If people bought cars like they bought computers

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Jordon, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. Jordon

    Jordon Guest

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
    to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but
    imagine if they did . . .

    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!
    "HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
    CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
    HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
    and turns over the engine."
    CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
    all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
    HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
    CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
    HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,
    and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
    CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
    HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
    purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the
    vendor to install it for you."
    CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $22,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
    have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
    everything built in!"

    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
    HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
    CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
    HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
    CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
    all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed
    and now it won't start!"
    HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
    you expect us to do about it?"
    CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me a free upgrade so it doesn't crash

    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
    it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
    brakes, and power door locks."
    HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
    HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
    CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
    HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
    CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my
    Jordon, Dec 23, 2009
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