House Of The Dead: The (Not) Horror, The (Not) Horror...

Discussion in 'DVD Video' started by Peter Briggs, Feb 17, 2004.

  1. Peter Briggs

    Peter Briggs Guest

    I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.

    Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met him
    once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.

    Mark was a writer/producer on this movie.

    I bought this flick, as the trailer (I thought) looked exceptional. I'm
    generally very good at filtering trailers...but this one -- ?

    The movie was bilge.

    Aside from lighting (there's some beautifully lit shots in the film),
    pretty-much EVERYTHING sucks on this DVD.

    First thing discerning DVD-philes will get is the appalling sound mix.
    I could barely unerstand half the dialogue, and at one point actually
    zipped back, and switched on the subtitles (but it was to confirm a line
    of dialogue SO moronic, that I could barely believe I'd heard it.)

    Horrible script. No internal "zombie-logic", and the dialogue was an
    affront to humanity (I cringed FOR Jurgen Prochnow at the shite-inducing
    "U-boat" joke, which -- alongside a multitude of fanboy bollocks --
    permeates this....this....WASTE OF 90 MINUTES.) The music was okay.
    TERRIBLY misconceived sequences. (What the **** were all those
    "bullet-time" shots around the actors? Cyber-scans for bust-maquettes
    that never got made???!!! And the inserts from the video game?!? When
    they weren't looking incongruously cheesy, they made the live action
    look poor! I could go on, almost ad-infinitum. The tit-shots, just
    CLEARLY there for gratuitous reasons?? (Hey -- I love women's boobs,
    but if you're going to show them, at least do it with a little
    finesse!!!!) When poor old "Liberty" is geting chowed-down on...the
    reaction shots??!? Hilarious!!!!)

    The hot-tub featurette? If you're a drooling guy, or bisexual girl,
    you'll...we

    I'll say this once: AVOID.

    And if you don't, and you like this total waste of space...PLEASE POST.
    I'll look forward to rebutting you.

    I liked this even less than "Lost In Translation"....

    Mama Mia, Pizzeria --
    Peter Briggs, Feb 17, 2004
    #1
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  2. Peter Briggs

    Mike Kohary Guest

    "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    news:1g99x8f.pb6dyj1lzbqwvN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    > I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.
    >
    > Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met him
    > once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    > things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.
    >
    > Mark was a writer/producer on this movie.
    >
    > I bought this flick, as the trailer (I thought) looked exceptional. I'm
    > generally very good at filtering trailers...but this one -- ?
    >
    > The movie was bilge.


    Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the trailer
    shouldn't have fooled you.

    Mike
    Mike Kohary, Feb 17, 2004
    #2
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  3. Peter Briggs

    Richard Guest

    pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk (Peter Briggs) wrote in message news:<1g99x8f.pb6dyj1lzbqwvN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk>...
    > I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.
    >
    > Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met him
    > once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    > things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.
    >


    Who cares? The movie was a piece of s--- made to sell piece of s---
    video games. BTW; There is no "house." It's on an island.
    -Rich
    Richard, Feb 17, 2004
    #3
  4. Peter Briggs

    someone Guest

    On 17 Feb 2004 09:07:44 -0800, (Richard) posted:

    >pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk (Peter Briggs) wrote in message news:<1g99x8f.pb6dyj1lzbqwvN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk>...
    >> I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.
    >>
    >> Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met him
    >> once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    >> things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.
    >>

    >
    >Who cares? The movie was a piece of s--- made to sell piece of s---
    >video games. BTW; There is no "house." It's on an island.
    >-Rich


    wasn't there a house on that island?
    someone, Feb 17, 2004
    #4
  5. Peter Briggs

    Jay Stewart Guest

    "someone" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    >
    > On 17 Feb 2004 09:07:44 -0800, (Richard) posted:
    >
    > >pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk (Peter Briggs) wrote in message

    news:<1g99x8f.pb6dyj1lzbqwvN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk>...
    > >> I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.
    > >>
    > >> Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met

    him
    > >> once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    > >> things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.
    > >>

    > >
    > >Who cares? The movie was a piece of s--- made to sell piece of s---
    > >video games. BTW; There is no "house." It's on an island.
    > >-Rich

    >
    > wasn't there a house on that island?


