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John Lewis
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Posts: n/a
 
      11-16-2007
On Thu, 15 Nov 2007 23:15:27 -0000, "Rex" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:

>http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm
>
>
>A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three
>years on probation.
>
>Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by
>conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
>
>Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for
>three years.
>
>Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom
>at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
>
>Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the
>door several times and there was no reply.
>
>"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
>accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
>
>"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if
>to simulate sex."
>
>Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who
>called police.
>
>Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I
>thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a
>new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
>
>Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding
>after he had too much to drink.
>
>The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving
>from his council house in Girvan.
>
>He now lives in Ayr.
>
>


Which part of the bike was the receptacle for his affections?

John Lewis

 
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Tony McChrystal
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      11-16-2007
On 16 Nov, 05:51, (E-Mail Removed) (John Lewis) wrote:

> >Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding
> >after he had too much to drink.

>
> >The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving
> >from his council house in Girvan.

>
> >He now lives in Ayr.

>
> Which part of the bike was the receptacle for his affections?


He pretty much covered the entire frame with his affection.

Housekeeping were not amused.
 
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nigel
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      11-16-2007
Rex wrote:

> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm


The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence
was committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get
the charges laughed out of court.

 
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Joe Horowitz
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      11-16-2007

"nigel" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed)...
> The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
> catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence was
> committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get the
> charges laughed out of court.


AWTWP. Similarly, any half-decent cleaner should have been able to get the
jizz out of the derailers without making a fuss.


--
Joe

"I am the fat puddin', but a single puddingness" - Vicky Conlan


 
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Chris Malcolm
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      11-16-2007
In rec.photo.digital nigel <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
> Rex wrote:


>> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm


> The cops in Scotland must be really really short of real criminals to
> catch. I'm not an expert on the law, but I can't see that any offence
> was committed, and any half-decent lawyer should have been able to get
> the charges laughed out of court.


The bicycle hired a very expensive lawyer and is suing for
damages. Nobody wants a ****ed bicycle.

--
Chris Malcolm http://www.velocityreviews.com/forums/(E-Mail Removed) DoD #205
IPAB, Informatics, JCMB, King's Buildings, Edinburgh, EH9 3JZ, UK
[http://www.dai.ed.ac.uk/homes/cam/]

 
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Sid
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      11-16-2007
Chris Malcolm <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in news:5q5ijoFu4ie3U4
@mid.individual.net:


> The bicycle hired a very expensive lawyer and is suing for
> damages. Nobody wants a ****ed bicycle.


I want mine to at least be screwed right.

Sid
 
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ChrisM
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Posts: n/a
 
      11-16-2007
In message (E-Mail Removed),
Rex <(E-Mail Removed)> Proclaimed from the tallest tower:

> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm
>
>
> A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced
> to three years on probation.
>
> Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the
> peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
>
> Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders
> Register for three years.
>
> Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his
> bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
>
> Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on
> the door several times and there was no reply.
>
> "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
> accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
>
> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth
> as if to simulate sex."
>
> Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager
> who called police.
>
> Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law
> I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but
> this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
>
> Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a
> misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
>
> The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after
> moving from his council house in Girvan.
>
> He now lives in Ayr.


So in a nutshell, (putting aside the bicycle which I must admit is a little
odd!) some guy(who may be a little bit lonely) was having a w**k in his own
(hostel)bedroom behind a LOCKED door.
The cleaners let themselves into HIS PRIVATE room whilst this was
happening...

If ANYONE is in breach of the law here, I'd have thought it was the
cleaners!


--
Regards,
Chris.
(Remove Elvis's shoes to email me)


 
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Sir Benjamin Nunn
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Posts: n/a
 
      11-16-2007

"mack" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed)...

>> Hey as long as the bike wasn't under age I have no problem with
>> whatever two consenting adults do in private.

>
> Untold in this news story is whether the bicycle was a men's or ladies'
> model. Unless it was the latter, this guy was clearly bi(ke)sexual.



More importantly, we don't know if it was a straight or a gay bike.

If it was a gay bike, with a big leather saddle, I think that's actually
still against the law in Scotland.

BTN


 
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Walter Mitty
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Posts: n/a
 
      11-16-2007
"ChrisM" <(E-Mail Removed)> writes:

> In message (E-Mail Removed),
> Rex <(E-Mail Removed)> Proclaimed from the tallest tower:
>
>> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm
>>
>>
>> A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced
>> to three years on probation.
>>
>> Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the
>> peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
>>
>> Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders
>> Register for three years.
>>
>> Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his
>> bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
>>
>> Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on
>> the door several times and there was no reply.
>>
>> "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the
>> accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
>>
>> "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth
>> as if to simulate sex."
>>
>> Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager
>> who called police.
>>
>> Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law
>> I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but
>> this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
>>
>> Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a
>> misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
>>
>> The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after
>> moving from his council house in Girvan.
>>
>> He now lives in Ayr.

>
> So in a nutshell, (putting aside the bicycle which I must admit is a little
> odd!) some guy(who may be a little bit lonely) was having a w**k in his own
> (hostel)bedroom behind a LOCKED door.
> The cleaners let themselves into HIS PRIVATE room whilst this was
> happening...
>
> If ANYONE is in breach of the law here, I'd have thought it was the
> cleaners!


I wonder if the same idiot police could arrest you for cracking one out
under the duvet?

"Sex pest harrasses sheet covers. On sex offenders list for 10 years".

The world has gone mad.
 
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nigel
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      11-16-2007
Rex wrote:

> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/...st/7095134.stm


Steve MacClaren was photographed in Austria next to a snow-covered
bicycle. When asked whether the two were having an affair, he replied
"No, it's frigid".


 
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