My goldfish

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Guest

    My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm a
    doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the poor
    fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease, huge
    farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!
    --
    Dr. Bill, yap-yap dog of alt.os.windows-xp & alt.os.windows-vista
    http://www.angelfire.com/psy/doctorbill/yap-yap_dog.jpg
     
    Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007
    #1
    1. Advertising

  2. Dr. Bill

    Mike Easter Guest

    Dr. Bill wrote:
    > My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now.
    > I'm a doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing
    > the poor fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of
    > intestinal disease, huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of?
    > Advice please!


    This koi vet has a good little article, and there are a lot of others.
    There are many causes ranging from intestinal to swimbladder disease.

    http://www.koivet.com/html/articles...d=154&category=16&name=Goldfish Information#6
    Goldfish Disorders - by Doc Johnson - Goldfish Flipover Disease

    --
    Mike Easter
     
    Mike Easter, Jul 2, 2007
    #2
    1. Advertising

  3. "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >
    > My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm a
    > doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the poor
    > fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    > huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!



    Oh yeah, sure, I'd bet, yaaeeehhhh uhhh huhhh, what kind of "doctor" cannot
    pick up the telephone and professional courtesy over to a vet with some
    background in fish or connections thereto?

    Additionally, what kind of "doctor" would observe his pet swimming upside
    down, or any other unusual and/or atypical behaviour, for *2* hours, much
    less 2 days, without initiating some kind of inquiries... a web forum
    specializing in such interests, for example.

    Doctor "Bored on the 4th of July" ? (ssshhh, it's a pun, but I don't want
    to get Tom Cruise all a-stirred and whoop out some kind of Scientology Voo
    Doo curse on me...)

    Please... Personally, I'm leaning toward ornithological neurology over
    [what's that Latin term for "blowing smoke up everyone's arses"?].

    --

    http://www.misternicehands.com/

    (Click on either hand...)

    If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    makes a lot of sense...

    then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    Bucky Breeder, Jul 2, 2007
    #3
  4. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Guest

    "Bucky Breeder" <> schreef in
    bericht news:Xns9961618AC5EBDDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
    > "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    > news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>
    >> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm a
    >> doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the poor
    >> fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    >> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

    >
    >
    > Oh yeah, sure, I'd bet, yaaeeehhhh uhhh huhhh, what kind of "doctor"
    > cannot
    > pick up the telephone and professional courtesy over to a vet with some
    > background in fish or connections thereto?


    You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet to treat my goldfish, now
    wouldn't we!?
    http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg
    >
    > Additionally, what kind of "doctor" would observe his pet swimming upside
    > down, or any other unusual and/or atypical behaviour, for *2* hours, much
    > less 2 days, without initiating some kind of inquiries... a web forum
    > specializing in such interests, for example.
    >
    > Doctor "Bored on the 4th of July" ? (ssshhh, it's a pun, but I don't want
    > to get Tom Cruise all a-stirred and whoop out some kind of Scientology Voo
    > Doo curse on me...)
    >
    > Please... Personally, I'm leaning toward ornithological neurology over
    > [what's that Latin term for "blowing smoke up everyone's arses"?].
    >
    > --
    >
    > http://www.misternicehands.com/
    >
    > (Click on either hand...)
    >
    > If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    > but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    > makes a lot of sense...
    >
    > then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007
    #4
  5. Dr. Bill

    TJ Guest

    Bucky Breeder <> wrote in
    news:Xns9961618AC5EBDDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13:

    > "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    > news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>
    >> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now.


    <snip>

    > Please... Personally, I'm leaning toward ornithological neurology
    > over [what's that Latin term for "blowing smoke up everyone's
    > arses"?].



    He may have been kidding, or maybe not.

    There are a couple of things that I can think of off the top of my head
    that will cause loss of equilibrium in fish. The most common is 'swim
    bladder' disease.

    TJ
     
    TJ, Jul 2, 2007
    #5
  6. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Guest

    "Mike Easter" <> schreef in bericht
    news:4689091b$0$97266$...
    > Dr. Bill wrote:
    >> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now.
    >> I'm a doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing
    >> the poor fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of
    >> intestinal disease, huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of?
    >> Advice please!

