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[OT] Sunday Classics

 
 
Bigus Diİkus
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Posts: n/a
 
      03-13-2006
I'd like to thank Thor for this link. http://www.dumb.com/laws.htm I highly
doubt that many of these are true.

There are 1000's of them, here are a few from CA that I though were a bit
over the edge.

--A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who
detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
$500???? In exchange for Millions of dollars of damage? No wonder Terrorists
won't hit us...it's the hefty fines they're avoiding.

--Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern,
school, or place of worship.
What, afraid the Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests will join in?

--Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place
without its master on a leash."
Talk about Animal Control.

--Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own
at least two cows.
But what if you kill one of the cows to make the boots?

--Giving or receiving oral $ex is prohibited.
D@mnit!!!!!

--In California it is illegal to have caller ID
Are you fsuking serious?

--In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
Oops!

--In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather
belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his
wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior
to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
Whooo Hoooo!!!!

Doh!!!

--In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have $ex
without a permit.
Why would a cat have $ex with a dog? Or vice versa. And if they did, where
would they go to get the license?

--It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle,
unless the target is a whale.
Uh huh....Let's go Clem...grab yer rifle, we're huntin us some whale for
supper.

--Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String"
There goes the party!

--Toads may not be licked
D@mnit!!

--Zoot suits are prohibited.
Thank Ghod!!

--Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
Ya know, for there to be a law against this, someone had to have done it!
Fsuking Perverts!!

--No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
I'd hate to be the passenger in that car.

--One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
It's frigging lunch time!!!! I suppose we should drag it?

--Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her
boss.
D@mned if ya do, d@mned if ya don't.

--Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
And just who is the classifying official?

--Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a
lantern is wallking ahead of it.
Now I understand it's from the late 1800s, but if the guy walking is faster,
what's the point?

--San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances
guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
They always were the fruitiest.

--It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear
Who the fsuk does this?

--Women may not drive in a house coat.
But I suppose nekid would be ok? Oh, I see their point.

--
Bigus Diİkus
--A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any
highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or
unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The
provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than
sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."

Ewwwwe.....*shivers*



 
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lowdes
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      03-13-2006
Shut up


"Bigus Diİkus" <BigusDiİkus@127.0.0.1> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed)...
> I'd like to thank Thor for this link. http://www.dumb.com/laws.htm I
> highly
> doubt that many of these are true.
>
> There are 1000's of them, here are a few from CA that I though were a bit
> over the edge.
>
> --A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who
> detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
> $500???? In exchange for Millions of dollars of damage? No wonder
> Terrorists
> won't hit us...it's the hefty fines they're avoiding.
>
> --Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern,
> school, or place of worship.
> What, afraid the Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests will join in?
>
> --Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place
> without its master on a leash."
> Talk about Animal Control.
>
> --Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already
> own
> at least two cows.
> But what if you kill one of the cows to make the boots?
>
> --Giving or receiving oral $ex is prohibited.
> D@mnit!!!!!
>
> --In California it is illegal to have caller ID
> Are you fsuking serious?
>
> --In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
> Oops!
>
> --In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather
> belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has
> his
> wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given
> prior
> to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
> Whooo Hoooo!!!!
>
> Doh!!!
>
> --In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have $ex
> without a permit.
> Why would a cat have $ex with a dog? Or vice versa. And if they did,
> where
> would they go to get the license?
>
> --It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle,
> unless the target is a whale.
> Uh huh....Let's go Clem...grab yer rifle, we're huntin us some whale for
> supper.
>
> --Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String"
> There goes the party!
>
> --Toads may not be licked
> D@mnit!!
>
> --Zoot suits are prohibited.
> Thank Ghod!!
>
> --Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
> Ya know, for there to be a law against this, someone had to have done it!
> Fsuking Perverts!!
>
> --No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
> I'd hate to be the passenger in that car.
>
> --One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
> It's frigging lunch time!!!! I suppose we should drag it?
>
> --Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her
> boss.
> D@mned if ya do, d@mned if ya don't.
>
> --Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
> And just who is the classifying official?
>
> --Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with
> a
> lantern is wallking ahead of it.
> Now I understand it's from the late 1800s, but if the guy walking is
> faster,
> what's the point?
>
> --San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have
> ordinances
> guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
> They always were the fruitiest.
>
> --It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear
> Who the fsuk does this?
>
> --Women may not drive in a house coat.
> But I suppose nekid would be ok? Oh, I see their point.
>
> --
> Bigus Diİkus
> --A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on
> any
> highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers
> or
> unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The
> provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less
> than
> sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female
> horses."
>
> Ewwwwe.....*shivers*
>
>
>



