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During HDD clean up found this on programing language

 
 
Collector»NZ
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      11-30-2004
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
difficult to remember which language you're currently using. This
handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who
find themselves in such a dilemma.

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible
since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just
pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of
bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways
because you have no exception-handling capability.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load
the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot.
When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of
the wrong type.

COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN
return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to
explain it to you.

BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but
you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the
result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its
trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the
gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to
do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.

Unix

% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document
explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your
foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot,
just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little
bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first
invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
 
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Dave Taylor
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      11-30-2004
Collector»NZ <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in news:312d1vF374eqoU1@uni-
berlin.de:

> The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
> to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
> difficult to remember which language you're currently using. This
> handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who
> find themselves in such a dilemma.
>
> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot


LOL, but I bet it is much more funny to someone who has programmed in a few
of these languages. I sent it on to my Cold Fusion programmer friend in
Vancouver.

--
Ciao, Dave
 
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Crash
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      11-30-2004

"Collector»NZ" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed)...
> The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
> to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
> difficult to remember which language you're currently using. This
> handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who
> find themselves in such a dilemma.
>
> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot
>

[snip]

LINC:

LOOK.UP; GC-FOOT (BODY) GS; GD-STATUS
DO.WHEN GD-STATUS NOT = GLB.SPACES : No point shooting at nothing
MESSAGE; ERROR (FOOT NOT FOUND)
ELSE; : Who needs 2 - one is enough
INSERT; GP-GET-GUN
INSERT; GP-LOAD-AMMO
MV; GC-FOOT GD-TARGET
INSERT; GP-EXTERMINATE
FLAG; GC-PARITYERROR BODY.STATUS : Bits now missing or dead
MOVE; (FOOT SHOT) CONFIRM-MESS
RECALL;
END;


Yeah yeah I know - exceeds the specs by first checking that there is a foot
to be shot but that's how class programmers succeed in spite of shoddy
specifications.

Crash.



 
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Lawrence D¹Oliveiro
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      11-30-2004
In article <(E-Mail Removed)>,
Collector»NZ <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:

>COBOL
>Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
>ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN
>return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.


Where did all those dots come from? COBOL used OF for qualification
purposes the last time I used it (1985). Also no THENs. i.e.

Using a HANDGUN OF COLT 45, AIM gun at FOOT OF LEG, place FINGER OF HAND
OF ARM on TRIGGER OF HANDGUN and SQUEEZE. etc.

>FORTH
>Foot in yourself shoot.


Forth love you if honk then!

By the way, no PostScript?
 
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Brendan
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      11-30-2004
On Tue, 30 Nov 2004 22:08:09 +1100, Crash wrote:

> "Collector»NZ" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
> news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>> The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
>> to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
>> difficult to remember which language you're currently using. This
>> handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who
>> find themselves in such a dilemma.
>>
>> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot


VisualWOGER:
You first declare feet as CRAP and all foot owners should go back to their
Playstations. You then produce 3 URL's proving knives are better.

Some time later you will quietly shoot your foot. No one will be at all
surprised.

PL-dunford:
You wait until someone mentions Linux Feet and then whine about the
discussion. You never shoot your foot.

Mercer# :
Proudly proclaim the shooting facilities of ms-foot, and list various
methods of shooting. Disappear at the mention of cheaper alternatives.
Don't actually do any shooting yourself.

Brett++ :
Declare the fault-less nature of ms-shoot, and it's compatibility with Foot
formats. Show a screen shot of GPL-shoot running Foot.

Tunney Script :
Declare expertise in foot shooting. Claim possession of official foot
shooting documentation. State lack of time. Declare nannying duties. Change
subject. Foot remains un-shot.

..DAVE :
Declare unimportance of shooting foot. Assert the foot's own fault for
being shot. Shoot your hand.

JamieX :
Swear at foot until it shoots you.





--

.... Brendan

"Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage." -- H. L. Mencken

Note: All my comments are copyright 1/12/2004 12:57:45 a.m. and are opinion only where not otherwise stated and always "to the best of my recollection". www.computerman.orcon.net.nz.
 
