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OT: Attn Ken B and FrisbeeŽŠ

 
 
Network Guru
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      07-07-2005
Well I am in pursuit of a female via the online route. I need to answer
three questions selected from a pool of potential questions.... These are
the questions:

1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

2) Describe your parents relationship with one another

3)What do you find physically attractive


I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that will
make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do a knowledge
transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you guys a case of
Yuengling beer.


 
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Guest
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      07-07-2005

"Network Guru" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:%(E-Mail Removed)...
> Well I am in pursuit of a female via the online route. I need to answer
> three questions selected from a pool of potential questions.... These are
> the questions:


> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that will
> make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do a
> knowledge transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you guys a
> case of Yuengling beer.


I have no idea what kind of beer this is, but I'd be game to try it. I'll do
this, and then I'll call you a fink and a liar if you renig on your
Youngling Beer. If you don't like my initial answers, I'm open to creating
new ones.

Also, if you get an actual 4 dimensional chick through your modem, let me
know. So far, all I get are these two dimensional ones. They are really
HAWT, but the papercuts from the printer are killing my libido.

Now.... keeping in mind "imaginative" and "creative".....
------------------------------------------------------------------

> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.


1. I wish all of the chinese women would grow goat heads and develop
cravings for pancreas.
2. I wish Copernicus would die again, only this time, it would be really
slow and painful.
3. I wish lava came in different flavors, like Mint, Spumoni, or Spicy
Armadillo.

> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another


My parents are fat, old enough to be my parents, and in their relationship,
they watch TV and they eat stuff -- I guess that's how they got fat. I know
for a fact that they had sex at least once, because I found the photos on
UglyPeople.com. My dad yells and screams alot when he doesn't get his way,
and his man-boobs jiggle when he's angry. My mom watches Dr. Phil, and
later on assumes she knows all that Dr. Phil knows. My dad screams at my mom
alot, mostly to shut up when he's trying to watch TV, occasionally when she
hasn't brought him enough food to stay fat, and probably when he wants to
have sex while eating and watching TV.

If you and I got together, we'd have a relationship like that, only, with a
better TV, no Dr. Phil allowed, and you can't be fat or old enough to be my
parents. I don't have man boobs yet, so you'll have to stick around long
enough for them to grow.

> 3)What do you find physically attractive


You, bitch. Every damn thing about you is the shiznit. You are the lollypop
I like to lick, the gravy overflowing on my mcnugget, the meaty beef magnet
to my magnificent meat puppet. Yo booty, yo boobies, yo tutti fruity, you
are the little cutey. From those twinkly little toes to the point on that
little nose, everything about you is worthy of my prose -- as long as after
the movie you're the one who blows the hose.

Of course, the above is only true if you have the face of a supermodel, the
proportions of a porn star, the attention span and intellect of a 13 year
old, have yet to spend your inheritance, and are willing to elope without a
prenuptual agreement. Oh, and you must like spankings. These things are
important, or you disgust me. Women with values or self-esteem need not
apply.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope that helps!


Microcephalic S. Bob
http://www.roblindman.com/ - I spent $5 to renew the domain, just so I could
type this line, and so Microsoft could tell you they don't trust my website
just because I used their technology.



 
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Briscobar
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      07-07-2005
In news:#(E-Mail Removed),
Network Guru <(E-Mail Removed)> rambled:
>
> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that
> will make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do
> a knowledge transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you
> guys a case of Yuengling beer.


NG, I appreciate the offer. But that won't be necessary. I'll help you out
anyway, since I am the Wilt Chamberlain of the short-white-guy world.

> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.


Seeing as you're trying to attract chicks, this is what you go with:
1. I wish the starving in Ethiopia would stop. They need potatoes.
2. I wish international terrorism would stop.
3. I'd wish for more wishes, because world peace hasn't been acheived, and
neither has a cure for cancer.

Chicks dig a dude who's greedy with his wishes. I mean, a dude who's in
touch with the world's needs.

> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another


Simply answer that your father was an absentee dad for one reason or another
(saying he died in prison when you were 8 is good), and that your childhood
wasn't so great, but that you love and respect your mom for being a single
mother. And that you'd never put your kids through what you went through.
Something like that. Play the pity card, but be a stand-up guy about it. If
your dad isn't actually dead, you may want to consider killing him if you do
end up in a relationship with one of these virtual ladies. If she meets him,
your cover is blown. Unless he's your stepdad. Then it's all good.

> 3)What do you find physically attractive


This should be easy. Say that you love all women. Chicks don't believe that,
so you have to provide details in order to convince them. Say that you love
the way a woman smells, talks, walks, sucks...er, maybe leave that one out.
But be honest about race. For example, if you're a racist, you don't want to
end up with a Black chick, ya know? If you got no problems about race, make
up a problem. This will instantly narrow the pool down to a manageable
number.

I hope my advice has been helpful.


