I've developed the ultimate security system!!!

Discussion in 'Computer Security' started by Ed Zagmoon, Nov 21, 2006.

  1. Ed Zagmoon

    Ed Zagmoon Guest

    It's a hardware device called "Dicklock".

    Once in installed in your computer, you have to shove
    in your dick into this pussy-like device. The device
    will scan your dick and if you're the correct user,
    you can start up your PC.

    However, if you are the wrong user, the system will
    chop off your dick!

    This system is 100% secure, anyone trying to access
    the system with the wrong dick will lose this dick and
    the cops can easily spot the now dickless man.

    What do you think?
    Ed Zagmoon, Nov 21, 2006
    #1
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  2. Ed Zagmoon

    erewhon Guest

    > What do you think?

    That school is out again?
    erewhon, Nov 21, 2006
    #2
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  3. Ed Zagmoon

    Bogwitch Guest

    "Ed Zagmoon" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > It's a hardware device called "Dicklock".
    >
    > Once in installed in your computer, you have to shove
    > in your dick into this pussy-like device. The device
    > will scan your dick and if you're the correct user,
    > you can start up your PC.
    >
    > However, if you are the wrong user, the system will
    > chop off your dick!
    >
    > This system is 100% secure, anyone trying to access
    > the system with the wrong dick will lose this dick and
    > the cops can easily spot the now dickless man.
    >
    > What do you think?


    Hi Ed,

    An interesting idea. However, if I were to ever use such a system (I
    wouldn't) I would not be happy to accept a CER, I would want a _zero_ FRR
    (actually, I would want below zero, just to be sure) which, as usual with
    biometric devices, would produce an unacceptably high FAR.

    There is an additional problem. I would want the 'key reader' to be well
    lubricated and the additional moisture would present a much higher risk to
    availablity of the system (not that you'd care much)

    HTH,

    Bogwitch
    Bogwitch, Nov 21, 2006
    #3
  4. Ed Zagmoon

    Vanguard Guest

    "Ed Zagmoon" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > It's a hardware device called "Dicklock".
    >
    > Once in installed in your computer, you have to shove
    > in your dick into this pussy-like device. The device
    > will scan your dick and if you're the correct user,
    > you can start up your PC.
    >
    > However, if you are the wrong user, the system will
    > chop off your dick!
    >
    > This system is 100% secure, anyone trying to access
    > the system with the wrong dick will lose this dick and
    > the cops can easily spot the now dickless man.
    >
    > What do you think?
    >



    Original newsgroups:
    alt.computer.security,alt.recipes.babies
    Removed: alt.recipes.babies (unrelated group to cross-posted message)

    Another child speaketh. Too bad the same can't be done with Usenet
    access to keep dickless morons out. You can't even figure out how to
    cross-post. You're also too young to have even had sex or know about
    it because you neglected how the other half of the population will use
    your security device.
    Vanguard, Nov 22, 2006
    #4
  5. Ed Zagmoon

    tanstafl Guest

    On Tue, 21 Nov 2006 18:15:35 -0600, "Vanguard"
    <> wrote:

    >"Ed Zagmoon" <> wrote in message
    >news:...
    >> It's a hardware device called "Dicklock".
    >>
    >> Once in installed in your computer, you have to shove
    >> in your dick into this pussy-like device. The device
    >> will scan your dick and if you're the correct user,
    >> you can start up your PC.
    >>
    >> However, if you are the wrong user, the system will
    >> chop off your dick!
    >>
    >> This system is 100% secure, anyone trying to access
    >> the system with the wrong dick will lose this dick and
    >> the cops can easily spot the now dickless man.
    >>
    >> What do you think?
    >>

    >
    >
    >Original newsgroups:
    >alt.computer.security,alt.recipes.babies
    >Removed: alt.recipes.babies (unrelated group to cross-posted message)
    >
    >Another child speaketh. Too bad the same can't be done with Usenet
    >access to keep dickless morons out. You can't even figure out how to
    >cross-post. You're also too young to have even had sex or know about
    >it because you neglected how the other half of the population will use
    >your security device.


    hmmm.. Seems Mrs Bobbitch was a visionary - she just didn't think it
    all the way through.
    --
    Pete Gebel pfgebel(deletethis)@crisperiodcom
    Have the best day possible - all things considered
    tanstafl, Dec 2, 2006
    #5
  6. Ed Zagmoon

    MC Guest

    Vanguard wrote:
    >
    > Another child speaketh. Too bad the same can't be done with Usenet
    > access to keep dickless morons out. You can't even figure out how to
    > cross-post. You're also too young to have even had sex or know about it
    > because you neglected how the other half of the population will use your
    > security device.


    What about the part of the population that is male but doesn't ever want
    to shove it into a pussy? :) Sort of cuts down the usability even more
    *smirks*
    MC, Dec 2, 2006
    #6
  7. Ed Zagmoon

    Guest

    Ed Zagmoon wrote:
    > It's a hardware device called "Dicklock".
    >
    > Once in installed in your computer, you have to shove
    > in your dick into this pussy-like device. The device
    > will scan your dick and if you're the correct user,
    > you can start up your PC.
    >
    > However, if you are the wrong user, the system will
    > chop off your dick!
    >
    > This system is 100% secure, anyone trying to access
    > the system with the wrong dick will lose this dick and
    > the cops can easily spot the now dickless man.
    >
    > What do you think?

    ------------

    Now what happens if the device malfunctions? The owner will lose his
    dick, right?
    Why not just use a Fingerprint Scanner? It would be more logical than
    a 'dick scanner.'

    If the user is in a hurry to use his computer, all he has to do is scan
    his finger and he'll be on his way to work...with your 'device' the
    user has to unzip his pants and that takes some time...he may also be
    tempted to cum off by the time the computer starts up being in that
    'pussy' and all.

    Why can't you think more intelligently?
    , Dec 4, 2006
    #7
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