 
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NSFW
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      03-13-2006

"Bigus Diİkus" <BigusDiİkus@127.0.0.1> wrote

> --A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who
> detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
> $500???? In exchange for Millions of dollars of damage? No wonder
> Terrorists
> won't hit us...it's the hefty fines they're avoiding.


Ah, you're not thinking like a criminal. According to this, it's OK to
detonate a nuclear device, as long as you are OUTSIDE of the city limits.
Whoohoo! Also, assuming the law enforcement and all officers are within the
city limits, I suspect there won't be anyone left around to write the
ticket.

> --Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern,
> school, or place of worship.
> What, afraid the Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests will join in?


Again, not thinking of the opportunity this brings...Either that, or you're
from PETA.
You see, what this means is... Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests CAN mate
publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship, and in
fact I encourage them to do so frequently and with each other.

> --Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place
> without its master on a leash."
> Talk about Animal Control.


This law is ambiguous. Is the dog supposed to be on a leash, or is it's
master supposed to be on a leash?

> --Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already
> own
> at least two cows.
> But what if you kill one of the cows to make the boots?


This law is ambiguous. What if you own parts from two cows? For example, if
you have two hamburgers, OR, just the heads...

> --Giving or receiving oral $ex is prohibited.
> D@mnit!!!!!


Another opportunity here, disguised as a boolean operator... You see, it
does not prohibit giving AND receiving, only giving OR receiving. It's one
of those selfishness prohibitions that regards you to tend to your partners
needs.

> --In California it is illegal to have caller ID
> Are you fsuking serious?


Well, you can have caller ID, but it won't work, the telco doesn't send the
bits.

> --In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
> Oops!


Gotta be B.S., someone just threw a baby onto the railroad tracks in LA, and
they didn't have a hunting license, or have to pay for littering.

>
> --In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather
> belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has
> his
> wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given
> prior
> to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
> Whooo Hoooo!!!!


Quick: I need a wife... and a belt... and a ruler.

> --In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have $ex
> without a permit.
> Why would a cat have $ex with a dog? Or vice versa. And if they did,
> where
> would they go to get the license?


Clearly, it's a typographical error. Permit should have read Kermit.

> --It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle,
> unless the target is a whale.
> Uh huh....Let's go Clem...grab yer rifle, we're huntin us some whale for
> supper.


Well, if it's only a misdemeanor, and the city council is fair 'game'....

>
> --Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String"
> There goes the party!


Damn right, the stuff should have been outlawed years ago. I lost my eye to
silly string.

>
> --Toads may not be licked
> D@mnit!!


Opportunity: Does not prohibit suckling, groping, cuddling, and saying
supportive, nurturing things to toads.

> --Zoot suits are prohibited.
> Thank Ghod!!


Opportunity: I can still wear my pink Power Rangers costume.

> --Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
> Ya know, for there to be a law against this, someone had to have done it!
> Fsuking Perverts!!


Opportunity: The law makes no mention of caterpillars.

> --No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
> I'd hate to be the passenger in that car.


Unfortunate: An airplane is a vehicle without a driver, and must exceed 60
mph in order to leave the ground.

> --One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
> It's frigging lunch time!!!! I suppose we should drag it?


"May not". It means, you might, you might not.

Of course, you can carry a lunch UP the street.

Also, who needs to carry it, when you can throw it, or better yet, detonate
it.

> --Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her
> boss.
> D@mned if ya do, d@mned if ya don't.


Opportunity: Threesomes.


> --Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
> And just who is the classifying official?