On a serious note, good luck. I wish I had actual, real advice for you, but
I'm afraid I don't. I'd tell you just to be honest and open, as that would
probably make you stand out from the crowd, but people seem put off by too
much information up front, so I don't know what to tell you, man. Good luck.

--
KB

MCNGP #26
Please to be click www.mcngp.com. Rgs!



 
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FrisbeeŽ
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      07-07-2005
"Network Guru" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:%(E-Mail Removed)...
> Well I am in pursuit of a female via the online route. I need to answer
> three questions selected from a pool of potential questions.... These are
> the questions:
>
> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.


List to impress the female:

1) An eternity to spend with you.
2) and 3) not necessary

Honest list:

1) Omnipotence and Omniscience
2) and 3) not necessary

> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another


Answer to impress the female:

My parents were high school sweethearts, and that continued through
college. They raised my siblings and I will a loving firm hand, and
encouraged and nurtured us as we went through life.

Honest answer:

My mother was a crack wh0re and my father an abusive alcoholic with a s3x
addition, which is what brought them together. They had lots of children
since they didn't have a clue about birth control, and it was great having
tax deductions, free child labor, and punching bags around.

> 3)What do you find physically attractive


Answer to impress the female:

The soul.

Honest answer:

HUGE knockers.

> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that will
> make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do a
> knowledge transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you guys a
> case of Yuengling beer.


Submit both entries. Surely one will get you a nice match. You might also
consider mixing and matching the three answers.


 
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kpg
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      07-07-2005
This is why no one talks to you.

 
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JaR
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      07-07-2005
In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, <!-- Freedom is The F-Word --> <? echo
"General Microcephalic S. Bob"; ?> <!-- Antisocial Interfaces --> // 270-
290-291-293-294-298-299 spewed across the ether:

> and so Microsoft could tell you they don't trust my website
> just because I used their technology.
>


C|N>K

--
JaR
Thug 10110
MCNGP.com/amused
 
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=?Utf-8?B?RXZpbEdlZWtHaXJs?=
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      07-07-2005
> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.
-For Network Guru to stop looking for girls, cuz obviously they don't like you
-For Network Guru to understand that you DONT find anyone decent online
-For Network Guru to shut up, and come back to the real world where actual
people go out to bars/clubs/and other venues looking for girls/guys

> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another


Completely dysfunctional

> 3)What do you find physically attractive


A Diet Coke bottle



> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that will
> make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do a knowledge
> transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you guys a case of
> Yuengling beer.


Here's some advice, stop trying to so hard
 
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FrisbeeŽ
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      07-07-2005
"EvilGeekGirl" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in message
news:(E-Mail Removed)...
>> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

> -For Network Guru to stop looking for girls, cuz obviously they don't like
> you


Ouch

> -For Network Guru to understand that you DONT find anyone decent online


My wife and I disagree with this statement.

> -For Network Guru to shut up, and come back to the real world where actual
> people go out to bars/clubs/and other venues looking for girls/guys


People who don't frequent bars/clubs/and other venues need lovin' too.

>> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another

>
> Completely dysfunctional


Who's isn't?

>> 3)What do you find physically attractive

>
> A Diet Coke bottle


Oh my. GIFS!!1!11!!!!

>> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that will
>> make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do a
>> knowledge
>> transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you guys a case of
>> Yuengling beer.

>
> Here's some advice, stop trying to so hard


NG, aren't you nearing your catch limit?


 
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Neil
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      07-07-2005
did you hear =?Utf-8?B?RXZpbEdlZWtHaXJs?= <(E-Mail Removed)> say in
news:(E-Mail Removed):

> stop trying to so hard
>


so then, you're available for NG?

--
Neil MCNGP#30

- Confucius say: Familiarity breed attempt
 
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JaR
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      07-07-2005
In microsoft.public.cert.exam.mcse, =?Utf-8?B?RXZpbEdlZWtHaXJs?= spewed
across the ether:

>> 1) If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.

> -For Network Guru to stop looking for girls, cuz obviously they don't
> like you -For Network Guru to understand that you DONT find anyone
> decent online -For Network Guru to shut up, and come back to the real
> world where actual people go out to bars/clubs/and other venues
> looking for girls/guys


Man! Even with that stinky bait, NG's just reeelin' 'em in today.

>
>> 2) Describe your parents relationship with one another

>
> Completely dysfunctional


It ain't love without a restraining order.[1]
>
>> 3)What do you find physically attractive

>
> A Diet Coke bottle
>


2 liter? Yow!

>
>
>> I need assistance composing something imaginative and creative that
>> will make me stand out from the crowd If you guys are willing to do
>> a knowledge transfer, I would be very happy....Will even buy you
>> guys a case of Yuengling beer.

>
> Here's some advice, stop trying to so hard


You should ask him about shoe shines.

[1] $.50 to someone.

--
JaR
Remove hat to reply
*This Space For Rent*
 
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