hmmm

Discussion in 'Digital Photography' started by Rex, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. Rex

    Rex Guest

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm


    A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three
    years on probation.

    Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by
    conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

    Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for
    three years.

    Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom
    at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

    Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the
    door several times and there was no reply.

    "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

    "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
    to simulate sex."

    Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    called police.

    Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I
    thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a
    new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

    Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding
    after he had too much to drink.

    The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving
    from his council house in Girvan.

    He now lives in Ayr.
    Rex, Nov 15, 2007
    #1
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  2. Rex

    Tommo ³ Guest

    Snip

    > "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    > accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >
    > "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
    > to simulate sex."
    >
    > Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    > called police.


    Well, if the Raleigh's a rockin', don't bother knocin'

    Isn't this always the case?
    Tommo ³, Nov 16, 2007
    #2
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  3. Rex

    noname Guest

    On Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:06:25 -0000, "Tommo ³" <> wrote:

    >Snip
    >
    >> "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    >> accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >>
    >> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
    >> to simulate sex."
    >>
    >> Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    >> called police.

    >
    >Well, if the Raleigh's a rockin', don't bother knocin'
    >
    >Isn't this always the case?
    >

    Hey as long as the bike wasn't under age I have no problem with
    whatever two consenting adults do in private.
    noname, Nov 16, 2007
    #3
  4. Tommo ³ wrote:

    > Snip
    >
    > > "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    > > accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    > >
    > > "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
    > > to simulate sex."
    > >
    > > Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    > > called police.

    >
    > Well, if the Raleigh's a rockin', don't bother knocin'
    >
    > Isn't this always the case?


    I think the problem was a lack of stabilising wheels. The staff of the
    hostel rushed to the room when they heard a loud crash. If he'd only
    attached a pair of stabilisers, there wouldn't have been an issue.

    He should have read the FAQ for alt.sex.hostelbikefuckers.
    Tony McChrystal, Nov 16, 2007
    #4
  5. Rex

    Nervous Nick Guest

    On Nov 15, 5:15 pm, "Rex" <> wrote:
    > http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
    >
    > A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three
    > years on probation.
    >
    > Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by
    > conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.


    By any chance was he listening to a Queen song when he done the deed?



    Bicycle bicycle bicycle
    I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride my bike
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride it where I like

    --
    YOP...
    Nervous Nick, Nov 16, 2007
    #5
  6. Rex

    mack Guest

    "noname" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > On Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:06:25 -0000, "Tommo ³" <> wrote:
    >
    >>Snip
    >>
    >>> "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    >>> accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >>>
    >>> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as
    >>> if
    >>> to simulate sex."
    >>>
    >>> Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    >>> called police.

    >>
    >>Well, if the Raleigh's a rockin', don't bother knocin'
    >>
    >>Isn't this always the case?
    >>

    > Hey as long as the bike wasn't under age I have no problem with
    > whatever two consenting adults do in private.


    Untold in this news story is whether the bicycle was a men's or ladies'
    model. Unless it was the latter, this guy was clearly bi(ke)sexual.
    mack, Nov 16, 2007
    #6
  7. "Tommo ³" <> wrote in news::

    >> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth
    >> as if to simulate sex."
    >>


    >
    > Well, if the Raleigh's a rockin', don't bother knocin'
    >
    > Isn't this always the case?
    >


    Meh, Nunn's been shoving bicycles up his arses for years.

    --
    Cheers, Os
    Osbourne Ruddock, Nov 16, 2007
    #7
  8. Rex

    Sid Guest

    Sid, Nov 16, 2007
    #8
  9. Rex

    Annika1980 Guest

    Maybe his horse died?
    Annika1980, Nov 16, 2007
    #9
  10. Rex

    Paul Bartram Guest

    "Rex" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
    >
    >
    > A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to
    > three
    > years on probation.


    Unless someone took a photo, not exactly anything to do with us...

    ** Mountain men like mountain bikes**
    ~ Possible bumper sticker?

    Paul
    Paul Bartram, Nov 16, 2007
    #10
  11. Rex

    John Lewis Guest

    On Thu, 15 Nov 2007 23:15:27 -0000, "Rex" <> wrote:

    >http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
    >
    >
    >A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three
    >years on probation.
    >
    >Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by
    >conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
    >
    >Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for
    >three years.
    >
    >Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom
    >at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
    >
    >Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the
    >door several times and there was no reply.
    >
    >"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    >accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >
    >"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
    >to simulate sex."
    >
    >Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
    >called police.
    >
    >Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I
    >thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a
    >new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
    >
    >Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding
    >after he had too much to drink.
    >
    >The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving
    >from his council house in Girvan.
    >
    >He now lives in Ayr.
    >
    >


    Which part of the bike was the receptacle for his affections?

    John Lewis
    John Lewis, Nov 16, 2007
    #11
  12. On 16 Nov, 05:51, (John Lewis) wrote:

    > >Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding
    > >after he had too much to drink.

    >
    > >The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving
    > >from his council house in Girvan.