Opportunity: Job opening.

> --Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with
> a
> lantern is wallking ahead of it.
> Now I understand it's from the late 1800s, but if the guy walking is
> faster,
> what's the point?


In the 1800s, a guy COULD walk faster than most motor vehicles.

> --San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have
> ordinances
> guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
> They always were the fruitiest.


Well, they can say a lot about San Francisco.

>
> --It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear
> Who the fsuk does this?


Opportunity to sell new underwear.

>
> --Women may not drive in a house coat.
> But I suppose nekid would be ok? Oh, I see their point.


Opportunity: Fewer women drivers.

> --
> Bigus Diİkus
> --A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on
> any
> highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers
> or
> unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The
> provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less
> than
> sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female
> horses."
>
> Ewwwwe.....*shivers*


Opportunity: Free females on the highway in Kentucky for anyone who can take
a club away from a girl.

Speciesism. Goats deserve to wear bathing suits. See: PETA.

Microcephalic S. Bob

This message brought to you by:
Carl
Penelope
Pinapple
And the number 8.



 
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Bigus Diİkus
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      03-14-2006
**NSFW's** the one who fcukin said it
<<-------------------------------->>
> "Bigus Diİkus" <BigusDiİkus@127.0.0.1> wrote
>
>> --A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone
>> who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
>> $500???? In exchange for Millions of dollars of damage? No wonder
>> Terrorists
>> won't hit us...it's the hefty fines they're avoiding.

>
> Ah, you're not thinking like a criminal. According to this, it's OK to
> detonate a nuclear device, as long as you are OUTSIDE of the city
> limits. Whoohoo! Also, assuming the law enforcement and all officers
> are within the city limits, I suspect there won't be anyone left
> around to write the ticket.
>

It really wouldn't matter if they were inside or outside the city limits,
because there still wouldn't be anyone to write the ticket.

>> --Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a
>> tavern, school, or place of worship.
>> What, afraid the Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests will join in?

>
> Again, not thinking of the opportunity this brings...Either that, or
> you're from PETA.
> You see, what this means is... Drunks, School Teachers, and Priests
> CAN mate publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of
> worship, and in fact I encourage them to do so frequently and with
> each other.

I'm actually from PITA, but I digress....have you ever seen drunks fsuk?
Being a drunk fsuking another drunk is one thing, but if you're sober
watching 2 drunks go at it you'll never have the same perspective. School
Teacher...ok, I can agree with that, but only if they're both female. But
as for the priests....that's just wrong...last I recall Priests had to be
male.

>> --Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public
>> place without its master on a leash."
>> Talk about Animal Control.

>
> This law is ambiguous. Is the dog supposed to be on a leash, or is
> it's master supposed to be on a leash?
>

That was the point of this post.

>> --Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you
>> already own
>> at least two cows.
>> But what if you kill one of the cows to make the boots?

>
> This law is ambiguous. What if you own parts from two cows? For
> example, if you have two hamburgers, OR, just the heads...
>

I guess you would be ok....as long as the heads aren't between the
buns...then there is something wrong with you and you shouldn't be owning
anything but a straight jacket.

>> --Giving or receiving oral $ex is prohibited.
>> D@mnit!!!!!

>
> Another opportunity here, disguised as a boolean operator... You see,
> it does not prohibit giving AND receiving, only giving OR receiving.
> It's one of those selfishness prohibitions that regards you to tend
> to your partners needs.
>

LMFAO...never thought about Boolean $ex

>> --In California it is illegal to have caller ID
>> Are you fsuking serious?

>
> Well, you can have caller ID, but it won't work, the telco doesn't
> send the bits.
>

Are you forgetting about Cell phones? Whenever someone calls me the number
always comes up.

>> --In California you may not set a mouse trap without a hunting
>> license. Oops!

>
> Gotta be B.S., someone just threw a baby onto the railroad tracks in
> LA, and they didn't have a hunting license, or have to pay for
> littering.

I think the charges for the Baby Tossing will be a little steeper than just
littering....although that might be included. besides...Midget Tossing is
legal in these parts.

