For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by Mavra Chang, Feb 18, 2004.

  1. Mavra Chang

    Mavra Chang Guest

    To: undisclosed-recipients:
    Subject: For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer
    Would Say

    Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

    12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

    11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if
    I am to do battle with this code!

    10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the
    original Klingon.

    9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

    8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
    'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers
    and quality assurance people in its wake.

    7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have
    'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.

    6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.

    5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
    contest. They will not concern us again.

    4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

    3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family.
    Prepare to die!

    2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you
    stand!

    And finally, the most important thing a Klingon Programmer would say
    about his/her code:

    1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it!
    Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!

    mc
    Live every day like it's your last...One day you'll be right!
     
    Mavra Chang, Feb 18, 2004
    #1
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  2. Mavra Chang

    gb Guest

    You wanna be careful Mara doesn't pounce and report you for an unnecessary
    posting to this NG. Mind you, she needs a constant stream of people to
    report, otherwise she'd run out of things to do. She only seems to live for
    telling people not to spam to the group. Talk about a boring life! Can you
    imagine? Spending all your time on here and for the most part, moaning
    about spamming and making witless comments. No wonder the internet is so
    clogged up with people like her around.....blah blah blah
    blah..................

    gb

    "Mavra Chang" <> wrote in message
    news:IAMYb.44868$...
    > To: undisclosed-recipients:
    > Subject: For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer
    > Would Say
    >
    > Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say
    >
    > 12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
    >
    > 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if
    > I am to do battle with this code!
    >
    > 10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the
    > original Klingon.
    >
    > 9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your

    skull!
    >
    > 8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
    > 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers
    > and quality assurance people in its wake.
    >
    > 7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have
    > 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
    >
    > 6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the

    weak.
    >
    > 5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
    > contest. They will not concern us again.
    >
    > 4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
    >
    > 3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family.
    > Prepare to die!
    >
    > 2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you
    > stand!
    >
    > And finally, the most important thing a Klingon Programmer would say
    > about his/her code:
    >
    > 1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it!
    > Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!
    >
    > mc
    > Live every day like it's your last...One day you'll be right!
    >
    >
     
    gb, Feb 18, 2004
    #2
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  3. Mavra Chang

    why? Guest

    X-No-Archive: Yes
    On Wed, 18 Feb 2004 16:41:12 GMT, Mavra Chang wrote:

    >To: undisclosed-recipients:
    >Subject: For the programmers among you: Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer
    >Would Say
    >
    >Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say
    >
    >12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
    >

    <snip>

    http://home.online.no/~ihoeglun/prog_guide.html

    THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES
    TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
    In various languages, C C++ Fortran Pascal ADA, 19 in total.

    C: You shoot yourself in the foot

    C++: You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
    all in the foot. Providing emergency
    medical assistance is impossible, since you can't tell which are bitwise
    copies and which are just pointing
    at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

    FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iterative, until you run out
    of toes, then you read in next foot and repeat.
    If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot
    yourself anyways because you have no
    exception-handling capability.

    Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

    More,

    http://www.cs.man.ac.uk/~pjj/cs211/language.html
    Humourous looks at programming languages

    How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using

    Smalltalk
    You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
    system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
    workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.


    Me
     
    why?, Feb 18, 2004
    #3
  4. Mavra Chang

    DC Guest

    Mavra Chang wrote:
    [...]

    > 8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
    > 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers
    > and quality assurance people in its wake.


    > 7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have
    > 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.


    ROTFLMAO!

    [...]

    Thanks for this. }:O)

    --
    DC Registered Linux User #1000111011000111001

    Why I love Open Source: http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=111601
     
    DC, Feb 18, 2004
    #4
  5. Mavra Chang

    trout Guest

    gb wrote:

    > You wanna be careful Mara doesn't pounce and report you for an
    > unnecessary posting to this NG. Mind you, she needs a constant
    > stream of people to report, otherwise she'd run out of things to do.


    As opposed to some asshole that's got nothing better to do than
    whine about another poster, like you, you useless ****?
    --
    "Do strong women give you nightmares about Mommy paddling your ass?"
     
    trout, Feb 18, 2004
    #5
  6. Mavra Chang

    Mara Guest

    On Wed, 18 Feb 2004 14:10:36 -0800, trout wrote:

    >gb wrote:
    >


    <whine snipped>
    > As opposed to some asshole that's got nothing better to do than
    >whine about another poster, like you, you useless ****?


    Do you have any idea who is this "gb" is and why it's whining? I don't recall
    seeing the nic before, and don't see the original post.

    Oh, wait a minute. Is this the same fuckwit?

    http://snipurl.com/4l4n

    Or this?

    http://snipurl.com/4l4o

    Why yes, it is. That explains an awful lot, there. Explains why I didn't see it,
    too.

    Gutter slime. :)

    >--
    >"Do strong women give you nightmares about Mommy paddling your ass?"


