OT Wednesday semi-humor

How To Please Your I.T. Department

[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried
under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried
flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we
find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages
from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That
way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to
remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you
from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail
because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it
at once. We're just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support.
There's electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer
support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's
chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We
love a puzzle.

12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a
scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?"
That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least
20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all
68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.


--
Consultant, MCNGP Founding Father
www.mcngp.tk

Consultant

On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 07:05:46 -0800, "Consultant"
<> wrote:

>How To Please Your I.T. Department
>
>[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]
>
>1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried
>under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried
>flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we
>find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Yep, and mouse and keyboard cords are designed to hold the weight of a
30lb computer.

>2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages
>from here.

With 'shadowing', we can.. sort of.

>3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That
>way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to
>remember 700 screen saver passwords.

I don't know... I've met some helpdesk people.. sheesh.

>4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you
>from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail
>because your computer won't power on at all.

Yep... and if you're in healthcare... use terms like RAP, and
Episode.. throw some ICD codes in.. The systems and network people
also know everything about all the custom apps, too.

>5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it
>at once. We're just testing.

Yep..

>6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
>spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

People at work must have seen this one before..

>7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
>flags it as a rush delivery.

Don't get too much of this, I get it more from my friends that use
AOL.

>8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support.
>There's electronics in it.

or, your desktop radio won't tune in your favorite station.....

>9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
>support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

Hey, I can diagnose your broadband connection, too!

>10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer
>support. We're collectors.

This one's true... Ebay, baby!

>11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's
>chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We
>love a puzzle.

.... and leave your keyboard and mouse at home... we've got plenty of
spares hanging around.

>12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
>cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

These are the people that could easily do your job, they just never
really got in to IT.

>13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a
>scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?"
>That motivates us.

Well.. all the people around me are working... that must mean you've
got nothing else to do but look at my issue.

>14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least
>20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

Or, admins keep killing the jobs because there's no need to be
printing out full-color photos of your family dog that you took with
your digital camera and sent to yourself at work.

>15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all
>68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

This might work, I can only monitor so many queues at once.

|{evin

You want to post a list for email problems??
Gawd the list could be awesome.
Glenn
"Consultant" <> wrote in message
news:...
> How To Please Your I.T. Department
>
> [A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]
>
> 1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried
> under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried
> flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and
we
> find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
>
> 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages
> from here.
>
> 3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That
> way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to
> remember 700 screen saver passwords.
>
> 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping
you
> from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail
> because your computer won't power on at all.
>
> 5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it
> at once. We're just testing.
>
> 6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
> spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
>
> 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
> flags it as a rush delivery.
>
> 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support.
> There's electronics in it.
>
> 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
> support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
>
> 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
computer
> support. We're collectors.
>
> 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
person's
> chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We
> love a puzzle.
>
> 12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
> cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
>
> 13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in
a
> scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?"
> That motivates us.
>
> 14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least
> 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
>
> 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all
> 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
>
>
> --
> Consultant, MCNGP Founding Father
> www.mcngp.tk
>
>

Glenn

|{evin wrote:
> On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 07:05:46 -0800, "Consultant"
> <> wrote:
>> 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error
>> messages from here.
>
> With 'shadowing', we can.. sort of.

I always log errors in applications that I write. I can never count on
end-users to write down or remember errors, and much of the time attempting
to duplicate the error fails. In this latter case, I convince the end-user
that I fixed their problem telepathically.

>> 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
>> support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
>
> Hey, I can diagnose your broadband connection, too!

How can they call support when THERE'S NO DIAL TONE. Oh wait, cell phone.

--
Fris "Kreskin" bee® MCNGP #13

http://www.mcngp.tk
The MCNGP Team - We're here to help

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/certaholics
Certaholics - We're here if you're beyond help

=?iso-8859-1?Q?Frisbee=AE_MCNGP?=