>>
>> --In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a
>> leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches,
>> unless he has his
>> wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be
>> given prior
>> to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
>> Whooo Hoooo!!!!

>
> Quick: I need a wife... and a belt... and a ruler.
>

And a Legal Document for her to sign.

>> --In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to
>> have $ex without a permit.
>> Why would a cat have $ex with a dog? Or vice versa. And if they did,
>> where
>> would they go to get the license?

>
> Clearly, it's a typographical error. Permit should have read Kermit.
>

You're comparing Pigs & Frogs to Cats & Dogs...not the same thing at all.

>> --It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving
>> vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
>> Uh huh....Let's go Clem...grab yer rifle, we're huntin us some whale
>> for supper.

>
> Well, if it's only a misdemeanor, and the city council is fair
> 'game'....

Can Gang Bangers be considered 'game'? I'd take the misdemeanor...h3ll, I'd
take 500 misdemeanors.

>>
>> --Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String"
>> There goes the party!

>
> Damn right, the stuff should have been outlawed years ago. I lost my
> eye to silly string.
>

Um....that wasn't silly string....Oh, BTW...thanks... ,-)

>>
>> --Toads may not be licked
>> D@mnit!!

>
> Opportunity: Does not prohibit suckling, groping, cuddling, and saying
> supportive, nurturing things to toads.
>

Or reacharounds

>> --Zoot suits are prohibited.
>> Thank Ghod!!

>
> Opportunity: I can still wear my pink Power Rangers costume.
>

Ok, you really should have kept *that one* to yourself.

>> --Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
>> Ya know, for there to be a law against this, someone had to have
>> done it! Fsuking Perverts!!

>
> Opportunity: The law makes no mention of caterpillars.
>

You ever try to fit your D!İK in the tank of one of those? WhoooooEeeeee

>> --No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
>> I'd hate to be the passenger in that car.

>
> Unfortunate: An airplane is a vehicle without a driver, and must
> exceed 60 mph in order to leave the ground.
>

Then I guess that would include Motorcycles, too.

>> --One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
>> It's frigging lunch time!!!! I suppose we should drag it?

>
> "May not". It means, you might, you might not.
>
> Of course, you can carry a lunch UP the street.
>
> Also, who needs to carry it, when you can throw it, or better yet,
> detonate it.
>

LMFAO....UP the street.....IFRH (I'm fsukin Rollin Here)

>> --Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with
>> her boss.
>> D@mned if ya do, d@mned if ya don't.

>
> Opportunity: Threesomes.
>
>

Room for a cameraman?

>> --Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
>> And just who is the classifying official?

>
> Opportunity: Job opening.
>

You're hired!

>> --Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a
>> man with a
>> lantern is wallking ahead of it.
>> Now I understand it's from the late 1800s, but if the guy walking is
>> faster,
>> what's the point?

>
> In the 1800s, a guy COULD walk faster than most motor vehicles.
>

Right.....

>> --San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have
>> ordinances
>> guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
>> They always were the fruitiest.

>
> Well, they can say a lot about San Francisco.
>

And I've found most of it is correct.

>>
>> --It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear
>> Who the fsuk does this?

>
> Opportunity to sell new underwear.
>

What if you're caught *after* you wipe the car?

>>
>> --Women may not drive in a house coat.
>> But I suppose nekid would be ok? Oh, I see their point.

>
> Opportunity: Fewer women drivers.
>

But that would leave less for us guys to look at.

>> --
>> Bigus Diİkus
>> --A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit
>> on any
>> highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two
>> officers or
>> unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The
>> provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing
>> less than
>> sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female
>> horses."
>>
>> Ewwwwe.....*shivers*

>
> Opportunity: Free females on the highway in Kentucky for anyone who
> can take a club away from a girl.
>
> Speciesism. Goats deserve to wear bathing suits. See: PETA.
>
> Microcephalic S. Bob
>
> This message brought to you by:
> Carl
> Penelope
> Pinapple
> And the number 8.


--
Bigus Diİkus
--Um, yes....I'll take a number 8 please.


 
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