrosted.)


    "Ken Briscoe" <> wrote in message
    news:eas9a18$...
    > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While I'm not
    > in Alaska or anything, -5 overnight is still pretty cold. And, of course,
    > I
    > didn't have a bottle of DryGas in my gas tank. So that bitch froze my fuel
    > lines. So I get ready to go to work this morning, and the car won't start.
    > Yay. So I pushed it into the sun, whatever that's worth, and waited half
    > an
    > hour. Of course, by this time, we're up to 1 degree
    > (Fahehehhehheherenheit),
    > so maybe I'll get lucky. Nope. Wait 10 seconds, try again. Nope. Wait 10
    > seconds, try again. Nope. I figure I'll spray some ether up in there, give
    > it a little kick start. If the pistons pump a few times, it might create
    > enough heat to melt the fuel just a whisker. Nope. I even got a frigging
    > hair dryer out there, but I know cars like I know astrophysics, so I'm
    > just
    > pissing in teh wind at this point. But, cut to the chase, I killed my
    > battery trying to start the car. Christ! I knew this would happen.
    > Luckily,
    > I was running early this morning, so I figured I still had time to get
    > over
    > to Wal-Mart and buy a battery. Yeah, I walk the 1/2 mile to WalMart, buy a
    > battery and some fuel treatment, and head back. Like I said, I'm rather
    > inept when it comes to cars, and I couldn't even get the dead battery out.
    > It's locked in there somehow. I even googled "Pontiac Grand Am battery
    > removal", like a retard. Google sucks when you actually need something.
    > Anyway, I called in and said I wouldn't be in at 9, but maybe I'd be in by
    > lunch. Yeah, I've lounged around for the last two hours, and I don't think
    > I
    > have any plans to go back out there to fiddle-diddle with the car today.
    > Screw that - beer thirty starts now. I'll just wait for the old man - he's
    > good with cars. Maybe by the time he can get over here the ice in the fuel
    > lines will have melted. God, I hate mother nature.
    >
    > Whore.
    >
    >
    > Ken
    >
    >
    Worm, Jan 21, 2005
    #7
  8. Ken Briscoe

    billyw Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    that never happens over here.. it's way too busy raining to get that cold


    "Ken Briscoe" <> wrote in message
    news:eas9a18$...
    > Mother nature, that is. She froze my fuel lines, that tramp. While I'm not
    > in Alaska or anything, -5 overnight is still pretty cold. And, of course,
    > I
    > didn't have a bottle of DryGas in my gas tank. So that bitch froze my fuel
    > lines. So I get ready to go to work this morning, and the car won't start.
    > Yay. So I pushed it into the sun, whatever that's worth, and waited half
    > an
    > hour. Of course, by this time, we're up to 1 degree
    > (Fahehehhehheherenheit),
    > so maybe I'll get lucky. Nope. Wait 10 seconds, try again. Nope. Wait 10
    > seconds, try again. Nope. I figure I'll spray some ether up in there, give
    > it a little kick start. If the pistons pump a few times, it might create
    > enough heat to melt the fuel just a whisker. Nope. I even got a frigging
    > hair dryer out there, but I know cars like I know astrophysics, so I'm
    > just
    > pissing in teh wind at this point. But, cut to the chase, I killed my
    > battery trying to start the car. Christ! I knew this would happen.
    > Luckily,
    > I was running early this morning, so I figured I still had time to get
    > over
    > to Wal-Mart and buy a battery. Yeah, I walk the 1/2 mile to WalMart, buy a
    > battery and some fuel treatment, and head back. Like I said, I'm rather
    > inept when it comes to cars, and I couldn't even get the dead battery out.
    > It's locked in there somehow. I even googled "Pontiac Grand Am battery
    > removal", like a retard. Google sucks when you actually need something.
    > Anyway, I called in and said I wouldn't be in at 9, but maybe I'd be in by
    > lunch. Yeah, I've lounged around for the last two hours, and I don't think
    > I
    > have any plans to go back out there to fiddle-diddle with the car today.
    > Screw that - beer thirty starts now. I'll just wait for the old man - he's
    > good with cars. Maybe by the time he can get over here the ice in the fuel
    > lines will have melted. God, I hate mother nature.
    >
    > Whore.
    >
    >
    > Ken
    >
    >
    billyw, Jan 21, 2005
    #8
  9. Ken Briscoe

    JaR Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, Ken Briscoe climbed on a soapbox &
    opined:

    When I used to live where it got that cold and had a POS car, I used to put
    a trouble light with a 100 watt bulb under the engine. It usually kept the
    fusker just warm enough that it would start. Chances are your fuel lines
    didn't freeze unless you somehow (a) got water in your fuel tank and (b)
    got a bunch of it in the fuel line, it just gets hard to start a car when
    the oil is like sludge, the gas doesn't want to vaporize properly, and the
    battery only has 40% or less of it's cranking power. The ether (starting
    fluid) will blow holes in the pistons if you use too much, so be careful
    with it. The fuel additive you are talking about pouring in your tank is
    mostly alchohol, which acts as a dryer(alchohol absorbs H2O).

    --
    JaR
    Thug 10110
    Click on MCNGP.com and call a taxi!
    JaR, Jan 21, 2005
    #9
  10. Re: My mother sucks

    JaR wrote:
    > In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, Ken Briscoe climbed on a soapbox &
    > opined:
    >
    > The fuel
    > additive you are talking about pouring in your tank is mostly
    > alchohol, which acts as a dryer(alchohol absorbs H2O).


    Well, GOOD $DEITY! No wonder there are so many alcoholics in the world!
    The more you drink, the thirstier you get!