    >
    > This koi vet has a good little article, and there are a lot of others.
    > There are many causes ranging from intestinal to swimbladder disease.
    >
    > http://www.koivet.com/html/articles...d=154&category=16&name=Goldfish Information#6
    > Goldfish Disorders - by Doc Johnson - Goldfish Flipover Disease


    Thank you sir, (also on behalf of "Brutus", my goldfish) I'm hoping to find
    clues on that site!
    >
    > --
    > Mike Easter
    >
     
    Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007
    #6
  7. >> "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    >> news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>>
    >>> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm
    >>> a doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the
    >>> poor fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal
    >>> disease, huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!



    > "Bucky Breeder" pro bono-ed his best inquiry verification procedure
    > in news:Xns9961618AC5EBDDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
    >>
    >> Oh yeah, sure, I'd bet, yaaeeehhhh uhhh huhhh, what kind of "doctor"
    >> cannot pick up the telephone and professional courtesy over to a vet
    >> with somebackground in fish or connections thereto?
    >>
    >> Additionally, what kind of "doctor" would observe his pet swimming
    >> upside down, or any other unusual and/or atypical behaviour, for *2*
    >> hours, much less 2 days, without initiating some kind of inquiries... a
    >> web forum specializing in such interests, for example.
    >>
    >> Doctor "Bored on the 4th of July" ? (ssshhh, it's a pun, but I don't
    >> want to get Tom Cruise all a-stirred and whoop out some kind of
    >> Scientology Voo Doo curse on me...)
    >>
    >> Please... Personally, I'm leaning toward ornithological neurology over
    >> [what's that Latin term for "blowing smoke up everyone's arses"?].



    Whoops... there it is ~>
    "Dr. Bill" <> bemoaned his grief
    in news:468916e5$0$6741$4all.nl:
    >
    > You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet
    > to treat my goldfish,now wouldn't we!?
    >
    > http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg



    Oh me, oh my... How insensitive I must have been perceived by the family?

    It is truely sad when a beloved pet has lived out its life expectancy and is
    about to go on to pet heaven after having brought much joy to both family and
    friends for many years. Yes, it has brought glory to God's will with its
    life travels.

    I just hung up from an international conference call, and there are two (2)
    scientifically viable methods for possible revival of your beloved pet, if a
    simple standard germicide in the water does not work:

    1) Get a goldfish from Walmart, or such other inexpenisive outlet for the
    more common, less desirable, and inbred types of water fauna and bring it
    home in one of those little clear plastic bags, tied at the top, you know?
    Set it down, bag and all, on a hard surface clearly visable in front of your
    pet which is enduring the infirmity, and slap the top of the bag as hard as
    you can with the bottom of a frying pan, or such, spattering the water and
    the worthless goldfish sacrifice abundantly in a horizontal pattern. Then
    look your pet in the eye and say, "see what's going to happen to you if you
    don't get your shite together?" That has been known to make them straighten
    out and eat bugs...; or,

    2) You must quickly completely drain your swimming pool or jacuzzi, and fill
    it with fresh water and of course treat the water to stabilize it and clear
    it of chemicals to sustain fresh water fauna life forms. Then, take your
    dear ailing pet, and carefully place it in the newly prepared healing
    environment. Then you get in with it. Then go underwater, and repeated
    exhale up your pet's butthole, forcing the carbon dioxide into it's fishy
    guts. Eventually, it should either fart, poop, or squirt some sperm on your
    face, in which case it will be healed and you will be happy.

    If it dies - poor, poor, pet - at least you can take comfort in the fact that
    you did everything that could be done.

    Our deepest sympathies, and best wishes for a speedy recovery for all!

    --

    http://www.misternicehands.com/

    (Click on either hand...)

    If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    makes a lot of sense...

    then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    Bucky Breeder, Jul 2, 2007
    #7
  8. Dr. Bill

    Dan C Guest

    On Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:52:43 +0200, Dr. Bill wrote:

    > My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm a
    > doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the poor
    > fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease, huge
    > farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!


    Put it between two slices of bread, with mustard, and have lunch, you
    ignorant fucking retard.



