Diary of a Snow Shoveler...

Discussion in 'Computer Support' started by George Orwell, Dec 10, 2003.

  1. December 2 - 12:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
    season
    and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
    watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like
    a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I
    love snow!

    December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
    covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
    there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
    best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and
    felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks
    and closed
    in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
    disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
    have white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says
    we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to
    see snow again. don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man,
    I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
    dropped to-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
    breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
    This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
    everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
    shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l
    wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
    freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
    think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
    driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
    hour, Which I think was very cruel.

    December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
    anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
    on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
    irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit
    it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
    freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
    stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came
    by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
    they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
    only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and
    they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
    lying. Bob says I have to shovel the city will have it done and bill
    me. I think
    he's lying.

    December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
    inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
    won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
    go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed,
    pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire
    Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he
    says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

    December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
    wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
    she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?She says
    she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24 - 6." Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
    Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
    bitch
    who drives that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his balls
    and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around
    the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes
    down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
    I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
    with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the
    damn snowplow.

    December 25 - Merry fucking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop
    tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
    hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
    and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a
    bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch
    "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into
    the microwave.

    December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did ever move here? It
    was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber
    came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to
    replace all my pipes.

    December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed THE BITCH is
    driving me crazy!!!

    December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
    it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
    does he think I am?

    December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now
    suing me for a million dollars not only the beating gave him but also
    for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went
    home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
    shoveling.

    January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
    keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
    George Orwell, Dec 10, 2003
    #1
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  2. George Orwell

    Brian H¹© Guest

    George Orwell said:

    > December 2 - 12:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
    > season


    (snip)

    OMG that reminds me, I need to buy an axe to chop the tv up if Dr No is on on
    Christmas day again for about the 20th year in a row.
    Brian H¹©, Dec 10, 2003
    #2
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  3. George Orwell

    TRADESMAN Guest

    George Orwell wrote:
    > December 2 - 12:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
    > season
    >

    (snip)

    Thanks for sharing that. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Hope they let you out of the
    restraints real soon, and the wife understands just what pressure you were
    under. LOL
    TRADESMAN, Dec 10, 2003
    #3
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