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My goldfish

 
 
Evan Platt
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Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
On Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:17:00 +0200, "Dr. Bill"
<(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:

>You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet to treat my goldfish, now
>wouldn't we!?
>http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg


This fool has the solution to the whole Top / Bottom posting argument.

The solution: MIDDLE POST.
--
To reply via e-mail, remove The Obvious from my e-mail address.
 
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John Holmes
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Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
Evan Platt "contributed" in 24hoursupport.helpdesk:

> On Mon, 2 Jul 2007 17:17:00 +0200, "Dr. Bill"
> <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote:
>
>>You stupid ****!, we wouldn't want some local vet to treat my
>>goldfish, now wouldn't we!?
>>http://cvm.msu.edu/courses/AP/bessie/Image6.jpg

>
> This fool has the solution to the whole Top / Bottom posting argument.
>
> The solution: MIDDLE POST.


Also known as quoting, you roguish, gnarling farthead.

--
Your mother was a bloodthirsty dope who came to terms with her sexuality
on a farm.


 
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Call Me The Goldfish Tamer
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
"Dr. Bill" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in
news:4689031d$0$1873$(E-Mail Removed)4al l.nl:
>
> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
> for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a ****ing vet!
> What can I do, besides flushing the poor ****er down
> the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!



Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
it makes me want to puke up overboard.

I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
"to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.

I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.

I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.

Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!

I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
"Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!

--

http://www.misternicehands.com/

(Click on either hand...)

If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
makes a lot of sense...

then, you *might* be a Republican!
 
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sammy
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will come
over and examine the fish for you.


"Call Me The Goldfish Tamer" <glug-glug@nd_now_jump.see> wrote in message
news:Xns9961917BF874BDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
> "Dr. Bill" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in
> news:4689031d$0$1873$(E-Mail Removed)4al l.nl:
>>
>> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
>> for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a ****ing vet!
>> What can I do, besides flushing the poor ****er down
>> the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
>> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

>
>
> Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
> it makes me want to puke up overboard.
>
> I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
> dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
> fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
> "to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
> suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
> parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
> protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.
>
> I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
> to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
> that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
> too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
> make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
> He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
> while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
> I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
> in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.
>
> If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
> to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
> boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
> and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
> the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.
>
> I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
> God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
> fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.
>
> Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
> work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
> a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
> kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
> been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
> that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
> our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
> when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!
>
> I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
> measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
> "Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!
>
> --
>
> http://www.misternicehands.com/
>
> (Click on either hand...)
>
> If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
> but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
> makes a lot of sense...
>
> then, you *might* be a Republican!



 
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olfart
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007

"sammy" <sammy@toast> wrote in message
news:46895ba6$0$20560$(E-Mail Removed)...
> relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will
> come over and examine the fish for you.
>
>

I'll send my Dog too.
Free LAB test and a CAT Scan


 
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Clogwog
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
"sammy" <sammy@toast> schreef in bericht
news:46895ba6$0$20560$(E-Mail Removed)...
> relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy to you, doc) will
> come over and examine the fish for you.


Curiosity might kill the cat! You toppoasting moron!
http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/cat_fish.jpg

>
> "Call Me The Goldfish Tamer" <glug-glug@nd_now_jump.see> wrote in message
> news:Xns9961917BF874BDRiVEBYESLY@216.151.153.13...
>> "Dr. Bill" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in
>> news:4689031d$0$1873$(E-Mail Removed)4al l.nl:
>>>
>>> My goldfish, a veiltail, is swimming upside down
>>> for two days now. I'm a doctor, but not a ****ing vet!
>>> What can I do, besides flushing the poor ****er down
>>> the toilet? I think he has some kind of intestinal disease,
>>> huge farts in his belly, he can't get rid of? Advice please!

>>
>>
>> Pepto-Bismol would probably kill him for sure... I know
>> it makes me want to puke up overboard.
>>
>> I sincerely feel your pain, reminisient of when my first
>> dear pet goldfish passed on from this life and went away to
>> fish heaven when God called him home. (My dogs always went
>> "to the farm" but my fish always went to "fish heaven.") I
>> suspect the sarcophagus had a flush lever on it, and my
>> parents were only trying to keep it honest but real and
>> protect me from the ways of the world that were yet to come.
>>
>> I only had him out in the front yard for a little while trying
>> to teach him to play fetch. He just flopped around and made
>> that fish-thing with his mouth, silently saying "What? I'm
>> too good to chase and fetch! I just want to swim around and
>> make bubbles all the time! Why don't you just get a dog?"
>> He wouldn't even *try* to follow the frisbee! So, after a
>> while I just put him back in his tank and asked my folks if
>> I couldn't just have a dog like the fish suggested. They ran
>> in and checked on him - but he was being real still and quiet.
>>
>> If I knew then what I know now, I would have much preferred
>> to have him one of those Viking funerals, with the little toy
>> boat, and shoot the little arrows with firecrackers taped on
>> and soaked in gasoline at the craft as it disappeared into
>> the sunset on its way to fish Vidalia to fertilize the onions.
>>
>> I know the dumb ones have to die, but how cruel is it that
>> God has to make this type thing happen to a little retarded
>> fish and a mere innocent child? We all suffer in this life.
>>
>> Oh well, I guess we all are here to finish the Baby Jesus'
>> work on this earth, and if we all started now it could take
>> a couple of decades to eat all the dolphins and whales, and
>> kill all the polar bears for their fur. Heck, mankind has
>> been trying for centuries, and there are still plenty of trees
>> that haven't been chopped down yet! We can always replace
>> our loved ones at the pet store, but every day that goes by
>> when we don't pump enough oil is a day we can never make up!
>>
>> I hope those heartfelt thoughts provide you and yours some
>> measure of comfort in your time of worry and grief. And until
>> "Kingdom come", it's lots of antibiotics, and trust in the Lord!
>>
>> --
>>
>> http://www.misternicehands.com/
>>
>> (Click on either hand...)
>>
>> If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
>> but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
>> makes a lot of sense...
>>
>> then, you *might* be a Republican!

