OT: Monday's Memo

Discussion in 'MCSE' started by OTHMAN, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. OTHMAN

    OTHMAN Guest

    DRESS CODE

    1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
    If we see you wearing Prada shoes, a Giorgio Armani suit or carrying a
    Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not
    need a pay raise.

    2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
    so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay
    raise.

    3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
    you do not need a pay raise.

    SICK DAYS

    We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you
    are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    HOLIDAY DAYS

    Each employee will receive 52 personal days a year of holidays. They are
    called Sunday.

    COMPASSIONATE LEAVE

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
    relatives, friends or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
    employee involvement attend the arrangements. In rare cases where the
    employee's involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
    the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
    hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

    TOILET USE

    1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
    three-minutes limit in the cubicles.

    2. At the end of the three-minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper
    roll
    will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

    3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company's
    notice board under the "chronic offenders" category.

    4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's
    mental health policy.

    LUNCH BREAK

    1. Skinny employees get 30 minutes break for lunch, as they need to eat more
    so that they will look healthy.

    2,. Normal size employees get 15 minutes break for lunch to get a balanced
    meal to maintain their average figure.

    3. Chubby employees get 5 minutes break for lunch, because that's all the
    time needed to drink a "slim-fast."

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember, we are an employer
    of choice and we are here to provide positive employment experience.

    Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
    irritations, aggravations, (revelations) insinuations, allegations,
    accusations, contemplations,
    consternations and input should be directed elsewhere.

    --
    The End
     
    OTHMAN, Jun 30, 2008
    #1
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