How to kill a chicken?

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by sparkle, May 16, 2005.

  1. sparkle

    sparkle Guest

    My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I guess
    it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?

    I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."

    I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in three
    full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    make it pop right off.

    Anyone got any suggestions?

    :) xxx
    sparkle, May 16, 2005
    #1
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  2. sparkle

    joevan Guest

    On Mon, 16 May 2005 13:41:09 +0200, sparkle <>
    wrote:

    >My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I guess
    >it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >
    >I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    >with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >
    >I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in three
    >full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    >make it pop right off.
    >
    >Anyone got any suggestions?
    >
    >:) xxx

    My grandmother used to hold the chicken by the legs with its head on a
    stump. Then a quick wack with a sharp hatchet. I was 5-7 years old
    then and it was quite a scene watching that headless bird flop around
    the area for what seemed like 2 or three minutes. I used to help her
    pluck the feathers after it had stopped flopping.

    --

    "Politicians are like diapers. They should both be changed frequently
    and for the same reason."
    joevan, May 16, 2005
    #2
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  3. sparkle

    Not Me Guest

    might try posting to misc.rural news group

    "sparkle" <> wrote in message
    news:d6a0so$g0r$...
    | My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    guess
    | it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    |
    | I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    | with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    |
    | I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    three
    | full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    | make it pop right off.
    |
    | Anyone got any suggestions?
    |
    | :) xxx
    Not Me, May 16, 2005
    #3
  4. sparkle

    dadiOH Guest

    sparkle wrote:
    > My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so
    > I guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a
    > chicken?


    You don't. They have been nice to you for three years, now it is your
    turn to be nice to them...let them live out their lives in peace. If
    you don't want them around find someone that does.

    --
    dadiOH
    ____________________________

    dadiOH's dandies v3.06...
    ....a help file of info about MP3s, recording from
    LP/cassette and tips & tricks on this and that.
    Get it at http://mysite.verizon.net/xico
    dadiOH, May 16, 2005
    #4
  5. sparkle

    Oldus Fartus Guest

    joevan wrote:
    > On Mon, 16 May 2005 13:41:09 +0200, sparkle <>
    > wrote:
    >
    >
    >>My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I guess
    >>it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >>
    >>I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    >>with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >>
    >>I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in three
    >>full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    >>make it pop right off.
    >>
    >>Anyone got any suggestions?
    >>
    >>:) xxx

    >
    > My grandmother used to hold the chicken by the legs with its head on a
    > stump. Then a quick wack with a sharp hatchet. I was 5-7 years old
    > then and it was quite a scene watching that headless bird flop around
    > the area for what seemed like 2 or three minutes. I used to help her
    > pluck the feathers after it had stopped flopping.
    >


    That brings back memories of being scared shitless after being chased by
    a headless chook.


    --
    Cheers
    Oldus Fartus
    Oldus Fartus, May 16, 2005
    #5
  6. sparkle

    sparkle Guest

    dadiOH , wrote in message
    41ie.4282$5m1.3485@trnddc06:
    > sparkle wrote:
    >> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so
    >> I guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a
    >> chicken?

    >
    > You don't. They have been nice to you for three years, now it is your
    > turn to be nice to them...let them live out their lives in peace. If
    > you don't want them around find someone that does.


    I did not buy the chickens just to feed them when they stopped producing.
    It's called economics. If you want me "to be nice to them...let them live
    out their lives in peace", send me the money for 1kg of feed for each of the
    six chickens per week plus $US10.00 (toto) per week maintenance costs. In
    return I'll send you their pictures and two large bags of shit every month.
    sparkle, May 16, 2005
    #6
  7. sparkle

    Scrote Guest

    sparkle wrote:
    >> dadiOH , wrote in message
    >> 41ie.4282$5m1.3485@trnddc06:
    >>> sparkle wrote:
    >>>> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years
    >>>> so I guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to
    >>>> kill a chicken?
    >>>
    >>> You don't. They have been nice to you for three years, now it is
    >>> your turn to be nice to them...let them live out their lives in
    >>> peace. If you don't want them around find someone that does.

    >>
    >> I did not buy the chickens just to feed them when they stopped
    >> producing. It's called economics. If you want me "to be nice to
    >> them...let them live out their lives in peace", send me the money
    >> for 1kg of feed for each of the six chickens per week plus $US10.00
    >> (toto) per week maintenance costs. In return I'll send you their
    >> pictures and two large bags of shit every month.


    This is the very sort of chicken designed to be used in that old
    seventies standby, Coq au vin. yum
    --
    He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.
    -- T. S. Eliot (on Henry James)
    Scrote, May 16, 2005
    #7
  8. sparkle

    joevan Guest

    On Mon, 16 May 2005 16:14:22 +0200, sparkle <>
    wrote:

    >dadiOH , wrote in message
    >41ie.4282$5m1.3485@trnddc06:
    >> sparkle wrote:
    >>> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so
    >>> I guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a
    >>> chicken?