    --
    "Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
     
    Dan C, Jul 2, 2007
    #8
  9. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Guest

    "Dan C" <> schreef in bericht
    news:p...
    > On Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:52:43 +0200, Dr. Bill wrote:
    >
    >> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm a
    >> doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the poor
    >> fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    >> huge
    >> farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

    >
    > Put it between two slices of bread, with mustard, and have lunch, you
    > ignorant fucking retard.
    >

    "Dan C" stated he would eat a fartquart goldfish if handed to him with two
    slices of bread, with mustard!, youmustbejoking! Are you on drugs or
    something?
    LMFAO
     
    Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007
    #9
  10. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Guest

    "Bucky Breeder" <> schreef in
    bericht news:Xns99616E2F6D23BDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.21...
    >>> "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    >>> news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>>>
    >>>> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down for two days now. I'm
    >>>> a doctor, but not a fucking vet! What can I do, besides flushing the
    >>>> poor fucker down the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal
    >>>> disease, huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

    >
    >
    >> "Bucky Breeder" pro bono-ed his best inquiry verification procedure
    >> in news:Xns9961618AC5EBDDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
    >>>
    >>> Oh yeah, sure, I'd bet, yaaeeehhhh uhhh huhhh, what kind of "doctor"
    >>> cannot pick up the telephone and professional courtesy over to a vet
    >>> with somebackground in fish or connections thereto?
    >>>
    >>> Additionally, what kind of "doctor" would observe his pet swimming
    >>> upside down, or any other unusual and/or atypical behaviour, for *2*
    >>> hours, much less 2 days, without initiating some kind of inquiries... a
    >>> web forum specializing in such interests, for example.
    >>>
    >>> Doctor "Bored on the 4th of July" ? (ssshhh, it's a pun, but I don't
    >>> want to get Tom Cruise all a-stirred and whoop out some kind of
    >>> Scientology Voo Doo curse on me...)
    >>>
    >>> Please... Personally, I'm leaning toward ornithological neurology over
    >>> [what's that Latin term for "blowing smoke up everyone's arses"?].

    >
    >
    > Whoops... there it is ~>
    > "Dr. Bill" <> bemoaned his grief
    > in news:468916e5$0$6741$4all.nl:
    >>
    >> You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet
    >> to treat my goldfish,now wouldn't we!?
    >>
    >> http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg

    >
    >
    > Oh me, oh my... How insensitive I must have been perceived by the family?
    >
    > It is truely sad when a beloved pet has lived out its life expectancy and
    > is
    > about to go on to pet heaven after having brought much joy to both family
    > and
    > friends for many years. Yes, it has brought glory to God's will with its
    > life travels.
    >
    > I just hung up from an international conference call, and there are two
    > (2)
    > scientifically viable methods for possible revival of your beloved pet, if
    > a
    > simple standard germicide in the water does not work:
    >
    > 1) Get a goldfish from Walmart, or such other inexpenisive outlet for the
    > more common, less desirable, and inbred types of water fauna and bring it
    > home in one of those little clear plastic bags, tied at the top, you know?
    > Set it down, bag and all, on a hard surface clearly visable in front of
    > your
    > pet which is enduring the infirmity, and slap the top of the bag as hard
    > as
    > you can with the bottom of a frying pan, or such, spattering the water and
    > the worthless goldfish sacrifice abundantly in a horizontal pattern. Then
    > look your pet in the eye and say, "see what's going to happen to you if
    > you
    > don't get your shite together?" That has been known to make them
    > straighten
    > out and eat bugs...; or,
    >
    > 2) You must quickly completely drain your swimming pool or jacuzzi, and
    > fill
    > it with fresh water and of course treat the water to stabilize it and
    > clear
    > it of chemicals to sustain fresh water fauna life forms. Then, take your
    > dear ailing pet, and carefully place it in the newly prepared healing
    > environment. Then you get in with it. Then go underwater, and repeated
    > exhale up your pet's butthole, forcing the carbon dioxide into it's fishy
    > guts. Eventually, it should either fart, poop, or squirt some sperm on
    > your
    > face, in which case it will be healed and you will be happy.
    >
    > If it dies - poor, poor, pet - at least you can take comfort in the fact
    > that
    > you did everything that could be done.
    >
    > Our deepest sympathies, and best wishes for a speedy recovery for all!


    Thank you, Bucky, for these kind words. Sorry I called you a stupid ****,
    you ****!
    >
    > --
    >
    > http://www.misternicehands.com/
    >
    > (Click on either hand...)
    >
    > If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    > but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    > makes a lot of sense...
    >
    > then, you *might* be a Republican!
    >
     
    Dr. Bill, Jul 2, 2007
    #10
  11. Dr. Bill

    Evan Platt Guest

    On Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:17:00 +0200, "Dr. Bill"
    <> wrote:

    >You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet to treat my goldfish, now
    >wouldn't we!?
    >http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg


    This fool has the solution to the whole Top / Bottom posting argument.

