linux commands and what they *actually* do

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by eastwick, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. eastwick

    eastwick Guest

    ok so...

    *anyone* can read a linux manpage right? that's nice. what most don't
    realize is that the manpages are a *lie*. !LIES!, i tell you. not only
    are they lies, but they hide the true evil nature of commands.

    need proof? 'kay.

    dd - data DESTOYER. this little command should be called df (disk
    fucker) since that's the most awesomely destructive thing you can do
    with it. compared with rm (never mind the lowly Windows 'del'), this
    is the rocket launcher of commands. what makes this command even
    better than a rocket launcher is that it can also be used for
    filesystem brain surgery. much like using an RPG-7 to resolder a
    transistor on a fucking 45nm processor.

    fdisk - ah, here is is. fuckdisk. yes, while you can certainly **** a
    disk quite nicely with this command, it's equally as useful for
    unfucking a disk. it's nice when such powers of destruction can be
    used for good.

    sudo - "bitch, get me a sandwich" pretty much sums this one up. as
    long as you have the password.

    man - this is the command that turns absolutely anything you enter
    into the command line completely ghey. or, if you're a female, adds
    instant hunkification. example: man touch, man mount, man fsck. which
    brings me to my next command...

    fsck - this one is (almost) completely harmless. a shining example of
    how misleading linux commands can be. surely, one does not wish to
    *FSCK* their hard drive, right?! however, if you *do* like fixing
    things that are horribly, horribly broken and have some time on your
    hands, why not arbitrarily force fsck something that you've mounted
    while writing and reading large amounts of absolutely critical,
    un-backed-up data?

    cat - cats are really good at sitting and looking harmless. until you
    come up to one with a bucket of water or a great dane under your arm.
    the linux cat can wreak equal amounts of havoc, dumping and spilling
    out anything you put in its way right into your face, or all over
    other vital files if you so choose... just like your clumsy house
    feline *aren't they supposed to be *graceful*? there's no "are you
    sure you want to **** UP ALL YOUR SHIT y/n" prompt to be seen here.
    for laughs, just try catting your /dev/audio to fucking /dev/sda. you
    can *SING* your hard drive to death.

    bzip2 - this functional command is a perfectly adequate *space
    heater*, that has the added benefit of making files you stuff into it
    much, much smaller after approximately fifty-billion years of
    processing. it also results in a happy, warm cat sitting by your
    exhaust fan.

    rm - the grandaddy of destruction, weaker and more feeble than the
    newest but still holds its own as a source of "oh ****"'s around the
    world. didn't read the manual thoroughly enough? mistyped an asterisk,
    or perhaps a slash? what if you forgot to alias the raw, bad-ass rm to
    the friendlier, prompt-before-removing flavor of rm? TOO FUCKING BAD.
    your shit's gone. and since you're running ext3 or ext4 with access
    time and metadata journaling enabled, about a METRIC ****-TON of data
    was splattered all over the disk the very microsecond the GNU kernel
    was able to shit out the I/O calls that resulted from your command
    entry. which means you're REALLY out of luck if you want to get that
    homemade porno of the cleaning lady back.

    if you're really hell-bent on destroying your linux installation, you
    can always resort to thermite or a really big fucking magnet. or just
    install windows.

    did you know windows will take the liberty to ASS-**** any drive it
    deems "uninitialized" once you put an install CD in? oh, i'm sorry.
    did those drives have an partition table on it that i didn't
    recognize? it just looked like DOG SHIT to me, so i figured i would
    just **ERASE IT**. without so much as a NOTIFICATION, let alone a
    confirmation.

    ciao!
     
    eastwick, Mar 22, 2010
    #1
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  2. eastwick

    VanguardLH Guest

    eastwick wrote:

    NOTE: comp.os.linux.advocacy was omitted in my reply as a newborn could
    recognize this OP's rant as a flame regarding his poor choice for an OS and
    inability or lack of initiative to learn.