    >>
    >> You don't. They have been nice to you for three years, now it is your
    >> turn to be nice to them...let them live out their lives in peace. If
    >> you don't want them around find someone that does.

    >
    >I did not buy the chickens just to feed them when they stopped producing.
    >It's called economics. If you want me "to be nice to them...let them live
    >out their lives in peace", send me the money for 1kg of feed for each of the
    >six chickens per week plus $US10.00 (toto) per week maintenance costs. In
    >return I'll send you their pictures and two large bags of shit every month.

    With a name like sparkle yew shore dew have a way with that polytichen
    stuff.
    --

    "Politicians are like diapers. They should both be changed frequently
    and for the same reason."
    joevan, May 16, 2005
    #8
  9. sparkle

    old jon Guest

    Hi S. give them away and let someone else solve the prob. best wishes..J

    "sparkle" <> wrote in message
    news:d6a0so$g0r$...
    > My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    > guess
    > it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >
    > I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    > with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >
    > I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    > three
    > full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    > make it pop right off.
    >
    > Anyone got any suggestions?
    >
    > :) xxx
    old jon, May 16, 2005
    #9
  10. sparkle

    elaich Guest

    sparkle <> wrote in news:d6a0so$g0r$:

    > My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    > guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a
    > chicken?
    >
    > I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its
    > neck with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >
    > I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    > three full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the
    > ground to make it pop right off.
    >
    > Anyone got any suggestions?
    >
    >:) xxx


    It's much cleaner if you buy or fashion a cone. The end of the cone is
    open enough for the chicken's head to protrude. Place the chicken upside
    down in the cone so that it's head is sticking out the bottom. You can
    then remove the head with a sharp knife. The cone prevents the spectre of
    a headless chicken careening around for several minutes, andf allows it
    to bleed out properly.

    I know this is a squeaky subject for many people. Most of us have never
    done any such thing, forgetting that only a few generations ago, this
    would have been an everyday fact of life for much of the population.

    --
    "No sports writers were harmed during the making of this post. And what I
    want to know is - why not?"
    elaich, May 16, 2005
    #10
  11. sparkle

    Old Gringo Guest

    sparkle wrote:
    > My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I guess
    > it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >
    > I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    > with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >
    > I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in three
    > full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    > make it pop right off.
    >
    > Anyone got any suggestions?
    >
    > :) xxx

    Similar to Jeovan, only my Grandmother used a Butcher Knife then tied
    the feet together over the clothes line to let them bleed as bouncing
    around on the ground could damage a gland in the chicken and cause
    the meat to taste bitter. After the chicken stopped bleeding she
    would dip the chickens in a bucked of boiling water for about 2 min.
    then the feathers were easy to pluck out. After the plucking she
    would turn the chicken in all directions over an open flame to singe
    the small hair like feathers off. Then to gut the chicken making
    sure not to brake the gland that caused the chicken to taste bitter.
    One cut from the bottom tip of the Brest straight through to the
    tail. This should not be a deep incision as not to damage any of the
    guts in the chicken. You can lift the loose skin up as you make the
    cut to prevent damaging the insides. The guts can be pulled out with
    no cutting required. After removal of the guts you can salvage the
    gizzard, heart, liver, and dinky. The gizzard will require cleaning
    as it is full of the first stages of chicken shit, gravel, seeds,
    corn, etc. You will see what looks like a seam on the edge of the
    gizzard, using a sharp knife cut 1/2 way around and turn the gizzard
    inside out and under running water wash the insides throughly. The
    heart, liver, and dinky require no special cleaning, just rinse under
    water. After removing the guts rinse the body cavity with cold water
    and then inspect the chicken for quills that broke off when plucking
    the chicken, mainly in the wings and around the neck. These can be
    removed by placing a paring knife under them and pressing with your
    thumb and pulling. Now you have a 3 year old roasting hen ready for
    the oven. Because of the age of the chicken it may be to tough to
    use as a fryer. Or you can give them away and get some more layers
    and buy dinner from the KFC. This all took place over 70 years ago
    so the details may be a little ifie. Good Luck :)

    --
    Old Gringo George
    Magic Weaver Of Life
    Enjoy Life And Live It To Its Fullest
    Freedom For The World <http://www.nuboy-Industries.com>
    Old Gringo, May 16, 2005
    #11
  12. sparkle

    Avenger© Guest

    On Mon, 16 May 2005 16:14:22 +0200, sparkle <>
    wrote:

    >dadiOH , wrote in message
    >41ie.4282$5m1.3485@trnddc06:
    >> sparkle wrote:
    >>> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so
    >>> I guess it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a
    >>> chicken?