    The solution: MIDDLE POST.
    --
    To reply via e-mail, remove The Obvious from my e-mail address.
     
    Evan Platt, Jul 2, 2007
    #11
  12. Dr. Bill

    John Holmes Guest

    Evan Platt "contributed" in 24hoursupport.helpdesk:

    > On Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:17:00 +0200, "Dr. Bill"
    > <> wrote:
    >
    >>You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet to treat my
    >>goldfish, now wouldn't we!?
    >>http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg

    >
    > This fool has the solution to the whole Top / Bottom posting argument.
    >
    > The solution: MIDDLE POST.


    Also known as quoting, you roguish, gnarling farthead.

    --
    Your mother was a bloodthirsty dope who came to terms with her sexuality
    on a farm.
     
    John Holmes, Jul 2, 2007
    #12
  13. "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >
    > My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
    > for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a fucking vet!
    > What can I do, besides flushing the poor fucker down
    > the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    > huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!



    Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
    it makes me want to puke up overboard.

    I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
    dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
    fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
    "to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
    suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
    parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
    protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.

    I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
    to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
    that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
    too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
    make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
    He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
    while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
    I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
    in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.

    If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
    to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
    boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
    and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
    the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.

    I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
    God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
    fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.

    Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
    work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
    a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
    kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
    been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
    that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
    our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
    when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!

    I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
    measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
    "Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!

    --

    http://www.misternicehands.com/

    (Click on either hand...)

    If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    makes a lot of sense...

    then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    Call Me The Goldfish Tamer, Jul 2, 2007
    #13
  14. Dr. Bill

    sammy Guest

    relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will come
    over and examine the fish for you.


    "Call Me The Goldfish Tamer" <glug-glug@nd_now_jump.see> wrote in message
    news:Xns9961917BF874BDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
    > "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    > news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>
    >> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
    >> for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a fucking vet!
    >> What can I do, besides flushing the poor fucker down
    >> the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    >> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

    >
    >
    > Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
    > it makes me want to puke up overboard.
    >
    > I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
    > dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
    > fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
    > "to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
    > suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
    > parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
    > protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.
    >
    > I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
    > to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
    > that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
    > too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
    > make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
    > He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
    > while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
    > I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
    > in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.
    >
    > If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
    > to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
    > boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
    > and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
    > the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.
    >
    > I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
    > God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
    > fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.
    >
    > Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
    > work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
    > a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
    > kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
    > been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
    > that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
    > our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
    > when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!
    >
    > I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
    > measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
    > "Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!
    >
    > --
    >
    > http://www.misternicehands.com/
    >
    > (Click on either hand...)
    >
    > If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    > but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    > makes a lot of sense...
    >
    > then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    sammy, Jul 2, 2007
    #14
  15. Dr. Bill

    olfart Guest

    "sammy" <sammy@toast> wrote in message
    news:46895ba6$0$20560$...
    > relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will
    > come over and examine the fish for you.
    >
    >

    I'll send my Dog too.
    Free LAB test and a CAT Scan
     
    olfart, Jul 2, 2007
    #15
  16. Dr. Bill

    Clogwog Guest

    "sammy" <sammy@toast> schreef in bericht
    news:46895ba6$0$20560$...
    > relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will
    > come over and examine the fish for you.


    Curiosity might kill the cat! You toppoasting moron!
    http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/cat_fish.jpg

    >
    > "Call Me The Goldfish Tamer" <glug-glug@nd_now_jump.see> wrote in message
    > news:Xns9961917BF874BDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
    >> "Dr. Bill" <> wrote in
    >> news:4689031d$0$1873$4all.nl:
    >>>
    >>> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
    >>> for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a fucking vet!
    >>> What can I do, besides flushing the poor fucker down
    >>> the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
    >>> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

    >>
    >>
    >> Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
    >> it makes me want to puke up overboard.
    >>
    >> I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
    >> dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
    >> fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
    >> "to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
    >> suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
    >> parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
    >> protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.
    >>
    >> I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
    >> to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
    >> that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
    >> too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
    >> make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
    >> He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
    >> while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
    >> I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
    >> in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.
    >>
    >> If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
    >> to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
    >> boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
    >> and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
    >> the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.
    >>
    >> I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
    >> God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
    >> fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.
    >>
    >> Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
    >> work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
    >> a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
    >> kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
    >> been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
    >> that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
    >> our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
    >> when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!
    >>
    >> I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
    >> measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
    >> "Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!
    >>
    >> --
    >>
    >> http://www.misternicehands.com/
    >>
    >> (Click on either hand...)
    >>
    >> If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    >> but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    >> makes a lot of sense...
    >>
    >> then, you *might* be a Republican!