    >
    > >He now lives in Ayr.

    >
    > Which part of the bike was the receptacle for his affections?


    He pretty much covered the entire frame with his affection.

    Housekeeping were not amused.
    Tony McChrystal, Nov 16, 2007
    #12
  13. Rex

    nigel Guest

    Rex wrote:

    > http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm


    The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
    catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence
    was committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get
    the charges laughed out of court.
    nigel, Nov 16, 2007
    #13
  14. Rex

    Joe Horowitz Guest

    "nigel" <> wrote in message
    news:...
    > The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
    > catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence was
    > committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get the
    > charges laughed out of court.


    AWTWP. Similarly, any half-decent cleaner should have been able to get the
    jizz out of the derailers without making a fuss.


    --
    Joe

    "I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan
    Joe Horowitz, Nov 16, 2007
    #14
  15. In rec.photo.digital nigel <> wrote:
    > Rex wrote:


    >> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm


    > The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
    > catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence
    > was committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get
    > the charges laughed out of court.


    The bicycle hired a very expensive lawyer and is suing for
    damages. Nobody wants a fucked bicycle.

    --
    Chris Malcolm DoD #205
    IPAB, Informatics, JCMB, King's Buildings, Edinburgh, EH9 3JZ, UK
    [http://www.dai.ed.ac.uk/homes/cam/]
    Chris Malcolm, Nov 16, 2007
    #15
  16. Rex

    Sid Guest

    Chris Malcolm <> wrote in news:5q5ijoFu4ie3U4
    @mid.individual.net:


    > The bicycle hired a very expensive lawyer and is suing for
    > damages. Nobody wants a fucked bicycle.


    I want mine to at least be screwed right.

    Sid
    Sid, Nov 16, 2007
    #16
  17. Rex

    ChrisM Guest

    In message ,
    Rex <> Proclaimed from the tallest tower:

    > http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
    >
    >
    > A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced
    > to three years on probation.
    >
    > Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the
    > peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
    >
    > Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders
    > Register for three years.
    >
    > Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his
    > bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
    >
    > Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on
    > the door several times and there was no reply.
    >
    > "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    > accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >
    > "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth
    > as if to simulate sex."
    >
    > Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager
    > who called police.
    >
    > Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law
    > I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but
    > this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
    >
    > Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a
    > misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
    >
    > The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after
    > moving from his council house in Girvan.
    >
    > He now lives in Ayr.


    So in a nutshell, (putting aside the bicycle which I must admit is a little
    odd!) some guy(who may be a little bit lonely) was having a w**k in his own
    (hostel)bedroom behind a LOCKED door.
    The cleaners let themselves into HIS PRIVATE room whilst this was
    happening...

    If ANYONE is in breach of the law here, I'd have thought it was the
    cleaners!


    --
    Regards,
    Chris.
    (Remove Elvis's shoes to email me)
    ChrisM, Nov 16, 2007
    #17
  18. "mack" <> wrote in message
    news:...

    >> Hey as long as the bike wasn't under age I have no problem with
    >> whatever two consenting adults do in private.

    >
    > Untold in this news story is whether the bicycle was a men's or ladies'
    > model. Unless it was the latter, this guy was clearly bi(ke)sexual.



    More importantly, we don't know if it was a straight or a gay bike.

    If it was a gay bike, with a big leather saddle, I think that's actually
    still against the law in Scotland.

    BTN
    Sir Benjamin Nunn, Nov 16, 2007
    #18
  19. Rex

    Walter Mitty Guest

    "ChrisM" <> writes:

    > In message ,
    > Rex <> Proclaimed from the tallest tower:
    >
    >> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
    >>
    >>
    >> A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced
    >> to three years on probation.
    >>
    >> Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the
    >> peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
    >>
    >> Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders
    >> Register for three years.
    >>
    >> Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his
    >> bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
    >>
    >> Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on
    >> the door several times and there was no reply.
    >>
    >> "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
    >> accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
    >>
    >> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth
    >> as if to simulate sex."
    >>
    >> Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager
    >> who called police.
    >>
    >> Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law
    >> I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but
    >> this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
    >>
    >> Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a
    >> misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
    >>
    >> The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after
    >> moving from his council house in Girvan.
    >>
    >> He now lives in Ayr.

    >
    > So in a nutshell, (putting aside the bicycle which I must admit is a little
    > odd!) some guy(who may be a little bit lonely) was having a w**k in his own
    > (hostel)bedroom behind a LOCKED door.
    > The cleaners let themselves into HIS PRIVATE room whilst this was
    > happening...
    >
    > If ANYONE is in breach of the law here, I'd have thought it was the
    > cleaners!


    I wonder if the same idiot police could arrest you for cracking one out
    under the duvet?

    "Sex pest harrasses sheet covers. On sex offenders list for 10 years".

    The world has gone mad.
    Walter Mitty, Nov 16, 2007
    #19
  20. Rex

    nigel Guest

    nigel, Nov 16, 2007
    #20
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