    >>
    >> You don't. They have been nice to you for three years, now it is your
    >> turn to be nice to them...let them live out their lives in peace. If
    >> you don't want them around find someone that does.

    >
    >I did not buy the chickens just to feed them when they stopped producing.
    >It's called economics. If you want me "to be nice to them...let them live
    >out their lives in peace", send me the money for 1kg of feed for each of the
    >six chickens per week plus $US10.00 (toto) per week maintenance costs. In
    >return I'll send you their pictures and two large bags of shit every month.


    LOL!!!!
    --
    Avenger©
    I *HATE* Spam
    A Spam Hater Since 1951
    Avenger©, May 16, 2005
    #12
  13. sparkle wrote:

    > My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I guess
    > it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >
    > I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its neck
    > with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >
    > I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in three
    > full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the ground to
    > make it pop right off.
    >
    > Anyone got any suggestions?


    I normally use a 50 caliber machine gun. After a 1200 round belt I take
    whatever is left over to MacDonalds for their "McChicken Mystery Bits".
    By the time I get back, the gun has cooled down enough to put back in
    the closet.
    =?ISO-8859-1?Q?R=F4g=EAr?=, May 16, 2005
    #13
  14. "Dr. Bill" <> wrote:

    When I was a kid, my dad used to string them up by their feet then
    insert a knife in their gullet. He'd let them hang and flop around
    until they bled out.

    Then there was plucking the feathers. He'd boil a large cauldron of
    water and dip the entire bird (unfortunately, I don't remember exactly
    how long) after which the feathers pulled out easily.
    Richard Evans, May 16, 2005
    #14
  15. sparkle

    Oldus Fartus Guest

    Rôgêr wrote:
    > sparkle wrote:
    >
    >> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    >> guess
    >> it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >>
    >> I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its
    >> neck with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >>
    >> I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    >> three full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the
    >> ground to make it pop right off.
    >>
    >> Anyone got any suggestions?

    >
    >
    > I normally use a 50 caliber machine gun. After a 1200 round belt I take
    > whatever is left over to MacDonalds for their "McChicken Mystery Bits".
    > By the time I get back, the gun has cooled down enough to put back in
    > the closet.


    That is a little (shall we say) overkill. My method is a little less
    noisy, although it does take a little longer.

    I take a cardboard box of about 2 foot square, and cut small holes in
    the side, about the size of a chickens head. Inside the box I put some
    grain, and put it in the chicken run.

    The chicken puts it's head in through the hole, and eats the grain.

    After a week of this training, I then tape some razorblades to the edges
    of the previously cut holes.

    The chicken sticks it's head in the hole, looks around for it's corn,
    and cuts its own fucking throat.

    --
    Cheers
    Oldus Fartus
    Oldus Fartus, May 16, 2005
    #15
  16. sparkle

    Old Gringo Guest

    Old Gringo wrote:
    > sparkle wrote:
    >
    >> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    >> guess
    >> it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >>
    >> I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its
    >> neck with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >>
    >> I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    >> three full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the
    >> ground to make it pop right off.
    >>
    >> Anyone got any suggestions?
    >>
    >> :) xxx

    >
    > Similar to Jeovan, only my Grandmother used a Butcher Knife then tied
    > the feet together over the clothes line to let them bleed as bouncing
    > around on the ground could damage a gland in the chicken and cause the
    > meat to taste bitter. After the chicken stopped bleeding she would dip
    > the chickens in a bucked of boiling water for about 2 min. then the
    > feathers were easy to pluck out. After the plucking she would turn the
    > chicken in all directions over an open flame to singe the small hair
    > like feathers off. Then to gut the chicken making sure not to brake the
    > gland that caused the chicken to taste bitter. One cut from the bottom
    > tip of the Brest straight through to the tail. This should not be a
    > deep incision as not to damage any of the guts in the chicken. You can
    > lift the loose skin up as you make the cut to prevent damaging the
    > insides. The guts can be pulled out with no cutting required. After
    > removal of the guts you can salvage the gizzard, heart, liver, and
    > dinky. The gizzard will require cleaning as it is full of the first
    > stages of chicken shit, gravel, seeds, corn, etc. You will see what
    > looks like a seam on the edge of the gizzard, using a sharp knife cut
    > 1/2 way around and turn the gizzard inside out and under running water
    > wash the insides throughly. The heart, liver, and dinky require no
    > special cleaning, just rinse under water. After removing the guts rinse
    > the body cavity with cold water and then inspect the chicken for quills
    > that broke off when plucking the chicken, mainly in the wings and around
    > the neck. These can be removed by placing a paring knife under them and
    > pressing with your thumb and pulling. Now you have a 3 year old
    > roasting hen ready for the oven. Because of the age of the chicken it
    > may be to tough to use as a fryer. Or you can give them away and get
    > some more layers and buy dinner from the KFC. This all took place over
    > 70 years ago so the details may be a little ifie. Good Luck :)
    >