    Probably, along with women who don't read its moronic posts, since it's a
    complete waste of time.

    "It knows it doesn't matter - thus, the whining."

    --
    What we need are a couple of good hangings.
    -- FTC Chairman Orson Swindle, on email spam
     
    Mara, Feb 18, 2004
    #6
  7. Mavra Chang

    gb Guest

    It always cheers me up to think you of all people have the audacity to utter
    such words.

    "trout" <> wrote in message
    news:c10nt4$1crrsl$-berlin.de...
    > gb wrote:
    >
    > > You wanna be careful Mara doesn't pounce and report you for an
    > > unnecessary posting to this NG. Mind you, she needs a constant
    > > stream of people to report, otherwise she'd run out of things to do.

    >
    > As opposed to some asshole that's got nothing better to do than
    > whine about another poster, like you, you useless ****?
    > --
    > "Do strong women give you nightmares about Mommy paddling your ass?"
    >
    >
     
    gb, Feb 19, 2004
    #7
  8. It was on Wed, 18 Feb 2004 17:45:39 -0600, just as I was halfway through a
    large jam doughnut, that Mara wrote:

    > On Wed, 18 Feb 2004 14:10:36 -0800, trout wrote:
    >
    >>gb wrote:
    >>
    >>

    > <whine snipped>
    >> As opposed to some asshole that's got nothing better to do than
    >>whine about another poster, like you, you useless ****?

    >
    > Do you have any idea who is this "gb" is and why it's whining? I don't
    > recall seeing the nic before, and don't see the original post.
    >
    > Oh, wait a minute. Is this the same fuckwit?
    >
    > http://snipurl.com/4l4n
    >
    > Or this?
    >
    > http://snipurl.com/4l4o
    >
    > Why yes, it is. That explains an awful lot, there. Explains why I didn't
    > see it, too.
    >
    > Gutter slime. :)
    >
    >>--
    >>"Do strong women give you nightmares about Mommy paddling your ass?"

    >
    > Probably, along with women who don't read its moronic posts, since it's a
    > complete waste of time.
    >
    > "It knows it doesn't matter - thus, the whining."


    It's been in my bitbucket for a while now, along with JimPkP. They can
    whine at each other.

    --
    Linux User #: 305646.
    SuSE Linux Pro 9.0
    No M$, No viruses, NO problems!
     
    William Poaster, Feb 19, 2004
    #8
  9. Mavra Chang

    Mara Guest

    On Thu, 19 Feb 2004 01:31:39 +0000, William Poaster wrote:

    >It was on Wed, 18 Feb 2004 17:45:39 -0600, just as I was halfway through a
    >large jam doughnut, that Mara wrote:


    <snip>
    >> Probably, along with women who don't read its moronic posts, since it's a
    >> complete waste of time.
    >>
    >> "It knows it doesn't matter - thus, the whining."

    >
    >It's been in my bitbucket for a while now, along with JimPkP. They can
    >whine at each other.


    Did you find it amusing that Jim PKP jumped right on the ol' bandwagon until
    trout replied to him, and then suddenly back off? Especially since "gb" was
    simply doing the exact same thing that Jim PKP has done himself, in the past? :)

    I know I did.

    You know, I believe it's people with that kind of attitude that are responsible
    for this kind of thing:

    http://www.dailystar.com/dailystar/news/10230.php
    (Get it while it's hot, won't be up long)

    But it's the ones who fight spam that help to bring about this:

    http://thewhir.com/marketwatch/foo021604.cfm

    and this:

    http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=...lm=

    or

    http://snipurl.com/4l76

    "The choice seems simple enough to me. :)"

    --
    What we need are a couple of good hangings.
    -- FTC Chairman Orson Swindle, on email spam
     
    Mara, Feb 19, 2004
    #9
  10. Mavra Chang

    trout Guest

    gb wrote:

    > It always cheers me up to think you of all people have the audacity
    > to utter such words.


    Considering your apparent mental age; I imagine dangling car-keys or
    an offer of candy makes you equally happy.
    --
    "Yappy little twit."
     
    trout, Feb 19, 2004
    #10
  11. Mavra Chang

    gb Guest

    That's sweet, you imagining things about me.

    "trout" <> wrote in message
    news:c11k56$1bv4su$-berlin.de...
    > gb wrote:
    >
    > > It always cheers me up to think you of all people have the audacity
    > > to utter such words.

    >
    > Considering your apparent mental age; I imagine dangling car-keys or
    > an offer of candy makes you equally happy.
    > --
    > "Yappy little twit."
    >
    >
     
    gb, Feb 19, 2004
    #11
  12. Mavra Chang

    trout Guest

    gb wrote:

    > That's sweet, you imagining things about me.


    It's fun to imagine. Like you imagining that your lowing grunts of
    discontent are worth posting.
    --
    "If you couldn't imagine, you'd have to live with the tiny horror of
    being you."
     
    trout, Feb 20, 2004
    #12
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