    ....or an island beneath the house?
    Jay Stewart, Feb 17, 2004
    #5
  6. Peter Briggs

    Black Locust Guest

    In article
    <1g99x8f.pb6dyj1lzbqwvN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk>,
    pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk (Peter Briggs) wrote:

    > I just suffered throught this shambles tonight.
    >
    > Before I say anything else: Mark Altman is a really nice guy. I met him
    > once at a friend's party in L.A. His publications have said glowing
    > things about my work. I think he's terrific. Super-nice.
    >
    > Mark was a writer/producer on this movie.
    >
    > I bought this flick, as the trailer (I thought) looked exceptional. I'm
    > generally very good at filtering trailers...but this one -- ?
    >
    > The movie was bilge.


    For once I agree with you on all accounts. This turd was unbelievably
    bad, to the point that I became embarrassed that I was watching it and
    no one even knew I was watching it! And I love zombie movies to boot,
    but this was just pure trash and Fartisan should be damn ashamed of
    themselves for giving this pile of crap the green light. I can't wait to
    get the 3 disc Dawn of the Dead set in my hands to wash away the stench
    of this pathetic excuse for a zombie movie.

    The worst thing is they promise more House of the Dead movies are to
    come... Lord save us all.
    --
    BL
    Black Locust, Feb 18, 2004
    #6
  7. Peter Briggs

    McQualude Guest

    pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk (Peter Briggs) said:

    > And if you don't, and you like this total waste of space...PLEASE POST.
    > I'll look forward to rebutting you.


    Apparently you didn't read the reviews, nor have you played the video
    game. The movie is shallow and cheesy... exactly like the game. I like
    both of them.

    --
    McQualude
    McQualude, Feb 18, 2004
    #7
  8. Peter Briggs

    Peter Briggs Guest

    Mike Kohary <> wrote:

    > Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the trailer
    > shouldn't have fooled you.


    Not in this case, no....
    Peter Briggs, Feb 18, 2004
    #8
  9. Peter Briggs

    Mike Kohary Guest

    "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    news:1g9d07j.18fgvzt15emed6N%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    > Mike Kohary <> wrote:
    >
    > > Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the

    trailer
    > > shouldn't have fooled you.

    >
    > Not in this case, no....


    Man, that's why I read reviews on everything, so I can avoid turkeys like
    this (I love the video games, and would have been tempted to see the movie
    were it not for the awful reviews it received).

    Mike
    Mike Kohary, Feb 18, 2004
    #9
  10. Peter Briggs

    Justin Guest

    Mike Kohary wrote on [Wed, 18 Feb 2004 13:28:33 -0800]:
    > "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    > news:1g9d07j.18fgvzt15emed6N%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    >> Mike Kohary <> wrote:
    >>
    >> > Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the

    > trailer
    >> > shouldn't have fooled you.

    >>
    >> Not in this case, no....

    >
    > Man, that's why I read reviews on everything, so I can avoid turkeys like
    > this (I love the video games, and would have been tempted to see the movie
    > were it not for the awful reviews it received).
    >


    Hell, I saw the trailer and didn't need to read the reviews.

    Now, the Resident Evil sequel trailer is a different story
    Justin, Feb 18, 2004
    #10
  11. Peter Briggs

    Mike Kohary Guest

    "Justin" <> wrote in message
    news:2go.com...
    > Mike Kohary wrote on [Wed, 18 Feb 2004 13:28:33 -0800]:
    > > "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    > > news:1g9d07j.18fgvzt15emed6N%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    > >> Mike Kohary <> wrote:
    > >>
    > >> > Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the

    > > trailer
    > >> > shouldn't have fooled you.
    > >>
    > >> Not in this case, no....