    PS: Oh Ya the gizzard is under the neck just above the wishbone,
    another incision required to remove it. Knew I would forget
    something and I am not really positive about that. :)

    --
    Old Gringo George
    Magic Weaver Of Life
    Enjoy Life And Live It To Its Fullest
    Freedom For The World <http://www.nuboy-Industries.com>
    Old Gringo, May 16, 2005
    #16
  17. sparkle

    Oldus Fartus Guest

    Rôgêr wrote:
    > sparkle wrote:
    >
    >> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so I
    >> guess
    >> it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >>
    >> I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its
    >> neck with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >>
    >> I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    >> three full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the
    >> ground to make it pop right off.
    >>
    >> Anyone got any suggestions?

    >
    >
    > I normally use a 50 caliber machine gun. After a 1200 round belt I take
    > whatever is left over to MacDonalds for their "McChicken Mystery Bits".
    > By the time I get back, the gun has cooled down enough to put back in
    > the closet.


    That is a little (shall we say) overkill. My method is a little less
    noisy, although it does take a little longer.

    I take a cardboard box of about 2 foot square, and cut small holes in
    the side, about the size of a chickens head. Inside the box I put some
    grain, and put it in the chicken run.

    The chicken puts it's head in through the hole, and eats the grain.

    After a week of this training, I then tape some razorblades to the edges
    of the previously cut holes.

    The chicken sticks it's head in the hole, looks around for it's corn,
    and cuts its own fucking throat.


    --
    Cheers
    Oldus Fartus
    Oldus Fartus, May 16, 2005
    #17
  18. sparkle

    joevan Guest

    On Mon, 16 May 2005 22:53:38 +0800, Oldus Fartus
    <> wrote:

    >After a week of this training, I then tape some razorblades to the edges
    >of the previously cut holes.
    >
    >The chicken sticks it's head in the hole, looks around for it's corn,
    >and cuts its own fucking throat.
    >
    >
    >--
    >Cheers
    >Oldus Fartus

    Now tell the twuth. Did you really? I mean really did dat?
    --

    "Politicians are like diapers. They should both be changed frequently
    and for the same reason."
    joevan, May 16, 2005
    #18
  19. sparkle

    Old Gringo Guest

    Oldus Fartus wrote:
    > Rôgêr wrote:
    >
    >> sparkle wrote:
    >>
    >>> My hens are really slowing down their laying after nearly 3 years so
    >>> I guess
    >>> it's curtain time for them. What is the best way to kill a chicken?
    >>>
    >>> I searched google but found only sick "comedy" lines like "crush its
    >>> neck with a broom handle whilst pulling its legs at the same time."
    >>>
    >>> I read somewhere to hold the chicken upside down and turn the head in
    >>> three full circles, grip the neck and give it a swift pull toward the
    >>> ground to make it pop right off.
    >>>
    >>> Anyone got any suggestions?

    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> I normally use a 50 caliber machine gun. After a 1200 round belt I
    >> take whatever is left over to MacDonalds for their "McChicken Mystery
    >> Bits". By the time I get back, the gun has cooled down enough to put
    >> back in the closet.

    >
    >
    > That is a little (shall we say) overkill. My method is a little less
    > noisy, although it does take a little longer.
    >
    > I take a cardboard box of about 2 foot square, and cut small holes in
    > the side, about the size of a chickens head. Inside the box I put some
    > grain, and put it in the chicken run.
    >
    > The chicken puts it's head in through the hole, and eats the grain.
    >
    > After a week of this training, I then tape some razorblades to the edges
    > of the previously cut holes.
    >
    > The chicken sticks it's head in the hole, looks around for it's corn,
    > and cuts its own fucking throat.
    >
    >

    Inventive to say the least :)

    --
    Old Gringo George
    Magic Weaver Of Life
    Enjoy Life And Live It To Its Fullest
    Freedom For The World <http://www.nuboy-Industries.com>
    Old Gringo, May 16, 2005
    #19
  20. sparkle

    Oldus Fartus Guest

    joevan wrote:
    > On Mon, 16 May 2005 22:53:38 +0800, Oldus Fartus
    > <> wrote:
    >
    >
    >>After a week of this training, I then tape some razorblades to the edges
    >>of the previously cut holes.
    >>
    >>The chicken sticks it's head in the hole, looks around for it's corn,
    >>and cuts its own fucking throat.
    >>
    >>
    >>--
    >>Cheers
    >>Oldus Fartus

    >
    > Now tell the twuth. Did you really? I mean really did dat?


    Do you really think I would lie to the fine people in this newsgroup?

    --
    Cheers
    Oldus Fartus
    Oldus Fartus, May 16, 2005
    #20
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