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Collector»NZ
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Posts: n/a
 
      11-30-2004
Brendan said the following on 1/12/2004 12:17 p.m.:
> On Tue, 30 Nov 2004 22:08:09 +1100, Crash wrote:
>
>
>>"Collector»NZ" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
>>news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>>
>>>The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
>>>to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
>>>difficult to remember which language you're currently using. This
>>>handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who
>>>find themselves in such a dilemma.
>>>
>>>TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot

>
>
> VisualWOGER:
> You first declare feet as CRAP and all foot owners should go back to their
> Playstations. You then produce 3 URL's proving knives are better.
>
> Some time later you will quietly shoot your foot. No one will be at all
> surprised.
>
> PL-dunford:
> You wait until someone mentions Linux Feet and then whine about the
> discussion. You never shoot your foot.
>
> Mercer# :
> Proudly proclaim the shooting facilities of ms-foot, and list various
> methods of shooting. Disappear at the mention of cheaper alternatives.
> Don't actually do any shooting yourself.
>
> Brett++ :
> Declare the fault-less nature of ms-shoot, and it's compatibility with Foot
> formats. Show a screen shot of GPL-shoot running Foot.
>
> Tunney Script :
> Declare expertise in foot shooting. Claim possession of official foot
> shooting documentation. State lack of time. Declare nannying duties. Change
> subject. Foot remains un-shot.
>
> .DAVE :
> Declare unimportance of shooting foot. Assert the foot's own fault for
> being shot. Shoot your hand.
>
> JamieX :
> Swear at foot until it shoots you.
>
>
>
>
>

you bad

you missed village Idiot

Oh no more village idiot nominations required

 
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David Preece
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      12-01-2004
Collector»NZ wrote:
> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot


Objective-C:

[self shoot:foot withGun:[[NSColt45 alloc] init]];

You then spend the rest of the day debugging because: if there is no
foot the program fails silently; if the gun has no bullets the program
fails silently; if there is a foot but it doesn't respond to being shot
the program fails silently; there is a foot but at runtime another coder
has instantiated a different foot as a delegate of the foot you thought
you were shooting and you shoot that one instead; but if you fail to use
the correct combination of alloc,init,retain and/or release the program
gives a stream of highly precise warning messages along with "just leaking".

Experienced coders use the nib file to instantiate the foot, the gun,
ensure the gun is correctly referenced to the foot and that the foot has
been shot before the application has finished bouncing in the dock.

Dave
 
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Patrick Dunford
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Posts: n/a
 
      12-01-2004
In article <(E-Mail Removed)> in nz.comp on Wed,
01 Dec 2004 11:58:37 +1300, Lawrence D¹Oliveiro <ldo@geek-
central.gen.new_zealand> says...
> In article <(E-Mail Removed)>,
> Collector»NZ <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
>
> >COBOL
> >Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
> >ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN
> >return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

>
> Where did all those dots come from? COBOL used OF for qualification
> purposes the last time I used it (1985). Also no THENs. i.e.


Not an OO version of Cobol?

We didn't get any of that when I learned Cobol in 1996 ?


>

 
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Brendan
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      12-02-2004
On Fri, 03 Dec 2004 10:41:05 +1300, Gavin Tunney wrote:

> Ok Brendan, here we go.......


que Carmina Burana as background music, building slowly as our hero
monologues his purpose to the audience...

> This all started with a discussion on the Target program that featured PC
> technicians who couldn't diagnose simple hardware faults. Follows is the
> sentence I posted which got you going. All previous posts here are
> quoted verbatim so don't try & argue them.


Must have been on your mind a lot - I didn't bother remembering that much
of it. It's probably your persecution complex.

> "The faults they put on the PCs were ones which would be uncovered by
> following industry-standard diagnostic procedures, and should still have
> kept the bill at or near the minimum callout fee level."


You could be making it up. Why not provide messageID's for it so we can
look for ourselves ?

> And you replied to this with the following post.......
>
> "Do you have a url for these please ?"


I recall asking that some time later, after you declared you had copies of
the information from official sources, and that you would produce these
'when you had time' later on.

> To which I replied.....
>
> "URL for what?"
>
> And you replied.....
>
> "The industry standard proceedures. Please."
>
> And I replied...
>
> "Oh. No, you'll have to look for yourself.... I didn't learn how to fix
> PCs by browsing the 'net so can't give you any references there.


That is not correct - you have altered the context and left parts out.

Why not just produce the google groups URL, Gavin ? What are you trying to
hide ?

> I'm sure you'll find plenty of sites with good information on how to
> trouble-shoot PC problems... and I'm just as sure you'll find plenty of
> sites with bad information on the same subject."


lol

> And from there you started mouthing off, calling me full of **** & saying
> I claimed to have possession of official standards etc. That was over a
> year ago & you still haven't let it go.


Pity it's all just your say so.

Just post up the google url and let people decide for themselves.