    >
    >
    >
     
    Clogwog, Jul 2, 2007
    #16
  17. > "sammy" <sammy@toast> wrote in message
    > news:46895ba6$0$20560$...
    >
    >> relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy
    >> to you, doc) will come over and examine the fish for you.



    "olfart" <> wrote in
    news::
    >>

    > I'll send my Dog too.
    > Free LAB test and a CAT Scan



    OK, so this real sensitive lady has this pet fish for years and years, and
    like most people who have pet fish, she is very attached to the creature -
    like a member of the family, and no less...

    One day she comes home from work a little later than her husband, and her
    husband being *well* aware of 2 main things in his life, 1) that when his
    wife is happy, he's happy; and when she'd not, neither is he, and 2) his
    wife is *very* attached to that fish... But alas, it appears to the
    husband that the fish has died in its water.

    Enter the wife: "Honey, I'm home!" He greets his wife at the front door,
    and not wishing to incur the wrath and grief of his wife, he says "Baby, I
    have some bad news. I think your fish is in hibernation, and you should
    take it to the vet for a checkup."

    Well... that nearly sends her through the ceiling... hysteria and drama and
    Jerry Springer screaming... The husband keeps saying in a soothing tone,
    "Relax baby, and take it to the vet. They are professionals, and they will
    sort it all out."

    Feeling coerced, but having no other available option, the wife places the
    fish in a jar and wraps up the jar in a towel and rushes off the the Animal
    Hospital's Emergency Department.

    When she runs in the doors, the receptionist nurse asks what is wrong.

    The wife says, "My fish has gone into hibernation. It's never done that
    before... and I really need a doctor to have a look."

    The nurse peeps in the towel and says "Lady, your fish is *dead*!"

    The wife goes into a hysterical shallow breathing palpatating turning pale
    sort of shock, and screams "Oh no! Oh no! My fish is only hibernating...
    It just *can't* be dead" over and over and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

    The nurse senses the wife's extreme distress, and tells her to try to
    relax, have a seat, and she will have an Emergency Room Vet have a look as
    quickly as possible.

    The doctor hearing of the trauma, comes bursting through his shiney
    stainless steel doors, and tells the wife "Please, bring the patient back
    here, and we'll have a look."

    The wife is lead by the doctor into an examination room, where the doctor
    instructs the wife to remove the fish from the jar container and lay in
    down on the examination table - which she promptly does.

    The doctor walks all around, having a close look, and uses that round eye
    thangy to look closely and that necklace thangy to listen to its heart,
    etc.

    He says "Hmmm..." and walks over to one of the cages in the examination
    room and opens the door. An orange striped tabby cat jumps from the cage
    to the floor, and sequentially up on the examination table. He sits down
    and then sort of summarily paws at the fish a couple of times, but shows no
    apparent further interest. The doctor finally says "OK, Tiger, back to
    your bed." The cat jumps back into the cage, and the doctor secures the
    door.

    He turns to the wife and says "Have a seat, Ma'am. What I am going to tell
    you may be hard to take at first, but you must realize that death is very
    much a part of life, and I'm afraid your fish has died. Hopefully he led a
    good life with lots of love from a nice family. That is all any of us can
    expect."

    The lady is sobbing now, but a controlled sobbing of acceptance of her
    loss.

    The doctor says "I know it's tough, so take your time, and when you leave
    check out with the front desk. We'll take care of the disposal of your pet
    if you like."

    The wife indicates approval.

    After a few moments she proceeds to the desk. The nurse says "That'll be
    $500 please."

    The wife exclaims "$500!!! Damn, it's gotten quite expensive to visit a
    pet doctor anymore!!!"

    The nurse says "Oh, it's only $50 for the visit, but it's $450 for the CAT
    scan."

    --

    http://www.misternicehands.com/

    (Click on either hand...)

    If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
    but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
    makes a lot of sense...

    then, you *might* be a Republican!
     
    Bucky Breeder, Jul 2, 2007
    #17
    1. Advertising

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