    > >
    > > Man, that's why I read reviews on everything, so I can avoid turkeys

    like
    > > this (I love the video games, and would have been tempted to see the

    movie
    > > were it not for the awful reviews it received).
    > >

    >
    > Hell, I saw the trailer and didn't need to read the reviews.
    >
    > Now, the Resident Evil sequel trailer is a different story


    Don't know about the sequel, but Resident Evil has Milla, which means it's
    inherently watchable. ;)

    Mike
    Mike Kohary, Feb 18, 2004
    #11
  12. Peter Briggs

    Black Locust Guest

    In article <c10phd$ktj$>, "Mike Kohary" <>
    wrote:

    > Don't know about the sequel, but Resident Evil has Milla, which means it's
    > inherently watchable. ;)


    I quite enjoyed the first Resident Evil and I also like the games to an
    extent(i have the newer gamecube ones, which are vastly superior to the
    clunky old psx games...). It's not up there with George Romero's zombie
    movies, but it's a frickin' masterpiece compared to House of the Dead.
    The sequel looks like it picks up right where the first one left off and
    that's a good thing IMO. About the only thing that has changed is the
    director.

    > Mike
    >

    --
    BL
    Black Locust, Feb 19, 2004
    #12
  13. Peter Briggs

    Peter Briggs Guest

    McQualude <> wrote:

    > Apparently you didn't read the reviews, nor have you played the video
    > game. The movie is shallow and cheesy... exactly like the game. I like
    > both of them.


    Funnily enough, I HAVE played the game.

    I guess I was dumb enough to have expected a movie, though...
    Peter Briggs, Feb 19, 2004
    #13
  14. Peter Briggs

    Justin Guest

    Mike Kohary wrote on [Wed, 18 Feb 2004 14:38:36 -0800]:
    > "Justin" <> wrote in message
    > news:2go.com...
    >> Mike Kohary wrote on [Wed, 18 Feb 2004 13:28:33 -0800]:
    >> > "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    >> > news:1g9d07j.18fgvzt15emed6N%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    >> >> Mike Kohary <> wrote:
    >> >>
    >> >> > Don't you read reviews? The movie was universally panned, so the
    >> > trailer
    >> >> > shouldn't have fooled you.
    >> >>
    >> >> Not in this case, no....
    >> >
    >> > Man, that's why I read reviews on everything, so I can avoid turkeys

    > like
    >> > this (I love the video games, and would have been tempted to see the

    > movie
    >> > were it not for the awful reviews it received).
    >> >

    >>
    >> Hell, I saw the trailer and didn't need to read the reviews.
    >>
    >> Now, the Resident Evil sequel trailer is a different story

    >
    > Don't know about the sequel, but Resident Evil has Milla, which means it's
    > inherently watchable. ;)
    >


    Oh yeah.
    Justin, Feb 19, 2004
    #14
  15. Peter Briggs

    Peter Briggs Guest

    Mike Kohary <> wrote:

    > Don't know about the sequel, but Resident Evil has Milla, which means it's
    > inherently watchable. ;)


    God, I don't know about that. I thought RE was about on the dire level
    of "Ghosts Of Mars" (and THAT had Natasha Henstridge!)
    Peter Briggs, Feb 19, 2004
    #15
  16. Peter Briggs

    Mike Kohary Guest

    "Peter Briggs" <pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
    news:1g9ehvm.upimykwgrbakN%pete@DIESPAMDIE!cinescribe.demon.co.uk...
    > Mike Kohary <> wrote:
    >
    > > Don't know about the sequel, but Resident Evil has Milla, which means

    it's
    > > inherently watchable. ;)

    >
    > God, I don't know about that. I thought RE was about on the dire level
    > of "Ghosts Of Mars" (and THAT had Natasha Henstridge!)


    Sometimes you watch the movie not to watch the movie. Or at least I do. ;)

    Mike
    Mike Kohary, Feb 22, 2004
    #16
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