>
>
>




































































 
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Bucky Breeder
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
      07-02-2007
> "sammy" <sammy@toast> wrote in message
> news:46895ba6$0$20560$(E-Mail Removed)...
>
>> relax, i have a cat that (as a professional courtesy
>> to you, doc) will come over and examine the fish for you.



"olfart" <(E-Mail Removed)> wrote in
news:(E-Mail Removed):
>>

> I'll send my Dog too.
> Free LAB test and a CAT Scan



OK, so this real sensitive lady has this pet fish for years and years, and
like most people who have pet fish, she is very attached to the creature -
like a member of the family, and no less...

One day she comes home from work a little later than her husband, and her
husband being *well* aware of 2 main things in his life, 1) that when his
wife is happy, he's happy; and when she'd not, neither is he, and 2) his
wife is *very* attached to that fish... But alas, it appears to the
husband that the fish has died in its water.

Enter the wife: "Honey, I'm home!" He greets his wife at the front door,
and not wishing to incur the wrath and grief of his wife, he says "Baby, I
have some bad news. I think your fish is in hibernation, and you should
take it to the vet for a checkup."

Well... that nearly sends her through the ceiling... hysteria and drama and
Jerry Springer screaming... The husband keeps saying in a soothing tone,
"Relax baby, and take it to the vet. They are professionals, and they will
sort it all out."

Feeling coerced, but having no other available option, the wife places the
fish in a jar and wraps up the jar in a towel and rushes off the the Animal
Hospital's Emergency Department.

When she runs in the doors, the receptionist nurse asks what is wrong.

The wife says, "My fish has gone into hibernation. It's never done that
before... and I really need a doctor to have a look."

The nurse peeps in the towel and says "Lady, your fish is *dead*!"

The wife goes into a hysterical shallow breathing palpatating turning pale
sort of shock, and screams "Oh no! Oh no! My fish is only hibernating...
It just *can't* be dead" over and over and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

The nurse senses the wife's extreme distress, and tells her to try to
relax, have a seat, and she will have an Emergency Room Vet have a look as
quickly as possible.

The doctor hearing of the trauma, comes bursting through his shiney
stainless steel doors, and tells the wife "Please, bring the patient back
here, and we'll have a look."

The wife is lead by the doctor into an examination room, where the doctor
instructs the wife to remove the fish from the jar container and lay in
down on the examination table - which she promptly does.

The doctor walks all around, having a close look, and uses that round eye
thangy to look closely and that necklace thangy to listen to its heart,
etc.

He says "Hmmm..." and walks over to one of the cages in the examination
room and opens the door. An orange striped tabby cat jumps from the cage
to the floor, and sequentially up on the examination table. He sits down
and then sort of summarily paws at the fish a couple of times, but shows no
apparent further interest. The doctor finally says "OK, Tiger, back to
your bed." The cat jumps back into the cage, and the doctor secures the
door.

He turns to the wife and says "Have a seat, Ma'am. What I am going to tell
you may be hard to take at first, but you must realize that death is very
much a part of life, and I'm afraid your fish has died. Hopefully he led a
good life with lots of love from a nice family. That is all any of us can
expect."

The lady is sobbing now, but a controlled sobbing of acceptance of her
loss.

The doctor says "I know it's tough, so take your time, and when you leave
check out with the front desk. We'll take care of the disposal of your pet
if you like."

The wife indicates approval.

After a few moments she proceeds to the desk. The nurse says "That'll be
$500 please."

The wife exclaims "$500!!! Damn, it's gotten quite expensive to visit a
pet doctor anymore!!!"

The nurse says "Oh, it's only $50 for the visit, but it's $450 for the CAT
scan."

--

http://www.misternicehands.com/

(Click on either hand...)

If: You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny,
but you watch it because that Flanders fellow
makes a lot of sense...

then, you *might* be a Republican!
 
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