    > ok so...
    >
    > *anyone* can read a linux manpage right? that's nice. what most don't
    > realize is that the manpages are a *lie*. !LIES!, i tell you. not only
    > are they lies, but they hide the true evil nature of commands.
    >
    > need proof? 'kay.
    >
    > dd - data DESTOYER. this little command should be called df (disk
    > fucker) since that's the most awesomely destructive thing you can do
    > with it. compared with rm (never mind the lowly Windows 'del'), this
    > is the rocket launcher of commands. what makes this command even
    > better than a rocket launcher is that it can also be used for
    > filesystem brain surgery. much like using an RPG-7 to resolder a
    > transistor on a fucking 45nm processor.
    >
    > fdisk - ah, here is is. fuckdisk. yes, while you can certainly **** a
    > disk quite nicely with this command, it's equally as useful for
    > unfucking a disk. it's nice when such powers of destruction can be
    > used for good.
    >
    > sudo - "bitch, get me a sandwich" pretty much sums this one up. as
    > long as you have the password.
    >
    > man - this is the command that turns absolutely anything you enter
    > into the command line completely ghey. or, if you're a female, adds
    > instant hunkification. example: man touch, man mount, man fsck. which
    > brings me to my next command...
    >
    > fsck - this one is (almost) completely harmless. a shining example of
    > how misleading linux commands can be. surely, one does not wish to
    > *FSCK* their hard drive, right?! however, if you *do* like fixing
    > things that are horribly, horribly broken and have some time on your
    > hands, why not arbitrarily force fsck something that you've mounted
    > while writing and reading large amounts of absolutely critical,
    > un-backed-up data?
    >
    > cat - cats are really good at sitting and looking harmless. until you
    > come up to one with a bucket of water or a great dane under your arm.
    > the linux cat can wreak equal amounts of havoc, dumping and spilling
    > out anything you put in its way right into your face, or all over
    > other vital files if you so choose... just like your clumsy house
    > feline *aren't they supposed to be *graceful*? there's no "are you
    > sure you want to **** UP ALL YOUR SHIT y/n" prompt to be seen here.
    > for laughs, just try catting your /dev/audio to fucking /dev/sda. you
    > can *SING* your hard drive to death.
    >
    > bzip2 - this functional command is a perfectly adequate *space
    > heater*, that has the added benefit of making files you stuff into it
    > much, much smaller after approximately fifty-billion years of
    > processing. it also results in a happy, warm cat sitting by your
    > exhaust fan.
    >
    > rm - the grandaddy of destruction, weaker and more feeble than the
    > newest but still holds its own as a source of "oh ****"'s around the
    > world. didn't read the manual thoroughly enough? mistyped an asterisk,
    > or perhaps a slash? what if you forgot to alias the raw, bad-ass rm to
    > the friendlier, prompt-before-removing flavor of rm? TOO FUCKING BAD.
    > your shit's gone. and since you're running ext3 or ext4 with access
    > time and metadata journaling enabled, about a METRIC ****-TON of data
    > was splattered all over the disk the very microsecond the GNU kernel
    > was able to shit out the I/O calls that resulted from your command
    > entry. which means you're REALLY out of luck if you want to get that
    > homemade porno of the cleaning lady back.
    >
    > if you're really hell-bent on destroying your linux installation, you
    > can always resort to thermite or a really big fucking magnet. or just
    > install windows.
    >
    > did you know windows will take the liberty to ASS-**** any drive it
    > deems "uninitialized" once you put an install CD in? oh, i'm sorry.
    > did those drives have an partition table on it that i didn't
    > recognize? it just looked like DOG SHIT to me, so i figured i would
    > just **ERASE IT**. without so much as a NOTIFICATION, let alone a
    > confirmation.
    >
    > ciao!


    Sounds like a Windows basher that decided he couldn't take Windows anymore
    so he moved to so flavor of Linux thinking that even more stupid boobs would
    be able to understand it out of the box. Still hasn't learned to read a
    Dummies book for any OS he uses.
     