> Do you know what an adjective is Brendan?
>
> "Standard" can be a noun or an adjective Brendan. When preceding a noun
> the word standard can have different meaning & context, ie "standard
> procedure" means a procedure which is commonly used. "standard" is not a
> noun there, it's an adjective.


Why are you wasting our time with this pedantic verbiage ?

> You can have a type of procedure, ie a diagnostic procedure, and if it is
> a commonly used diagnostic procedure then you could call it a standard
> diagnostic procedure. If the procedure happens to be used specifically
> within a certain industry then you could call it an industry standard
> diagnostic procedure, as in a procedure commonly used for diagnostics
> within a particular industry.


Are you trying to distract us from your lack of references Gavin ?

> Now I don't make any claims to being Webster Brendan, my English is
> adequate but by no means perfect. In case there was any confusion over a
> misplaced hyphen or a word in the wrong place etc I made it very clear
> in a follow up post *exactly* what I meant by the term
> "industry-standard diagnostic procedure".


Another ream of officious verbiage designed to distract.

> I'm not going to quote all of my posts here, but you can be sure I have a
> copy of them and they leave one in no doubt as to what I meant or said.


How do we know you are not leaving things out then ?

Something to hide ?

> Nowhere have I made any claims to having any official documentation,
> nowhere have I made any claims of there being any official "Industry
> Standard". I said there were standard procedures Brendan, look the words
> up in the dictionary.


Why not let people decide for themselves ? Why are you worried ?

> So you see Brendan, for the past 12months you've been stalking me at
> every opportunity,


Have not messaged you for months.

> and instead of scoring points & making yourself look good at my expense
> you've been shooting yourself in the foot.


This whole diatribe out of you is in response to a joke about shooting
oneself in the foot.

> I haven't replied to your taunting Brendan, because there was nothing to
> reply to. I never made any of the claims you attributed to me, there was
> no need for me to defend myself.


I think you ignored it because you knew you were wrong and wanted it to go
away. You had made some pretty stupid claims on other subjects at that
time IIRC.

> Initially I thought you understood what I was saying, and I did indeed
> post examples of the odd 'standard procedure' from time to time, like I
> said I would do. But then it became clear that you'd wandered wildly off
> on a tangent, so I did what any reasonable person would do... I ignored
> you in the hope you'd quietly put it behind you and move on. But that
> just hasn't happened has it Brendan, you've still got that chip on your
> shoulder.


No, I just think it's funny.

You refuse to produce references and let people decide for themselves.
Instead you provide your highly edited versions, bulked out with verbiage
and pedantry.

--

.... Brendan

CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. -- Ambrose Bierce

Note: All my comments are copyright 2/12/2004 1:42:25 p.m. and are opinion only where not otherwise stated and always "to the best of my recollection". www.computerman.orcon.net.nz.
 
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Brendan
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      12-02-2004
On Fri, 03 Dec 2004 09:43:21 +1300, Gavin Tunney wrote:

> On Wed, 1 Dec 2004 12:17:06 +1300, Brendan <(E-Mail Removed)>
> wrote:
>
>>Tunney Script :
>>Declare expertise in foot shooting. Claim possession of official foot
>>shooting documentation. State lack of time. Declare nannying duties. Change
>>subject. Foot remains un-shot.

>
> You just can't keep your big trap shut can you Brendan.


Says he with a stated desire to nanny the news group...

Might make it part of my sig since you liked it soo much.

>You were given
> ample opportunity to quietly withdraw from this without any
> recriminations, but you won't let it go..... you think you've got an
> advantage & you're going to push it for all it's worth.


I'm quaking in my boots. No, really I am. Between fits of laughter anyway.

>Unfortunately
> for you Brendan, you don't have any edge because you're in the wrong
> and have been from the beginning. I've never claimed possession of any
> official documentation Brendan, that particular claim is a figment of
> your imagination.


Then why did you delete them Gav ? Something to hide ?

> Well mate, you've pushed me once too often and it's time to end this.


Wow, it's just like a Swartzneggar film!

> It's rather ironic I'm posting in reply to a taunt about shooting
> oneself in the foot, because you're about to find out what the term
> hubris really means.


lol, you are quite a laugh when you get going.

> Google might not archive my posts Brendan, but others do. Watch this
> space, I'll be back soon.


"i'll be baak" - you're a real laugh Gav. Didn't know you had it in you.

Que the dramatic, end of film big fight music...

--

.... Brendan

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. -- Ambrose Bierce

Note: All my comments are copyright 2/12/2004 12:16:44 p.m. and are opinion only where not otherwise stated and always "to the best of my recollection". www.computerman.orcon.net.nz.
 
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