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I really wanna tell you something

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"it's complicated"... Sure it is. I dunno. It is hard to say anything. I
remember a very sexy girl, very tight black Levi cordoroys, and why did
she never have her belly button covered? Yes, it is a true story. I went
to high school with her. One time, she said to me, " ", well I don't
quite remember the actual words, but she had noticed, as much as was
stealthly admiring her, that I was stealthly admiring her.

I mean, she was WOW. I mean, I can draw her shapes.... ok, maybe I can't
draw, but her thighs and their curve....

OK, I am not here to titilate. Black hair, she was of German descent for
her name. I used to kinda go see her after HS. She was so way out of my
league. I remember her saying to me that " you have to buy something, you
can't just pull in here and chat with me". She worked at dog n suds.

I don't know what she said to me in class at an earlier time.... for sure
something like, "I'm not just a pinup, ya know", but of course I was
completely scared of such beauty.

As time would have it, I would go off and try to be some one, be some
one, be some one. .. that she would love. And it would be OK to do that,
because it would just be OK to do that.

I would come to know later that the only friend I had in my second high
school, they lived next door to each other. I am not sure that is
meaningful. I had been driven past where she lived a hundred if not more
times, to wonder, "who lives there". While I certainly was having this
whole ****ing bunch of nothing but wonder, but she grew up there.

It seems stark to me even to this day, or so I remember thinking it was.
I had lived in pretty much an apartment in the city, I don't remember
much about outside, that is, outside.

I don't know what I am talking about of course, and why would tell you
this, but it is how I ... there is not a second that I cannot see her.
Surely you are my ****ing problem and it is your fault that she is not

So that's why I could not go to bed tonight, even having all the wine I
don't want to have at my disposal.

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