    VanguardLH, Mar 22, 2010
    #2
    1. Advertising

  3. eastwick

    TomB Guest

    ["Followup-To:" header set to comp.os.linux.advocacy.]
    On 2010-03-22, the following emerged from the brain of eastwick:
    > ok so...
    >
    > *anyone* can read a linux manpage right? that's nice. what most don't
    > realize is that the manpages are a *lie*. !LIES!, i tell you. not only
    > are they lies, but they hide the true evil nature of commands.
    >
    > need proof? 'kay.
    >
    > dd - data DESTOYER. this little command should be called df (disk
    > fucker) since that's the most awesomely destructive thing you can do
    > with it. compared with rm (never mind the lowly Windows 'del'), this
    > is the rocket launcher of commands. what makes this command even
    > better than a rocket launcher is that it can also be used for
    > filesystem brain surgery. much like using an RPG-7 to resolder a
    > transistor on a fucking 45nm processor.
    >
    > fdisk - ah, here is is. fuckdisk. yes, while you can certainly **** a
    > disk quite nicely with this command, it's equally as useful for
    > unfucking a disk. it's nice when such powers of destruction can be
    > used for good.
    >
    > sudo - "bitch, get me a sandwich" pretty much sums this one up. as
    > long as you have the password.
    >
    > man - this is the command that turns absolutely anything you enter
    > into the command line completely ghey. or, if you're a female, adds
    > instant hunkification. example: man touch, man mount, man fsck. which
    > brings me to my next command...
    >
    > fsck - this one is (almost) completely harmless. a shining example of
    > how misleading linux commands can be. surely, one does not wish to
    > *FSCK* their hard drive, right?! however, if you *do* like fixing
    > things that are horribly, horribly broken and have some time on your
    > hands, why not arbitrarily force fsck something that you've mounted
    > while writing and reading large amounts of absolutely critical,
    > un-backed-up data?
    >
    > cat - cats are really good at sitting and looking harmless. until you
    > come up to one with a bucket of water or a great dane under your arm.
    > the linux cat can wreak equal amounts of havoc, dumping and spilling
    > out anything you put in its way right into your face, or all over
    > other vital files if you so choose... just like your clumsy house
    > feline *aren't they supposed to be *graceful*? there's no "are you
    > sure you want to **** UP ALL YOUR SHIT y/n" prompt to be seen here.
    > for laughs, just try catting your /dev/audio to fucking /dev/sda. you
    > can *SING* your hard drive to death.
    >
    > bzip2 - this functional command is a perfectly adequate *space
    > heater*, that has the added benefit of making files you stuff into it
    > much, much smaller after approximately fifty-billion years of
    > processing. it also results in a happy, warm cat sitting by your
    > exhaust fan.
    >
    > rm - the grandaddy of destruction, weaker and more feeble than the
    > newest but still holds its own as a source of "oh ****"'s around the
    > world. didn't read the manual thoroughly enough? mistyped an asterisk,
    > or perhaps a slash? what if you forgot to alias the raw, bad-ass rm to
    > the friendlier, prompt-before-removing flavor of rm? TOO FUCKING BAD.
    > your shit's gone. and since you're running ext3 or ext4 with access
    > time and metadata journaling enabled, about a METRIC ****-TON of data
    > was splattered all over the disk the very microsecond the GNU kernel
    > was able to shit out the I/O calls that resulted from your command
    > entry. which means you're REALLY out of luck if you want to get that
    > homemade porno of the cleaning lady back.
    >
    > if you're really hell-bent on destroying your linux installation, you
    > can always resort to thermite or a really big fucking magnet. or just
    > install windows.
    >
    > did you know windows will take the liberty to ASS-**** any drive it
    > deems "uninitialized" once you put an install CD in? oh, i'm sorry.
    > did those drives have an partition table on it that i didn't
    > recognize? it just looked like DOG SHIT to me, so i figured i would
    > just **ERASE IT**. without so much as a NOTIFICATION, let alone a
    > confirmation.
    >
    > ciao!


    It's funny cause it's true :)

    --
    Respect the cock... and tame the ****! Tame it!
    ~ Frank T.J. Mackie
     
    TomB, Mar 22, 2010
    #3
  4. eastwick

    eastwick Guest

    On 22 Mar 2010 07:43:21 GMT, TomB <> wrote:

    >> ciao!

    >
    >It's funny cause it's true :)


    good to see *someone* here has recognized that post for what it is!

    for the record, i use *both* Windows and Linux. and enjoy both
    immensely, for different things.
     
    eastwick, Mar 22, 2010
    #4
  5. eastwick

    chuckcar Guest

    TomB <> wrote in
    news::

    > ["Followup-To:" header set to comp.os.linux.advocacy.]
    > On 2010-03-22, the following emerged from the brain of eastwick:
    >> ok so...
    >>


    > It's funny cause it's true :)
    >

    Only if you don't know what the mentioned commands *actually* do.


    --
    (setq (chuck nil) car(chuck) )
     
    chuckcar, Mar 23, 2010
    #5
  6. eastwick

    chuckcar Guest

    "§nühw¤£f" <> wrote in
    news:Xns9D435F57A467snuhwolfyahoocom@216.196.97.142:

    > VanguardLH <> clouded the waters of pure thought with
    > news:ho74fk$cne$:
    >
    >> eastwick wrote:
    >> Sounds like a Windows basher that decided he couldn't take Windows
    >> anymore so he moved to so flavor of Linux thinking that even more
    >> stupid boobs would be able to understand it out of the box. Still
    >> hasn't learned to read a Dummies book for any OS he uses.
    >>

    >
    > Couple a things yo...its better to rant on usenet than to kick babies
    > or dogs or wave your penis in the park across from the school...
    >

    What makes you think that they're two different types of people?


    --
    (setq (chuck nil) car(chuck) )
     
    chuckcar, Mar 23, 2010
    #6
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