    So if you REALLY wanted to get rid of all the water in the gas tank, you
    should pour down a bottle of grain alcohol?

    Hell, why not just run the car on that only? I'll bet you'd get a
    $bignumber MPG that way!

    --
    Fris "The intarweb was useful today" bee®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.com

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jan 21, 2005
    #10
  11. Ken Briscoe

    JaR Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, Frisbee® climbed on a soapbox & opined:

    > So if you REALLY wanted to get rid of all the water in the gas tank, you
    > should pour down a bottle of grain alcohol?
    >
    > Hell, why not just run the car on that only? I'll bet you'd get a
    > $bignumber MPG that way!


    Up here, by state decree, our gas is 10% alchohol from Nov1 to Apr30.
    Supposedly for Air Quality™. Much more than that, and you will burn the
    valves unless the car is modded to run on alchohol. And yes, you can pour a
    bottle of ethanol in your tank to dry the fuel. If your state allows the
    sale of such that is<G> Mine doesn't, we have to go to Montana to buy it.
    But then, as it's already in the gas here, we just use it to make liqeurs.
    (Home made coffee liqeur is the shiznits!

    --
    JaR
    Thug 10110
    Click on MCNGP.com and pour a glass of Everclear & Kool-ade.
    JaR, Jan 21, 2005
    #11
  12. Re: My mother sucks

    JaR wrote:
    > (Home made coffee liqeur is the shiznits!


    Nothing funnier than a wired drunk.
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jan 21, 2005
    #12
  13. Ken Briscoe

    JaR Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, Frisbee® climbed on a soapbox & opined:

    > JaR wrote:
    >> (Home made coffee liqeur is the shiznits!

    >
    > Nothing funnier than being a wired drunk.
    >
    >


    IFYPFY<g>

    --
    JaR
    Thug 10110
    Click on MCNGP.com and BOUNCE OFF THE WALLS!!!!!
    JaR, Jan 21, 2005
    #13
  14. Re: My mother sucks

    >> (Home made coffee liqeur is the shiznits!
    >
    >Nothing funnier than a wired drunk.


    what about a bookcase falling on to a lamer?

    Kline Sphere (Chalk) MCNGP #3
    The Poster Formerly Known as Kline Sphere, Jan 21, 2005
    #14
  15. Ken Briscoe

    JaR Guest

    Re: My mother sucks

    In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, The Poster Formerly Known as Kline
    Sphere climbed on a soapbox & opined:

    >>Nothing funnier than a wired drunk.

    >
    > what about a bookcase falling on to a lamer?


    Now *that's* entertainment!

    --
    JaR
    Thug 10110
    Click on MCNGP.com and join the mafia!
    JaR, Jan 21, 2005
    #15
  16. Ken Briscoe

    catwalker63 Guest

    "Ken Briscoe" <> prattled ceaslessly in
    news:eas9a18$:

    > I killed my battery trying to start the car. Christ! I knew this would
    > happen. Luckily, I was running early this morning, so I figured I
    > still had time to get over to Wal-Mart and buy a battery. Yeah, I walk
    > the 1/2 mile to WalMart, buy a battery and some fuel treatment, and
    > head back. Like I said, I'm rather inept when it comes to cars, and I
    > couldn't even get the dead battery out. It's locked in there somehow.
    > I even googled "Pontiac Grand Am battery removal", like a retard.
    > Google sucks when you actually need something.


    Dude, I'm a girl and I replaced the battery in my mother's car. All by
    myself, without google.

    I'm gonna be ROTFLMAO all day long!

    --
    Catwalker
    aka Pu$$y Feet
    BS, MCP
    MCNGP #43
    www.mcngp.com

    "I'm not bossy! I just know what nerdbunchanumbers should be doing!"
    catwalker63, Jan 21, 2005
    #16
  17. Ken Briscoe

    Ken Briscoe Guest

    "catwalker63" <> wrote in message
    news:Xns95E57334054CFcatwalker63athotmail@216.196.97.136...
    >
    > Dude, I'm a girl and I replaced the battery in my mother's car. All by
    > myself, without google.
    >
    > I'm gonna be ROTFLMAO all day long!


    I mean, it's not like I've *never* changed a battery...just not in this car.
    Now stop trying to make me feel better. Unless you'd like to remove your
    shirt. Then that's alright.
    Ken Briscoe, Jan 21, 2005
    #17
  18. catwalker63 wrote:
    > "Ken Briscoe" <> prattled ceaslessly in
    > news:eas9a18$:
    >
    >> I killed my battery trying to start the car. Christ! I knew this
    >> would happen. Luckily, I was running early this morning, so I
    >> figured I still had time to get over to Wal-Mart and buy a battery.
    >> Yeah, I walk the 1/2 mile to WalMart, buy a battery and some fuel
    >> treatment, and head back. Like I said, I'm rather inept when it
    >> comes to cars, and I couldn't even get the dead battery out. It's
    >> locked in there somehow. I even googled "Pontiac Grand Am battery
    >> removal", like a retard. Google sucks when you actually need
    >> something.

    >
    > Dude, I'm a girl and I replaced the battery in my mother's car. All
    > by myself, without google.
    >
    > I'm gonna be ROTFLMAO all day long!


    I'm guessing Ken's in touch with his feminine side, and you're in touch with
    your masculine side.

    --
    Fris "Did you forget to shave today?" bee®, MCNGP #13

    The MCNGP Team - We're here to help!
    http://www.mcngp.com

    Certaholics
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
    =?Windows-1252?Q?Frisbee=AE?=, Jan 21, 2005
    #18
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