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More things to brighten your day..

 
 
The GHOST of WOGER.
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      06-15-2004
IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...

A patch wearing Mongrel Mob member walked into a local Auckland winz
office, and stomped straight up to the counter and said, Hey bro, I
hate living on the dole eh. I wanna find a job.

The fella behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We have
just got a job from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard
for his sex mad daughter.
You will have to drive around in a big blackMercedes, but the suits, shirts,
and ties are provided. Because there are long hours in this job, meals will
be
provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her
overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year."

The mobster picked his jaw up off the floor and said "You're bull
shitting me bro!"

The man behind the counter said, Well, you started it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another Blonde Joke.


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it
look like" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it=20
to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: something for monday

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks, "What for?"

She says, "I want to kill my husband"

He says, "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit - ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash you hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get of shower. Dry with towel the size of small country. Wrap hair
super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


B. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener
at her making the 'woo - woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound
in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding areas.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make shampoo mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull
of towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo - woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.





The Mistress:
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this
absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the
husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks
away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last
straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can
understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce
it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more
yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters
the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with
Him?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is
prettier," she replies.

 
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Nicholas Sherlock
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      06-15-2004
The GHOST of WOGER. wrote:
> IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...
> [...]


Thanks, Roger! There were some good ones in there I hadn't heard yet...
forwarded them on to my address book .

Cheers,
Nicholas Sherlock


 
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~misfit~
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      06-15-2004
Nicholas Sherlock wrote:
> The GHOST of WOGER. wrote:
>> IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...
>> [...]

>
> Thanks, Roger! There were some good ones in there I hadn't heard
> yet... forwarded them on to my address book .


Is this one of the very few times I wish I didn't have woger in my killfile?
--
~misfit~


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.706 / Virus Database: 462 - Release Date: 14/06/2004


 
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Dogg
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      06-15-2004
On Wed, 16 Jun 2004 11:01:48 +1200, "~misfit~"
<(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:

<snip>

>Is this one of the very few times I wish I didn't have woger in my killfile?


I wouldn't go that far...
 
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cowboyz
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      06-16-2004
~misfit~ wrote:
> Nicholas Sherlock wrote:
>> The GHOST of WOGER. wrote:
>>> IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...
>>> [...]

>>
>> Thanks, Roger! There were some good ones in there I hadn't heard
>> yet... forwarded them on to my address book .

>
> Is this one of the very few times I wish I didn't have woger in my
> killfile?



No.


 
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~misfit~
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      06-16-2004
cowboyz wrote:
> ~misfit~ wrote:
>> Nicholas Sherlock wrote:
>>> The GHOST of WOGER. wrote:
>>>> IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...
>>>> [...]
>>>
>>> Thanks, Roger! There were some good ones in there I hadn't heard
>>> yet... forwarded them on to my address book .

>>
>> Is this one of the very few times I wish I didn't have woger in my
>> killfile?

>
>
> No.


LOL, Cool.
--
~misfit~


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.706 / Virus Database: 462 - Release Date: 14/06/2004


 
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G.Force
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      06-16-2004
~misfit~ wrote:
> Nicholas Sherlock wrote:
>
>>The GHOST of WOGER. wrote:
>>
>>> IN AN AUCKLAND WINZ OFFICE ...
>>>[...]

>>
>>Thanks, Roger! There were some good ones in there I hadn't heard
>>yet... forwarded them on to my address book .

>
>
> Is this one of the very few times I wish I didn't have woger in my killfile?


Only if you want to start seeing off-topic crap again

 
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